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Seconds later say āHAHA, that was a fake beep created by my mouth. I fooled you good!ā A is for A, B is for Beer, C is for C, D is for Drunk. Call me back in 48 hours when Iām R for Recovered! A is for apple, B is for beer and that may be why Iām not here. Leave a message. Alright listen, Iām on one line with my girlfriend and her best friend on the other. Leave a message and if you promise to not tell either of them that Iām a player, Iāll call you back. Back in MY DAY we didnāt use answering machines. We used jumbo sized devices to take messages for us. Those we called āAnswering Machinesā and I just realized.. I sound like an idiot! Bob is currently in the shower. Heās there an hour per day. I wonder what the heck he does in that time. Oh well, probably plays with himself. Help me.. HELP ME!! My wife wants me in bed. PLEASE CALL 911!!!! HURRY!!! AHHHHH!!! Hi this is Bobās answering machine and I will need a few things from you. #1 is your full name including middle name. #2 is your address including postal code. #3 is your credit card number with the 3 digit security code on the back. Thereās a porn site I want to join and I donāt want to use my moms information. Hi you have reached Bob and Iām not interested in having my grass cut, buying new windows or installing new doors. Hi youāve reached Bob. If you want to leave a message press 1. If you want to leave a message about how sexy I am, press 2. If you have the wrong number, press 9. As you already can tell, the number pressing doesnāt do anything. I did all this just to feel.. cool.. Hi, I am Bobās answering machine and heās pissing me off. Everyday he changes his messages and Iām sick of all the button pressing he does. If you come over, can you please take me? I need a new owner who doesnāt push buttons! Hi, I understand how annoying long messages can be. Why do people always waste so much time talking about crap? Well Iām with you on this one. I canāt stand people who leave long messages talking about nothing useful. Why canāt they just get to the point? All they have to say is āHey Iām not here cause Iām doing important stuff. Leave a message!ā Anyways I kept this message short. Leave one after the beep. Hi, Iām in the process of getting married. Why canāt the priest operate as quick as a microwave? Less than 5 minutes or your money back! Hi, Iām not interested in answering your call right now but my voicemail is. Leave one! Hi, if youāre a telemarketer give me your number and Iāll call you back. What, you donāt want me to call you back? Now you know how I feel! Hi, my name is the answering machine and I record messages in your very own authentic voice. Would you like to increase the size of your penis? I sell those too! Hi, this is Bobās voicemail and heās on vacation. Heās in the Caribbean partying with all the tourists. If you like you can rob his place and I wonāt say a word! Hi, youāve reached the pizza delivery guy and Iām trying to make a delivery but am stuck waiting for the train to go by for the 10th time. This customer gets me every time! I had the phone ringing in my hand but was too lazy to answer it. Leave a message. If you are a male, keep your voice and say you are a female. Hi, this is Bobās girlfriend. I drove him in debt and took his phone. Leave a message and if you sound rich & sexy, youāll hear back! If youāre calling for Bob, press 1. If you are calling for Greg, press 2. Hey I have some news for you, thereās no Greg at this number. HAHA I lied to you! You got fooled pretty good! Iām pretty drunk & unstable. I think my hands are vibrating. How am I going to hold my next drink without spilling it?? PLEASE TELL ME!! Iām probably too lazy to answer. Leave a message and Iāll call back. If you donāt hear from me, then itās cause I donāt like you! Keep your original voice Hi, Iām Katie and.. Who did I say I was? Oh man, I gotta keep off the Viagra! Make sound effects with your mouth. Yo Yo Yo.. This is Bob whoās here to make the save. You want to talk to me but I will be charging a fee. Leave a message so I can make enough for a massage! Oh no.. Youāre calling.. Someone.. please pull my plug!!! Hello.. anyone there?? NOOOOOOā¦ Oh wicked, I finally got an answering machine. YAY! Now how do you work this thing? Letās see.. To record message, press the REC button. Alright, where the heck is the REC button? Someone else says out loud Bob you moron, itās right here and you already pressed it! Then you say Ahh crap! Sorry I donāt answer the phone or check my messages but if you are calling to donate me money, leave a message and Iāll call you back within seconds. Sorry I missed your call. Iām probably running away from the wife. Sheās in one of those moods.. AGAIN! This is Bob and I just picked up the best answering machine in the world. The recordings are in high quality. Leave a message now so I can listen to it in 5.1 surround sound! Yo, this is Bob coming to you from the rave, never knowing when to behave. I can rhyme within time and you should leave one before I win a ton! If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone. Funny Joker : I love funny jokes which is probably why I own this very funny jokes website :-) The jokes here are NOT work friendly, you've been warned. 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This sequence of synthesised piano notes starts off with the notes (A#, F - one perfect fifth up, and D# ... knocking and throbing at a roomdoor - mp3 version knocking and throbing at a roomdoor - ogg version knocking and throbing at a roomdoor - waveform knocking and throbing at a roomdoor - spectrogram 55320.0
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1. Hello and thank you for calling GetVoIP! We are closed today for the holiday, and will be back in the office tomorrow, Thursday the 14th. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, but expect a prompt response from us tomorrow! Happy holidays and have a great day.
Funny e-mail forwards, jokes, silly stuff and more. Visit often for the latest funny e-mails!
Cash Me Outside. Donald Trump - Donate to the Wall. Thank You For Holding. Hillary - Delete My Emails. Pokemon Go.
Hi. I am probably home, Iām just avoiding someone I donāt like. Leave me a message, and if I donāt call back, itās you.
5. Away/Vacation Voicemail Greeting Samples. āHello, this is [Name] at [Company.] I will be out of the office for the week of [dates]. Please leave your name, number, and the reason for your call, and I will reply within 24 hours of my return. If you prefer, you can try me on my cell, [number].
5. 605-475-6959: The bad breath notification hotline. Have you ever met someone that, on first glance, looks to be an ideal mate but as soon as they open their mouth and begin speaking, an unbelievable odour comes from their mouth?
2. Hi, Iām not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
Iām Sorry, Weāre Sorry (They are all very sorry). Reminds me of Brion Gysin (Try track 3, 4, and 5).
Many professionals in New York take the subway every day to work. More often than not, you have a quiet train ride with no interruptions. Now, letās say you sit down and this panhandler begins his hilarious rant.
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Recognize Their Need. When someone calls your business, the voicemail should give them a sense of validation. This means that your voicemail should extend gratitude for their interest in your business, or an apology for not being there to answer your call. These two simple courtesies can go a long way in the creation or establishment of client/business trust.Ā Make it Informative for the Caller. Your voicemail must include all the information the customer will need for your particular business. For instance, if youāre a brick and mortar establishment, itās wise to include your store hours. Itās also a good idea to leave them an alternate way to contact you, especially if itās after hours. After all, you donāt want to miss just one potential customer. Here are some suggestions for elements to include in your voicemail: Business name Hours (if brick and mortar) Alternate method of contact, such as email Your name
48. Hello, youāve reached [name] at [company name]. If you need help with [X reason], please contact [X person/X system] or [visit our website at X and send us an email]. For all other inquiries, please leave your name, phone number, and a message, and Iāll get back to you as soon as I can.
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Be honest...you've been fooled by this one before, haven't you? It goes like this:Ā riiiing, riiing, riiiingĀ "Hey." "Hi, it's Juli what's up?" "Oh. I'm not here right now, leave me a message after the beep". There is actually very little I find more irritating than this voicemail, especially for business. Why do you want to fake out a business opportunity? This voicemail leaves callers feeling embarrassedĀ and you looking foolish.