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Hello, this is Jim. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges.

If you want to make a custom, Hollywood’esque gesture in your next outgoing message, may we suggest having a booming voice introduce you. Imagine all of your callers being greeted as if they were watching a trailer for the next blockbuster hit.
No one wants to hear that they have been fired, but hey, it happens, and you’re...
Hi, this is [Name]. I’m not currently available at the moment, but I look forward to talking with you. Please leave your contact information, along with a short message, and I’ll make certain to return your call.
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I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of 20 dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message. !

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If you’re looking for a short and simple message, we suggest turning to Homer Simpson as he tells callers to… leave a message.

“Hey! You’ve reached us here at [XYZ company]. All our team is currently out of the office for the holidays. We’ll be back to work on [date] well-fed and therefore eager to speak with you!
This is Chris. This is his refrigerator. Hi, you have reached …. Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now.
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While deciding on a greeting remember that while it is important to be friendly, do not try to be cute or overtly sweet. It is not necessary to state the obvious details. It may be a good idea to change your voicemail message as often as possible. Also if you are recording a message for a business organization, it is important to let the caller know how to skip the message that is playing. If it is possible then giving an alternate number where the caller can reach you is always a great idea. Given later in this article are some examples.
Recognize Their Need. When someone calls your business, the voicemail should give them a sense of validation. This means that your voicemail should extend gratitude for their interest in your business, or an apology for not being there to answer your call. These two simple courtesies can go a long way in the creation or establishment of client/business trust. Make it Informative for the Caller. Your voicemail must include all the information the customer will need for your particular business. For instance, if you’re a brick and mortar establishment, it’s wise to include your store hours. It’s also a good idea to leave them an alternate way to contact you, especially if it’s after hours. After all, you don’t want to miss just one potential customer. Here are some suggestions for elements to include in your voicemail: Business name Hours (if brick and mortar) Alternate method of contact, such as email Your name

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best voicemail welcome message

“Hello, this is Morgan Freeman. I wish I could tell you that Morgan Freeman was available to take your call. I wish I could tell you that, but this is no fairytale world. Morgan Freeman is gone now; to where I cannot say. But if you’re lucky, I might just call ya’ back. Get busy leavin’ your message.” how to call in sick voicemail

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This short, quick message tells him how you feel, shows he's on your mind, and makes him start thinking about you. All Rights Reserved.However, our staff loves to have fun when we can so we hope these funny voicemail greetings bring you a smile. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Just kidding, buddy.
If you’re out of the office, a voicemail greeting will essentially act as the first line of communication between you and clients or potential clients. So of course, this could be a great opportunity to add a hint of personality, while of course still remaining as professional as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun with it!
4. “What the hell do you want?” Well, this statement can be mistaken if you are having a bad day, but it will sound humorous if you answer your phone call with this.
10. “You are gonna be my new phone buddy.” Many people tend to come in the list of your best pals. This might be a great way to take your friendship to a whole new level.

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how to leave a good voice message

-So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, leave a message, and I’ll get back to thee.

Enjoy the short voice mail greetings that are sure to be funny. Use this at your own risk! This is the operator, what number were you trying to dial?
“You know what I hate about voice-mail messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, “We aren’t in, leave a message.” That’s why, I’ve decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me. Bye!”
I’d also say that it might be helpful for this sales agent to be using a script to leave a message. Most of the time when I listen to voice mail, I don’t have a lot of time. Messages that sound like the sales person is fumbling for words make it very frustrating for the message recipient.
Not sure if this is real or not (and either is snopes, see below). But, it sure is funny. Happy Monday! EDIT: Try this link. This is where I got it from, I didn't try the one below and it apparently doesn't work: Claim: Voicemail message describes a confrontation between a male motorist and four women after a minor traffic accident.

Don't mess with Bible-totin' old ladies.. Read this little explanation and then listen to the voicemail. You just have to laugh with the guy. On a recent Spurs trip, we were asking one of our sponsors who works at Jack in the Box for some funny stories or experiences with the company. The funniest story he had was when an operations manager was late for a meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late. As he was leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to provide "play by play" of the incident. After telling us the story, he promised to send us a copy of the voice mail and here it is. This is the actual voice mail message. It was passed along and forwarded so many times within Jack in the Box; it crashed their voice mail server. Origins: In one memorable episode of the 1970s television sitcom All in the Family, Archie Bunker is involved in a minor traffic accident and, eager to cash in on the incident, rushes out and engages a Jewish lawyer to sue the other party. However, after conferring with the defendant's attorney, Archie's lawyer advises him that he has http://www.snopes.com/autos/graphics/fight.gif no case, as the other side's witnesses are too strong. There's an old legal precept, he informs Archie: "You can't beat a station wagon full of nuns." Perhaps Archie Bunker couldn't beat a station wagon full of nuns, but according to a circulating audio clip, an Impala full of Bible-toting middle-aged women could beat (literally!) the motorist who ran into them. We present the recording for your listening enjoyment through [url="http://www.snopes.com/autos/audio/jackbox.mp3"]this (http://home.swbell.net/kf5tv/voicemail.mp3) link. The file size of the clip is over 4MB, so please be patient while it downloads. As to the questions of whether the account given above is an accurate explanation of the origins of this audio clip, and whether the traffic incident described actually took place, we have to leave them as "Undetermined" for now. A inquiry posed to the corporate offices of Jack in the Box restaurants produced the following response: Thank you for your inquiry. The message that has been in circulation is an actual voice mail message. The incident occurred 5-6 years ago in Texas. I'm not sure how the recording got outside the company or if the employee still works for Jack in the Box, but the recording periodically re-surfaces on the radio and the internet. Even if this explanation is accurate (i.e., the clip originated as a message left on a Jack in the Box employee's voicemail), it doesn't preclude the possibility that the accident described never took place, and the recording was just a prank one employee pulled on a co-worker. CF Staff, Angels and Ambassadors; ask that you join us in praying for the world in this difficult time, asking our Holy Father to stop the spread of the virus, and for healing of all affected. funny greetings for girlfriend what is a good cold call script free business voicemail greetings mp3 Close Project funny voicemail about chinese vaccine Website: https://www.openphone.co/blog/professional-business-voicemail-greetings/ Voicemail Normal. Saw Leave A Voicemai. Japan Girl Voicemail. Greetings. Mig phone greeting. Funny Vmail Greet. Elmer Fudd Greeting. Silence Of The Lambs. Leave Your Message. Obviously, my dad always replied with "Hello, this is 555-6789, give us a call back when you can." Every time. As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an answering machine... You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine... You hear a beep... Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. The roses have wilted, the violets are dead. The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head. The roses stink, sorta like sheep. But leave your name, number, and message after the beep. The roses are molding, the violets are rotten. And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten. Johnpaul MosesIn the REI game since Y2K, JP's deal-making adventures run the gamut from rehabs to rentals to realtoring to wholesaling—from REOs to lease options to seller financing to raw land. Many 100's of deals later, his active real estate game is played remotely today (from home) in various U.S. markets, and intentionally with the smallest team possible. The aim is high margins with the least possible time & effort. Less, but better. ‹ Previous Property Scouts—Viable for Leads in ‘White Hot’ Markets? Next › Driving for Dollars App 2.0—Cool Stuff Coming :-) how to call xfinity voicemail funny voicemail jokes how to hear your voice message Close Project where is voice message saved on iphone Now, here's where the embedded commands begin. I don't know if you've ever heard of Neurolinguistic Programming, NLP. I'm no Ninja at it, but I've learned a little bit about it through the years and if you can embed commands that aren't direct commands, not explicit, I'm commanding you to do this, but a subtle statement of a thing that embeds as a command to your subconscious mind, it can have an influencing effect on the other person. Hello. Thank you for contacting [Business Name]. Unfortunately, we are not currently available at the moment. Our regular office hours are Monday through Friday, 8 am to 4 pm, closed during the weekend. Please leave a message along with your name and number, and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible. God's Voice mail lol Jesus's Voice mail I am on H1 & my H1 (& visa stamping) expires in Apr 2009. My wife has H4 stamped on her passport until Apr 2009. My wife got her H1 approved in 2008 lottery with permit to start work starting October Ist, 2008. We are planning to take cruise to Bermuda from sep 28-oct 5. I just wanted to know , a) will her H4 stamping be expired on October 5, 2008 , as her H1 will become effective? c) or if someone knows whether she needs a valid visa stamping in accordance with her latest immigration status (h1 in this case on oct 5 , 2008) when returning to US in cruise. Answering Machine Messages: Funny, General And For Business - Wishes Messages Sayings. Just kidding, I love my job, [X company] is the best. This not only engages your targeted customers, but also creates a stronger sense of brand identity. Remember, only use fun or funny voicemail greetings if you feel that it reflects and works for your business. I've assembled this list in mid-nineties from the messages that people were emailing around. As far as I know, the author of this list is unknown. voice message sample how to put a voice message on my lg phone professional voicemail greetings examples Close Project X