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Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

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Would you like to write for us? Well, we're looking for good writers who want to spread the word. Get in touch with us and we'll talk However, if you are offering to buy dinner, I may be available sooner than you think. Thanks for calling. They go on and on, wasting your time. I pledge to you, my caller that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me. This is name. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. .

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You have entered into a glorious pool of sound. You are traveling through time with a weightless companion known as music, and as Liquid Parallax as your tour guide, prepare to be exhilarated. Amusing / Fun-Sites / Humor Funny Answering Machine Voice Messages by Joey on Dec 9, 2007 • 3:27 pm 3 Comments
Keep it simple, concise and to the point. Callers won’t need your life story, and won’t want to wait around for a 2-minute greeting to end just so they can leave a message. Don’t hide the details, tell them where you will be, when you will be there, or when you won’t be there, and how to get in touch.

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Hi, this is Jackie, it hurts me inside to know I missed your call. Ouch. Leave your painful message after the beep.
In this version, you pretend to realize how dumb it is to leave instructions WHILE you are leaving instructions. Hey everyone, listen to me having an epiphany, and then leave me a message.

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33. Hello, you’ve reached [X company]. We’re currently closed to celebrate [X holiday], but we’ll be back on [X date]. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message so our team can get back to you when we return.

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    These work voicemail greetings are for the work phone that you and only you use. They’re highly effective because they help you establish a relationship straight from the voicemail. Or they help you share an important update in a simple, straightforward way.

    Creative and funny voicemail messages are great for less formal businesses but may be inappropriate for formal ones. However, if creativity is part of your job description, be sure to sprinkle a dash into your voicemail. Check out these creative and funny voicemail greetings. Top 7 business voicemail greetings. 1. Filter Type All Time Past 24 Hours Past Week Past month Brand Listing› Playstation Network› Ibm Websphere Application Server› Ios› Accounts Receivable› Iphone› Android› Iphone 7› Metro By T Mobile› Microsoft Powerpoint› First State Bank› Salesforce› Iphone Goes Straight To Voicemail Fixed› Quickbooks› Gmail› Microsoft Forms› Imvu› Reverse Image Search› Create And Share A Video With Clips On Your Iphone IpadBrowse All Brands >> Frequently Asked QuestionsHow to call directly to someone's voicemail?
    Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. If your one of your name 's friends, you may also leave a message at the They are perfect alternatives when you want to add some uniqueness to your voicemail.

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    23. Hello, thank you for calling [business name]. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message, and a member of our team will return your call within 24 hours.

    After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding.
    A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future…. A is for academics, B is for beer. So leave a message. After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. Finally get an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does…….

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    Perhaps Archie Bunker couldn’t beat a station wagon full of nuns, but according to a circulating audio clip, an Impala full of Bible-toting middle-aged women could beat (literally!) the motorist who ran into them.

    What kind of company do you run? A law firm may prefer more formal business voicemail greetings than a trendy retail store, for example.
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    So take a look at some funny greetings that you can use as your funny cell phone voicemail ideas (or home phone). HI, you’ve reached (name). I’m so sorry I can’t pick up the call right now because I am standing right behind you. GOTCHA. My ass and I are out for a walk. So as soon as I can get my ass back in the house, I’ll give you a call. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z About US

    8. Hello, you’ve reached [your name], [your job title] at [your company]. I’m sorry for missing your call, but if you leave a message that includes your name and contact information, I’ll get in touch as soon as I can.
    I'll call you, cause you called me. We're the ______ family. So leave your name and number at the tone. Sorry that we're not at home.

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“Hi, this is Ralph. You’re getting this message because I’m probably sleeping. Leave your message at the tone and maybe I’ll call you back when I’m awake. If this is about anything food-related, please press 411 and your call will be rerouted to the dog, who will immediately wake me up to take your call. Do not use 411 because you want to tell me you lost a whisker or your human changed cat litter brands on you. I don’t care. Food only! And anyway, why aren’t YOU sleeping? Weirdo.”

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Mom… Dad. I know you are mad that I’m never home to take your calls. So, as a solution to this, I think you guys should give me an early birthday present: a cell phone. beep.

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