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Voicemail: [You can listen to the above video to hear my actual voicemail, and you can also snag the scrip verbatim by simply leaving us a comment below, tell us how you feel about it. šŸ™‚ ]

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Seconds later say ā€œHAHA, that was a fake beep created by my mouth. I fooled you good!ā€ A is for A, B is for Beer, C is for C, D is for Drunk. Call me back in 48 hours when Iā€™m R for Recovered! A is for apple, B is for beer and that may be why Iā€™m not here. Leave a message. Alright listen, Iā€™m on one line with my girlfriend and her best friend on the other. Leave a message and if you promise to not tell either of them that Iā€™m a player, Iā€™ll call you back. Back in MY DAY we didnā€™t use answering machines. We used jumbo sized devices to take messages for us. Those we called ā€œAnswering Machinesā€ and I just realized.. I sound like an idiot! Bob is currently in the shower. Heā€™s there an hour per day. I wonder what the heck he does in that time. Oh well, probably plays with himself. Help me.. HELP ME!! My wife wants me in bed. PLEASE CALL 911!!!! HURRY!!! AHHHHH!!! Hi this is Bobā€™s answering machine and I will need a few things from you. #1 is your full name including middle name. #2 is your address including postal code. #3 is your credit card number with the 3 digit security code on the back. Thereā€™s a porn site I want to join and I donā€™t want to use my moms information. Hi you have reached Bob and Iā€™m not interested in having my grass cut, buying new windows or installing new doors. Hi youā€™ve reached Bob. If you want to leave a message press 1. If you want to leave a message about how sexy I am, press 2. If you have the wrong number, press 9. As you already can tell, the number pressing doesnā€™t do anything. I did all this just to feel.. cool.. Hi, I am Bobā€™s answering machine and heā€™s pissing me off. Everyday he changes his messages and Iā€™m sick of all the button pressing he does. If you come over, can you please take me? I need a new owner who doesnā€™t push buttons! Hi, I understand how annoying long messages can be. Why do people always waste so much time talking about crap? Well Iā€™m with you on this one. I canā€™t stand people who leave long messages talking about nothing useful. Why canā€™t they just get to the point? All they have to say is ā€œHey Iā€™m not here cause Iā€™m doing important stuff. Leave a message!ā€ Anyways I kept this message short. Leave one after the beep. Hi, Iā€™m in the process of getting married. Why canā€™t the priest operate as quick as a microwave? Less than 5 minutes or your money back! Hi, Iā€™m not interested in answering your call right now but my voicemail is. Leave one! Hi, if youā€™re a telemarketer give me your number and Iā€™ll call you back. What, you donā€™t want me to call you back? Now you know how I feel! Hi, my name is the answering machine and I record messages in your very own authentic voice. Would you like to increase the size of your penis? I sell those too! Hi, this is Bobā€™s voicemail and heā€™s on vacation. Heā€™s in the Caribbean partying with all the tourists. If you like you can rob his place and I wonā€™t say a word! Hi, youā€™ve reached the pizza delivery guy and Iā€™m trying to make a delivery but am stuck waiting for the train to go by for the 10th time. This customer gets me every time! I had the phone ringing in my hand but was too lazy to answer it. Leave a message. If you are a male, keep your voice and say you are a female. Hi, this is Bobā€™s girlfriend. I drove him in debt and took his phone. Leave a message and if you sound rich & sexy, youā€™ll hear back! If youā€™re calling for Bob, press 1. If you are calling for Greg, press 2. Hey I have some news for you, thereā€™s no Greg at this number. HAHA I lied to you! You got fooled pretty good! Iā€™m pretty drunk & unstable. I think my hands are vibrating. How am I going to hold my next drink without spilling it?? PLEASE TELL ME!! Iā€™m probably too lazy to answer. Leave a message and Iā€™ll call back. If you donā€™t hear from me, then itā€™s cause I donā€™t like you! Keep your original voice Hi, Iā€™m Katie and.. Who did I say I was? Oh man, I gotta keep off the Viagra! Make sound effects with your mouth. Yo Yo Yo.. This is Bob whoā€™s here to make the save. You want to talk to me but I will be charging a fee. Leave a message so I can make enough for a massage! Oh no.. Youā€™re calling.. Someone.. please pull my plug!!! Hello.. anyone there?? NOOOOOOā€¦ Oh wicked, I finally got an answering machine. YAY! Now how do you work this thing? Letā€™s see.. To record message, press the REC button. Alright, where the heck is the REC button? Someone else says out loud Bob you moron, itā€™s right here and you already pressed it! Then you say Ahh crap! Sorry I donā€™t answer the phone or check my messages but if you are calling to donate me money, leave a message and Iā€™ll call you back within seconds. Sorry I missed your call. Iā€™m probably running away from the wife. Sheā€™s in one of those moods.. AGAIN! This is Bob and I just picked up the best answering machine in the world. The recordings are in high quality. Leave a message now so I can listen to it in 5.1 surround sound! Yo, this is Bob coming to you from the rave, never knowing when to behave. I can rhyme within time and you should leave one before I win a ton! If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone. Funny Joker : I love funny jokes which is probably why I own this very funny jokes website :-) The jokes here are NOT work friendly, you've been warned. 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This sequence of synthesised piano notes starts off with the notes (A#, F - one perfect fifth up, and D# ... knocking and throbing at a roomdoor - mp3 version knocking and throbing at a roomdoor - ogg version knocking and throbing at a roomdoor - waveform knocking and throbing at a roomdoor - spectrogram 55320.0 .

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Being reincarnated as an answering machine is the pits. Keep your karma clean by leaving your name, number, message, and the time that you called.

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    Hi. I am probably home, Iā€™m just avoiding someone I donā€™t like. Leave me a message, and if I donā€™t call back, itā€™s you.
    5. Away/Vacation Voicemail Greeting Samples. ā€œHello, this is [Name] at [Company.] I will be out of the office for the week of [dates]. Please leave your name, number, and the reason for your call, and I will reply within 24 hours of my return. If you prefer, you can try me on my cell, [number].

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    Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you backā€”only that I won't.

    5. 605-475-6959: The bad breath notification hotline. Have you ever met someone that, on first glance, looks to be an ideal mate but as soon as they open their mouth and begin speaking, an unbelievable odour comes from their mouth?
    2. Hi, Iā€™m not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

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    ā€œThis is not a voice-mail; this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and Iā€™ll think about returning your call.ā€

    Iā€™m Sorry, Weā€™re Sorry (They are all very sorry). Reminds me of Brion Gysin (Try track 3, 4, and 5).
    Many professionals in New York take the subway every day to work. More often than not, you have a quiet train ride with no interruptions. Now, letā€™s say you sit down and this panhandler begins his hilarious rant.

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    You are here: Home / Daily Life & Must-Knows / Calling, Texting, & More / How to Leave a Voice Mail Message Everyone Enjoys Hearing
    Recognize Their Need. When someone calls your business, the voicemail should give them a sense of validation. This means that your voicemail should extend gratitude for their interest in your business, or an apology for not being there to answer your call. These two simple courtesies can go a long way in the creation or establishment of client/business trust.Ā Make it Informative for the Caller. Your voicemail must include all the information the customer will need for your particular business. For instance, if youā€™re a brick and mortar establishment, itā€™s wise to include your store hours. Itā€™s also a good idea to leave them an alternate way to contact you, especially if itā€™s after hours. After all, you donā€™t want to miss just one potential customer. Here are some suggestions for elements to include in your voicemail: Business name Hours (if brick and mortar) Alternate method of contact, such as email Your name

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48. Hello, youā€™ve reached [name] at [company name]. If you need help with [X reason], please contact [X person/X system] or [visit our website at X and send us an email]. For all other inquiries, please leave your name, phone number, and a message, and Iā€™ll get back to you as soon as I can.

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best funny voicemail greetings

Be honest...you've been fooled by this one before, haven't you? It goes like this:Ā riiiing, riiing, riiiingĀ "Hey." "Hi, it's Juli what's up?" "Oh. I'm not here right now, leave me a message after the beep". There is actually very little I find more irritating than this voicemail, especially for business. Why do you want to fake out a business opportunity? This voicemail leaves callers feeling embarrassedĀ and you looking foolish.

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5. Road side cafe; you kill them and weā€™ll cook them. Leave your order and weā€™ll get back.

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