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Website: https://www.onsip.com/voip-resources/smb-tips/business-voicemail-greetings-5-sample-scripts .

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January 19, Our users have volunteered their best greetings that are guaranteed to bring a chuckle to your callers: No one answers phone calls anymore; send me a text.
Practice your spiel so you can speak with authority. This lets the caller know how confident, qualified, and prepared you are. The goal is to sound like you’ve been doing this for years, not a few minutes.

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9. OK, so I followed all the instructions that came with the machine. I pressed all the necessary buttons. So… now what? I… am… so… confused. Could you please… beep.
My voicemail prompts the caller to leave his or her name and number. My dad’s response on his most recent message:

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Website: https://www.austincc.edu/offices/telecommunications-services/tutorials-and-reference-guides/sample-voicemail-greetings

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4. “What the hell do you want?” Well, this statement can be mistaken if you are having a bad day, but it will sound humorous if you answer your phone call with this.

  • funny greetings on voicemail

    A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future.

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    16. "Hmm. Gryffindor … No, Ravenclaw. Yes, you definitely belong in Ravenclaw. *Pause.* Okay, you haven't reached the Sorting Hat — it's the voicemail of [your name]. Please leave your name and number (and just for fun, the Harry Potter house you think you belong in) and I'll return your call as soon as possible."

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    22. "Hi, you've reached [your name, the office of X company]. We're closed until [date]. Please leave your name and phone number and someone will return your call ASAP. Have a great [New Year's, Fourth of July, etc.]."

    After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you and I'll think about returning your call. Thus, it is important for you to be clear while recording such messages. We hope you enjoyed these funny voicemail greetings! Since our business answering service is open 24 hours a day, you'll never be greeted by a voicemail greeting requesting you to leave a message.
    8. Base Visual Voicemail. Base Visual Voicemail is one of the top-rated voicemail apps till now, developed by Telenet Group. This app was designed with an aim to give you a wonderful experience while checking on voicemails while offering a great range of features to view and manage your calls and voicemails with ease.

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    5. Away/Vacation Voicemail Greeting Samples. “Hello, this is [Name] at [Company.] I will be out of the office for the week of [dates]. Please leave your name, number, and the reason for your call, and I will reply within 24 hours of my return. If you prefer, you can try me on my cell, [number].

    Hello, and welcome to Answering Machines of the Rich and Famous! Please leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message in a voice similar to mine, and your call will be returned as soon as humanly possible. This is Chris. This is his refrigerator. Hi, you have reached …. Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now.
    – Thank you for calling XYZ Company. We are currently unavailable to take your call. Our business hours are nine to five, Monday through Friday. If you know the extension number of the person you are trying to leave a message for, you may dial it now. Press 1 for sales. Press 2 for customer service. Press 3 for the billing department. Press 9 for a company directory, or hold on to leave a message for the operator. If this is an emergency, please enter 911 now to be connected with the after-hours support personnel.

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    “First, I am a big fan of the belt and suspender method,” she says. “So, the office would call; if the person is not there, the voice mail message is brief and is followed immediately with an email with all of the details.”

    Again, “sell to me”, “feel comfortable”. I want their subconscious to hear me say, speaking of which, I found a lot of sellers who reached out to us are just wondering when we're going to try and pull the wool over their eyes or whether the up to something scammy, so I like to just drop in indications that we understand that they're a little nervous about this and the whole transaction is going to be handled by a licensed attorney and a local title company, no kitchen table closings, so everything is being done above board.
    If you need to reach a patient, please press 1 and then say their name. If you are delusional, please have either you or your monkey press 2and we will connect you to Mothership. If you are dying… well that is not our problem and we cannot do anything about it.

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10. Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I’ll be right with you. You are half-way there.

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-This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.

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14. "Hello, you've reached the Sales Department at [Company name]. All of our representatives are currently helping clients [insert goal such as, 'achieve 40% growth through streamlining HR operations'] and are unable to take your call. Please leave your name, company, and phone number and we'll give you a call back ASAP. Thank you!"

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