I have a confession to make: I haven’t recorded a new voicemail greeting since 2014. In the past four years, I (hopefully) have become more articulate, poised, and self-assured. But hear my voicemail recording, and you’d think I was still new to the work world, a little unsure of myself — and probably not an authority. Obviously I need toupdate it. And if you haven’t changed your voicemail greeting in over a year, you’re likely in the same boat. After all, a professional voicemail recording boosts your credibility, makes you seem more competent, and encourages whoever’s listening to it to continue the relationship. A relatively unprofessional one — like mine, for instance — does the opposite: It encourages prospects, recruiters, and potential connections to run in the other direction. With that in mind, I’ve written 18 unique voicemail greetings for every situation. Pick your favorite, practice a few times, then record your new voicemail.
No1: Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

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but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for but whatever you have to say to him, you can tell me. We're VERY close Bwana fella no home now, so you fella leave talkie-talk. Bwana 'im big fella mek talkie-talk back real fas'.