e. Never Assume Anything: Phrases like “You Know What To Do,” “Sing Your Song at the Beep,” and others mentioned above are awful to leave in your greeting. For the sake of universality and comprehensiveness, NEVER assume the caller knows what to do. Lay it out clearly. f. Leave a Message: This phrase, by itself, will not do. It’s imperative for users to identify themselves in their greetings. Callers need to know they’ve reached the right person. g. Disregard Lethargy: If you’re not excited about your greeting, why would anyone else be? Never display a lack of enthusiasm in your greeting as it could turn callers off to both you and your business. h. Speak Clearly and Never Slur: Callers need to understand your every word; therefore, mumbling, slurring, and all other detractions of speech should never be recorded. d. Be Creative Without Sacrificing Quality: Callers know how voicemails work–i.e. leave a number, message, etc. While you want to be clear, it’s important not to be contrive or redundant with your message. Creativity can help users to differentiate themselves, as well as intrigue callers. While users should avoid the tropes of creativity listed above, it’s definitely good to think outside the box. That being said, scripting and practice can help users to experiment more with their greeting–ultimately allowing for more unique and creative approach. e. Speak With Diction: It’s important to present one’s self as an authority without alienating callers. As such, it’s crucial to articulate and speak with clear diction. “ if your voice recording has you stumbling over words and speaking haltingly, it does not convey confidence and competence,” states Ron Sellers of Grey Matter Research & Consulting. Remember, this greeting represents you; therefore, you want to appear collected and professional, as well as welcoming. To do this, one must carry themselves well through their recorded message. f. Account for Timeliness: Your message should be concise. No caller wants to be sitting through a rant/diatribe of redundant statements. Your greeting should flow without dragging. Inversely, one doesn’t want to be terse, either. Engage callers with a simplified approach laden with creativity. h. Account for Quality: Aside from speaking clearly, users want to eliminate any noise in the surrounding environment. The quality of the greeting is just as important as what’s being said in the greeting itself. As such, one doesn’t want to undermine a great message with poor quality. i. Courtesy, Tastefulness, & Tact: This is pretty self-explanatory and straight forward–NEVER be rude. Being light-hearted and humorous is very different from being obnoxious and/or abrasive. Again, these tools can be helpful if utilized properly, but not everyone perceives humor the same way. So play it safe. The last thing your voicemail greeting should do is offend a caller. k. Provide Options: if you’re part of a bigger company, it might be good to offer caller options. For example, allow a menu to defer callers to a colleague or co-worker in your absence. This can help show callers you care about their well being. Another option might be offering different modes of communication–i.e. email, fax, etc. In offering users diversity, contact may be much easier to maintain.
Due to popular demand, we’ve published even more funny voicemail greetings in another blog post. Want a simple voicemail system that does a whole lot more? Try Ninja Number free – no credit card required – for 7 days!

15. “Hi, Thanks for giving us a call! Sorry, but we are closed right now. Please leave us your name, number and the best time to reach you and we’ll get back to you within the day. Thank you.” This is our OpenPhone after-hours greeting. Simple, concise, and friendly.
* If you can offer an incentive to visit your site, like an instant booking or quote form for example, it can go a long way to land you new business. If you have a great voicemail AND they visit your site it’s a guarantee they’ll remember your name even if they don’t book immediately.