Your voicemail greeting can make a positive or negative impression on people. By considering your target audience and tone, you should be able to keep it positive. Length: Don’t make people wait minutes to leave a message. Apologies: If people expect your to be available, apologize for missing their call. Set expectations: Let people know when they may receive a callback, but be realistic. Accuracy: If you change your voicemail for things like holidays, be sure to update it when needed. How do You Set Up a Business Voicemail?
Website: https://funnypng.blogspot.com/1976/12/funny-voicemail-greetings-audio.html

If you are family/friends, press 1. If you are someone looking to give me a job, press 2. If you are one of the multiple out-of-area code numbers that constantly insist upon calling me, even though you should know by now im never going to answer, press the end button. This is the voicemail box of The Goddess.
Staff at Centre Salon and Spa in Westminister, Colorado, pride themselves on being on time, but on the rare occasion when a stylist is running behind the front desk staff intervenes before the guest starts to fret, say Owners James Pacifico and Cathy Schafer: “We apologize for the wait time, thank them for their patience and give them a Service Recovery Card which can be used for a complimentary service on their next visit.”