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I've assembled this list in mid-nineties from the messages that people were emailing around. As far as I know, the author of this list is unknown.
The voicemail greeting should be multiple choice and include things like the name of your company, an automated response that is friendly and informative, and information on how to contact you by phone. .

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Obviously, I need to update it. And if you haven't changed your voicemail greeting in over a year, you're likely in the same boat.
Just when we think things can’t get any more brutal, Jimmy tells of how the main assailant – the Godmother if you will – begins to unleash her savage beating:

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48. Hello, you’ve reached [name] at [company name]. If you need help with [X reason], please contact [X person/X system] or [visit our website at X and send us an email]. For all other inquiries, please leave your name, phone number, and a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
If you end up in a prolonged game of phone tag despite your best voice mail efforts, it may be best to schedule a face-to-face appointment or a planned phone conversation at a specific time for cases that require a real discussion about test results or treatment options. Veterinary practices Marketing About the Author Roxanne Hawn View Bio Related Content Animal Health 7 Email Marketing Strategies and When to Use Them Animal Health Can You Repeat That? Animal Health Stronger veterinary marketing in the age of online scrolling LinkedIn YouTube Facebook Instagram Twitter Copyright ©2021 AmerisourceBergen Corporation. All Rights Reserved. Business VoIPHosted PBXSIP TrunkingEnterprise VoIPCall Center SoftwareUnified CommunicationsWeb ConferencingTeam CollaborationResidential VoIP

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Is your refrigerator running? You better go catch it! Corny jokes like this don't work anymore...and won't work in your voicemail greeting. Saying things like, "Hello, you've reach the machine that lives inside Mark's cell phone. Leave a message and I'll tell him!" are really unappealing and aren't even funny.

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Hello! This is 1-800-PRESLEY — Yes! 1-800-PRESLEY! They say the King died 10 years ago, but we know he’s still out there somewhere. So . . . leave your name and number and tell us where *YOU* saw Elvis!

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    Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. The roses have wilted, the violets are dead. The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head. The roses stink, sorta like sheep. But leave your name, number, and message after the beep. The roses are molding, the violets are rotten. And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten.
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    The point of a voicemail greeting is to encourage your callers to leave a message. More often than not, and this is becoming more evident every day, people are just hanging up and assuming the receiver will call back. On the other hand, funny voicemail greetings keep people on the phone longer. Given that you have already captured their attention and they have taken the time to listen to your greeting, they are certainly going to leave a message. This will not only remind you to return the call, but it also shows their interest in completing the home improvement project.

    Of course, you NEED a voicemail greeting for the times your salon is closed at least. Here’s a checklist of best practices.
    Creativity In Phone On Hold Messages “There are pros and cons,” explains Easy On Hold President Julie Cook. “We’ve never recommended a trivia-only script for messages on hold, but with hold times upwards of 5 to 6 minutes, a bit of creativity and fun can work. A …

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    Short and Creative Voicemail Greetings for Professional Businesses. 1. Hi this is [your name], I’m either away from my desk or on the phone, please leave your name and number along with a short message and I’ll be sure to get back to you. 2. I’m sorry, but I’m momentarily tied up.
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    Hi. This is David. I’ve shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I’m going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up I’ll play my messages. Please leave one.

    We look forward to serving you so please leave your contact info, details and reason for calling after the beep. We will call you right back!
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I would be more than happy to discuss your project and your budget, together we can come up with a plan that works for everyone. Budgets and negotiation are often part of the business world.

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Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.

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3. “Ooooooh, its a lady.” If its a lady on the other end, then yell “oooooh its a lady”! That lady will surely get a good laugh.

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Once you finish your voicemail message, you can end on a note of gratitude and express thanks or that you realize the recipient of the message us busy, so you’d appreciate a return call. Whichever way you choose, make certain that the tone of your message is upbeat. A business voicemail greeting sees each call as their chance to engage with their clients or vendors. Hello, you’ve reached the office of Lydecker and Lydecker. We are currently unavailable to answer your call. However, your call is important to us, so please leave your name, phone number or email address, and a brief message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you for your interest in Lydecker and Lydecker Law Offices. Professional tone Provide the caller with specific information Request the caller to leave specific information Extend gratitude for their call Professional Voicemail Greetings

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