5.) If youâre calling a home line, and know the family, itâs nice to say a group âHelloâ before leaving a message specifically for the person you called. Say something like this: âHi everyone, itâs Maralee. Hope youâre enjoying Spring Break! Janet, I wanted to see if you and I could meet for lunch one day next week. My schedule is pretty open, and we could pick a restaurant near your office. I know your lunch schedules are tight. Iâll give you a call back at 7:00 tonight. Or Iâm around all afternoon, so give me a call!â (Boy, home lines are becoming rare, arenât they? We gave ours up a couple of months ago.)
"Hello, this is John. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil." (background noise - open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) "OK, what would you like me to tell me?" If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."
