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This is funny! I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty-dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone.

3. Voicemail Greetings For Business. You’ve reached (insert company name.) All of our team members are busy at the moment, but someone will return your call within (insert timeframe) if you’ll be so kind as to leave your name, number, and a brief message.
Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
"Hello, this is John. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil." (background noise - open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) "OK, what would you like me to tell me?" If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."
A funny voicemail greeting is one of those things that seems like a good idea...until you hear it time and time again. For business and professional life, funny voicemail greetings just doesn't make sense. If you're expecting an important call, or trying to impress someone you certainly won't... 5 Steps to Creating an Audio eGreeting Card December 06, 2011 Juli Durante marketing, tips, greetings !

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6. Pre-Recorded Message Playback. The Perfect Single Businessperson Solution. One Mailbox That Can Transfer Your Callers To Any Phone Of Yours, As Well As Voicemail And Fax To Email.

Not sure if this is real or not (and either is snopes, see below). But, it sure is funny. Happy Monday! EDIT: Try this link. This is where I got it from, I didn't try the one below and it apparently doesn't work: Claim: Voicemail message describes a confrontation between a male motorist and four women after a minor traffic accident.

Don't mess with Bible-totin' old ladies.. Read this little explanation and then listen to the voicemail. You just have to laugh with the guy. On a recent Spurs trip, we were asking one of our sponsors who works at Jack in the Box for some funny stories or experiences with the company. The funniest story he had was when an operations manager was late for a meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late. As he was leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to provide "play by play" of the incident. After telling us the story, he promised to send us a copy of the voice mail and here it is. This is the actual voice mail message. It was passed along and forwarded so many times within Jack in the Box; it crashed their voice mail server. Origins: In one memorable episode of the 1970s television sitcom All in the Family, Archie Bunker is involved in a minor traffic accident and, eager to cash in on the incident, rushes out and engages a Jewish lawyer to sue the other party. However, after conferring with the defendant's attorney, Archie's lawyer advises him that he has http://www.snopes.com/autos/graphics/fight.gif no case, as the other side's witnesses are too strong. There's an old legal precept, he informs Archie: "You can't beat a station wagon full of nuns." Perhaps Archie Bunker couldn't beat a station wagon full of nuns, but according to a circulating audio clip, an Impala full of Bible-toting middle-aged women could beat (literally!) the motorist who ran into them. We present the recording for your listening enjoyment through [url="http://www.snopes.com/autos/audio/jackbox.mp3"]this (http://home.swbell.net/kf5tv/voicemail.mp3) link. The file size of the clip is over 4MB, so please be patient while it downloads. As to the questions of whether the account given above is an accurate explanation of the origins of this audio clip, and whether the traffic incident described actually took place, we have to leave them as "Undetermined" for now. A inquiry posed to the corporate offices of Jack in the Box restaurants produced the following response: Thank you for your inquiry. The message that has been in circulation is an actual voice mail message. The incident occurred 5-6 years ago in Texas. I'm not sure how the recording got outside the company or if the employee still works for Jack in the Box, but the recording periodically re-surfaces on the radio and the internet. Even if this explanation is accurate (i.e., the clip originated as a message left on a Jack in the Box employee's voicemail), it doesn't preclude the possibility that the accident described never took place, and the recording was just a prank one employee pulled on a co-worker. Download Ebook Funny Answering Machine Messages Funny Answering Machine & Voicemail Messages. In 1935, Willy Müller invented the world's first automatic answering machine. It was a three-foot-tall machine popular with Orthodox Jews who were forbidden to answer the phone on the Sabbath. Then in 1960, the Ansafone, created by Funny Answering Machine & Voicemail Messages In 1935, Willy Müller invented the world's first automatic answering machine. It was a three-foot-tall machine popular with Orthodox Jews who were forbidden to answer the phone on the Sabbath. 10. Introduce Yourself Like a Hollywood Blockbuster. If you want to make a custom, Hollywood’esque gesture in your next outgoing message, may we suggest having a booming voice introduce you. Wow – I just read what I typed and even I can't make sense of the prolix drivel. However, I'm in no shape to attempt anything better so give it the old college try and let me know what you make of it. I'm expecting an entertaining, yet informative response, but I would certainly understand a visit from a cpl of guys wearing white lab coats driving an unremarkable, windowless van :/ how to call directly to voicemail verizon what should my personal voicemail greeting say creative funny voicemail greetings Close Project professional voicemail greetings for business -So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, leave a message, and I’ll get back to thee. funny voicemail scripts Hello. This is Chris. John and Mike aren’t here right now, but if you leave a message, they’ll get back to you as soon as they can. “In a world where the person you are trying to reach can’t answer the phone… there’s only one choice. Leave a message.” Hi, this is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions. Hello, and welcome to Answering Machines of the Rich and Famous! Sam can't come to the phone right now because he's spending the week in his beautiful summer home on the French Riviera. Here is a great short example: Hello this is [first name] with {business name} in {city name} . I apologize I cannot answer the call at the moment, please leave me your name, number, and I will return the call as soon as get back to the phone. Here you have let the caller know that they have reached your business, and that you are sorry you can’t answer right away. It assures them that you are interested in their call, and that you will get back with them as soon as you can. professional voicemail greetings examples for a business funny voicemail answering messages professional voicemail greetings for your cell phone Close Project funny greetings for tuesday “Hi, this is [name]. I’m either on another call or am away from my desk. Please leave your name, contact details, number and your reason for reaching out and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you for calling.” Don't Go Crazy. By Michele Meleen Counselor. Funny msg ideas for friend. This is not a voice mail; this is a telepathic thought-recording device. From farts to turds and from banter to hits below the belt — BFFs, besties, best friends and bae are on the chopping block here. Very funny. This website is so cool. And those conversation is so funny. I think I have seen the best comedy here. Just awesome you know! Some of them are using the funny answering machine on the voice mail while you are really wanted to connect then reply something funny. visit this page to get more tips and helpful guide on research papers writing. Top 5 Scariest Fish on River Monsters. The Killer Giant Snakehead as among the scariest, nastiest River Mon... Amazing Car Faces. Amazing Face Skin Spa & Body Boutique. People see faces in cars, It was just publicized that A... Your Cool Pets Cat & Animals Funny Picture. A cool collection of cute kittens and cats pictures. Halloween Scary Cat... $4 Million Crane Fail in Australia. overhead crane accident, gantry crane accident, new york crane accident, crane accident new york,... A Shot Up Porsche 911 with Shot Gun. shot gun safes, shot gun cabinets, shot gun cabinet, gun shot glasses, shot gun cases, ... 9. “HELLO, OH No, the voices are back again!” This made me laugh too. Imagine how your fellow caller will laugh! Again, only your friends or people in other close circles will get you; otherwise, it is not a very friendly way to answer the phone call. Keep in mind that short greetings are often much better then trying to say way too much that could confuse your callers. Some pointers to ask, “please leave your name and number”, or maybe ask them to go your business website to contact you by email, or even as simple as text. This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. If you don’t wish this call to be monitored or recorded, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message. funny greetings for retirement what to say on personal voicemail greeting funny greetings for text Close Project how to call someone's voicemail directly verizon That’s why it’s critical that each customer interaction with your business is consistent, positive, and represents the values and personality of your company. This includes your storefront, website, social media presence, emails, and every interaction you have with your customers, both online and in-person. An easy way to get started using video content as part of your marketing strategy is to turn... Do You Still Need a Professional Cell Phone Voicemail Greeting? July 25, 2013 Juli Durante resources, tips, greetings Cell Phone Greetings make personal voice mail greetings easier to get from the professionals. Cell Phone Greeting.net will install your professional voice mail messages from our professional voice talent. Phone greetings are the professional way to promote your business. I, I have only 10 seconds to explain to you how to leave a message on one of these machines. Now… now, the first step is, is the most important step there is. Liam Neeson has been acting for decades but it was his recent role in the hit movie Taken that caught the attention of a younger audience. Translation: If you sound unsure, then your current clients, prospects, and partners won’t be so sure about you either. 10. Nobody Misses The Clever Answering Machine Message. Connect Your Team All Under One Number, No Matter If They Are Working Down The Hall Or Across The Country. how to greet on a conference call personal voicemail greeting template how to make a voice message a ringtone Close Project great business voicemail greetings There is surely no better way to make voicemail fun than with pop culture references. Tim Gunn . Play off a classic line delivered by Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca. "Of all the messages on all the phones in all the world, you have to leave one for me." Work on your Terminator impression with this short and sweet quip. "Leave a message. I'll Are you thinking about changing your voicemail greeting? Would you like some help from us? Set up a cranky, funny voicemail, and share a moment of laughter with your dear ones, before they understand your intention behind it and run to get you! Whenever I call someone and their voicemail greeting is playing, it tells me a lot about who they are, as a person. A is for academics, B is for beer. So leave a message. After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. Finally get an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does……. This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. Hey, it's ________. Sorry you can't get through. Leave your name and your number and I'll get back to you. 9. 212-479-7990: You have been rejected. You met an exciting new person, asked for their phone number, and got it. But when you called, it was not them on the line. Get a Professional sounding personal voicemail for your cell or home phone. I can voice the greeting, and then with your info I can place it on your phone or system. 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