“Hey, this is [your name] over at [XYZ company]. So anyway I’m about to give in my resignation right now. Please don’t call here again. Just kidding!
She’s rolling down the window; oh man I think she sprayed him with pepper spray. His hands are on his face and he’s on his knees. She’s getting out and beating him with an umbrella.
.
“This is Roxie. If you’re receiving this message, I’m probably in the linen closet, rolling on sheets and towels. Try my other phone. If you get my voicemail on that one, I’m probably in the linen closet, rolling on sheets and towels. Stop bothering me.”
Hello, this is Rip van Winkle. I'm not awake to take your call right now. Please leave your message at the sound of the snore.
Please leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message in a voice similar to mine, and your call will be returned as soon as humanly possible. This is Chris. This is his refrigerator.
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Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!
1. The Celebrity Greeting. Hello! If you are [insert celebrity crush or famous person], call my personal line. You know what number that is. Wink wink. The President is not in the office.
-Hey! Sorry I missed your call. If you’re a telemarketer, then I’m definitely not sorry. If you’re not a telemarketer, then I’ll return your call as soon as possible.
Hello. You’ve reached the establishment of Binder and Binder Law Offices in West Chapel. We regret we are not here to answer your call. However, your call is important to us, so please leave your contact information and a brief message at the tone, and we’ll get back to you shortly. It’s been a pleasure receiving your call.
The other day, I was leaving a message, and the voicemail system cut me off. It seems I exceeded my 90 seconds of allotted time. No, I didn’t call back. I figured the man got the gist of the message, so I left the ball in his court.
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I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I can come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone now, recording this message, but I'm doing this now, while you're listening to it later, except for you I guess it's now, like, when you're listening to it ... now I'm confused ... leave a message and I'll explain later.
My ass and I are out for a walk. So as soon as I can get my ass back in the house, I’ll give you a call. Leave a message till then.
“Yo, this is Leon. If you’re calling about scoring some catnip — oops, I mean ‘you know what,’ meow twice in your message. If you’re calling about ear-cleaning services, meow once. Or maybe meow once for ‘you know what’ and twice for ear cleaning. I don’t remember. Maybe don’t leave a message and we’ll psychically connect. OK? Cool.”
Setting up your voicemail. 1. Press and hold 1. 2. Enter your password if prompted. If you are asked for a password the first time you access your voicemail, just enter the last four digits of your phone number. 3. Follow the directions to set up your password. 4.