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19. "Hello, you've reached [your name]. I'm currently [exploring Asia, hiking through the jungle in Costa Rica, hanging out on the beach in Bermuda] — or more likely, [recovering from extreme jet lag, googling ‘Are red spiders poisonous,' or looking for SPF 150 sunscreen] and won't be back in the office until [date]. Leave your contact info and reason for calling and I'll get in touch then."

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“I don’t know who you are but if you don’t let my daughter go now, I will find you; I will kill you. Please leave a message.”
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This is not an answering machine–this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.
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1. Personal Business Voicemail Greetings. Hello! You’ve reached (insert company name.) This is (insert name) in the (insert department.) My apologizes for not being available to take your call, but I’m on the line helping another customer (insert business’s most attractive result or purpose point.)
I made this "grouchy voicemail" for whoever is tired of the boring old voicemail your phone service provides. I will have more funny voicemail greetings on

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12.) Benvenuti alla John Doe. Potete contattarci dal Lunedì al Venerdì dalle 8am alle 12.30pm e dall’1pm alle 4.30pm. Al momento non possiamo rispondere personalmente alla vostra chiamata. Si prega di lasciare un messaggio con il vostro nome e numero di telefono e vi richiameremo al più presto possibile. Per casi urgenti, potete raggiungerci al numero 0821 91039-1211. Grazie.

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“Congratulations! You’ve reached the right person! It’s [your name]. Unfortunately, you’ve called at the wrong time. Please leave a message with all your contact information, and I’ll call you back within 24 hours.”

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    1. Select the fixed key with the envelope graphic, or dial the phone’s phone number.

    I’m home right now . . . I’m just screening my calls. So just start talking and if you’re someone I want to speak to I’ll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?
    How do I change my voicemail greeting on Android? Open the Phone app . Press and hold “1” to call your voicemail. Enter your PIN and press “#”. Press “*” for the menu. Press “4” to change settings. Press “1” to change your greeting. Follow the recorded instructions. Access your main voicemail menu. Listen for instructions to enter your password. From the main menu press 3 for Personal Options. Press 2 for Greetings. Press 1 to Change Greeting. Press 1 to Record personal greeting or press 2 to select the standard greeting. Tap on Call settings and select Voicemail. Tap on Voicemail service and select My carrier or My operator. Tap on Setup, select Voicemail number and type in your voicemail number. Tap on OK in the Voicemail number changed popup.

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    I have tried every suggestion & I still cannot change my greeting. It is like the greeting page is frozen! Any further suggestions appreciated.

    Perhaps one of the biggest changes with the iOS 9.2 update is that it fixes a lot of iOS 9 problems and iOS 9.1 problems for iPhone and iPad users.
    4. Humorous Voicemail Greetings. While straightforward is always the safe bet, certain entities can go to the humorous side of voicemail greetings. Before taking this route, consider the type of callers and the persona the recipient is trying to convey.

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    This topic describes how to record or upload voicemail greetings for extension voicemail or group voicemail.

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    We see small fixes come in targeted updates, but the iOS 9.2 update packs in a lot of new fixes that may solve a problem that annoyed you for the last several months. Here are the new fixes in iOS 9.2.

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    10. T-Mobile Visual Voicemail. T-Mobile Visual Voicemail is yet another great voicemail tool for your android devices for accessing and managing your voicemails.

    12.) Benvenuti alla John Doe. Potete contattarci dal Lunedì al Venerdì dalle 8am alle 12.30pm e dall’1pm alle 4.30pm. Al momento non possiamo rispondere personalmente alla vostra chiamata. Si prega di lasciare un messaggio con il vostro nome e numero di telefono e vi richiameremo al più presto possibile. Per casi urgenti, potete raggiungerci al numero 0821 91039-1211. Grazie.
    6. Voicemail Greetings For The Holidays. Hi, you’ve reached (insert name and title) at (insert company.) We’ve taken this time to be with our family’s and stuff our bellies.

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We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and Master Card, Visa, or American Express account number and we’ll get back to, pending credit approval.

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-Hi, this is ______. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

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After my custom message has played, the automatic voice kicks back in giving instructions on how to leave a message & access additional options before the tone is sounded. How can I eliminate those automated instructions and proceed directly to the “beep?”

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