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No2: Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)

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Practice your spiel so you can speak with authority. This lets the caller know how confident, qualified, and prepared you are. The goal is to sound like you’ve been doing this for years, not a few minutes.
-Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape. .

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Hello! You’ve reached [Luke on the Customer Success Team at LinkedPhone]. Our office is currently closed but rest assured your call is very important to me. Please leave your name and number and let me know how I could be of service to you. I’ll return your call on the next business day. Thank you!
6. Visual Voicemail Plus. Visual Voicemail Plus is a reliable voicemail app offering great customisation options for its users to manage their messages visually.

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How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this.
2.) A gracious phone message is 30-45 seconds when talking to those we don’t know well. As George Washington said (yep, that George Washington), and I’m paraphrasing, “With men of business, be brief.” Be pleasant, and get right to the point. You’ll appear more confident and capable of handling the situation which merited the call.

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“Hey there, this is [name]. You’ve reached [XYZ company]. Unfortunately, I’m currently away from the office and am traveling in [place]. I won’t be back in the office until [date] and I will get in touch with you then.

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    Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we'll assimilate you as soon as we can.

    To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzes reviews to verify trustworthiness. After viewing product detail pages, look here to find an easy way to navigate back to pages you are interested in. 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Seconds later say “HAHA, that was a fake beep created by my mouth. I fooled you good!” A is for A, B is for Beer, C is for C, D is for Drunk. Call me back in 48 hours when I’m R for Recovered! A is for apple, B is for beer and that may be why I’m not here. Leave a message. Alright listen, I’m on one line with my girlfriend and her best friend on the other. Leave a message and if you promise to not tell either of them that I’m a player, I’ll call you back. Back in MY DAY we didn’t use answering machines. We used jumbo sized devices to take messages for us. Those we called “Answering Machines” and I just realized.. I sound like an idiot! Bob is currently in the shower. He’s there an hour per day. I wonder what the heck he does in that time. Oh well, probably plays with himself. Help me.. HELP ME!! My wife wants me in bed. PLEASE CALL 911!!!! HURRY!!! AHHHHH!!! Hi this is Bob’s answering machine and I will need a few things from you. #1 is your full name including middle name. #2 is your address including postal code. #3 is your credit card number with the 3 digit security code on the back. There’s a porn site I want to join and I don’t want to use my moms information. Hi you have reached Bob and I’m not interested in having my grass cut, buying new windows or installing new doors. Hi you’ve reached Bob. If you want to leave a message press 1. If you want to leave a message about how sexy I am, press 2. If you have the wrong number, press 9. As you already can tell, the number pressing doesn’t do anything. I did all this just to feel.. cool.. Hi, I am Bob’s answering machine and he’s pissing me off. Everyday he changes his messages and I’m sick of all the button pressing he does. If you come over, can you please take me? I need a new owner who doesn’t push buttons! Hi, I understand how annoying long messages can be. Why do people always waste so much time talking about crap? Well I’m with you on this one. I can’t stand people who leave long messages talking about nothing useful. Why can’t they just get to the point? All they have to say is “Hey I’m not here cause I’m doing important stuff. Leave a message!” Anyways I kept this message short. Leave one after the beep. Hi, I’m in the process of getting married. Why can’t the priest operate as quick as a microwave? Less than 5 minutes or your money back! Hi, I’m not interested in answering your call right now but my voicemail is. Leave one! Hi, if you’re a telemarketer give me your number and I’ll call you back. What, you don’t want me to call you back? Now you know how I feel! Hi, my name is the answering machine and I record messages in your very own authentic voice. Would you like to increase the size of your penis? I sell those too! Hi, this is Bob’s voicemail and he’s on vacation. He’s in the Caribbean partying with all the tourists. If you like you can rob his place and I won’t say a word! Hi, you’ve reached the pizza delivery guy and I’m trying to make a delivery but am stuck waiting for the train to go by for the 10th time. This customer gets me every time! I had the phone ringing in my hand but was too lazy to answer it. Leave a message. If you are a male, keep your voice and say you are a female. Hi, this is Bob’s girlfriend. I drove him in debt and took his phone. Leave a message and if you sound rich & sexy, you’ll hear back! If you’re calling for Bob, press 1. If you are calling for Greg, press 2. Hey I have some news for you, there’s no Greg at this number. HAHA I lied to you! You got fooled pretty good! I’m pretty drunk & unstable. I think my hands are vibrating. How am I going to hold my next drink without spilling it?? PLEASE TELL ME!! I’m probably too lazy to answer. Leave a message and I’ll call back. If you don’t hear from me, then it’s cause I don’t like you! Keep your original voice Hi, I’m Katie and.. Who did I say I was? Oh man, I gotta keep off the Viagra! Make sound effects with your mouth. Yo Yo Yo.. This is Bob who’s here to make the save. You want to talk to me but I will be charging a fee. Leave a message so I can make enough for a massage! Oh no.. You’re calling.. Someone.. please pull my plug!!! Hello.. anyone there?? NOOOOOO… Oh wicked, I finally got an answering machine. YAY! Now how do you work this thing? Let’s see.. To record message, press the REC button. Alright, where the heck is the REC button? Someone else says out loud Bob you moron, it’s right here and you already pressed it! Then you say Ahh crap! Sorry I don’t answer the phone or check my messages but if you are calling to donate me money, leave a message and I’ll call you back within seconds. Sorry I missed your call. I’m probably running away from the wife. She’s in one of those moods.. AGAIN! This is Bob and I just picked up the best answering machine in the world. The recordings are in high quality. Leave a message now so I can listen to it in 5.1 surround sound! Yo, this is Bob coming to you from the rave, never knowing when to behave. I can rhyme within time and you should leave one before I win a ton! If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone. Funny Joker : I love funny jokes which is probably why I own this very funny jokes website :-) The jokes here are NOT work friendly, you've been warned. Recent Jokes Money Jokes Monster Jokes Time Jokes Bus Jokes Sheep Jokes Cow Jokes Camping Jokes Burger Jokes Weather Puns Weather Jokes Cannibal Jokes Baby Jokes Dad Jokes Grand National Jokes 69 Jokes Accounting Jokes Funny Things to Say at a Drive Thru Understanding Marketing Jokes Sperm Jokes Knock Knock Jokes Free Sex Jokes Funny Bumper Stickers Love at First Sight Joke Computer Jokes Magna Carta Joke
    The first Salient Media talent to appear on YouMail is comedian Katt Williams. He has appeared on a variety of television shows and comedy specials, but is best known for his triple platinum selling DVD Pimp Chronicles pt. 1. Other comedians are soon to follow.

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    You’ve reached ARC Construction, leaders in home remodeling and construction services. We are pleased to announce that we were recently named ‘Best Local Contractor’ by the Phoenix Herald, and we finished another year ‘Complaint Free’ from the Better Business Bureau! It’s just the kind of service you’d expect from your hometown professionals. We are sorry we are unable to take your call at this time, please leave a message, and we will get back to you as promptly as possible.

    3. YouMail Robocall Blocker & Voicemail. YouMail is one amongst the great free visual voicemail app that acts as spammer and robocalls blocker to protect you from unwanted callers.
    If you are hearing this tape, then I'm not here now. Please leave your name, number, D.O.B, address, social security number, age, height, weight, how many children you have, what sex you are, your mother’s maiden name, and the date and time when you called me. If you are still listening, then whatever you have to say must be very important. Please leave a message after the beep. advice (8) animals (1) cars (1) chain (1) cool (14) cute (13) food (7) funny (219) game (1) gender (1) gross (9) health (6) history (3) hollywood (2) interesting (45) jokes (68) nature (4) office (2) picture (14) sappy (8) science (6) stories (2) stupid (21) travel (7) video (22) warning (7) women (2) Archive April (3) November (4) November (3) March (1) February (1) January (2) December (6) November (2) October (2) September (3) June (2) March (1) January (1) August (5) June (2) May (19) April (6) March (5) February (10) January (11) December (15) November (14) October (17) September (18) August (21) July (30) June (29) May (23) April (31) March (4)

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    This sequence of synthesised piano notes starts off with the notes (A#, F - one perfect fifth up, and D# ... knocking and throbing at a roomdoor - mp3 version knocking and throbing at a roomdoor - ogg version knocking and throbing at a roomdoor - waveform knocking and throbing at a roomdoor - spectrogram 55320.0

    “We are thrilled to be partnering with YouMail to help entertainers such as Katt Williams connect with their fans through YouMail’s unique and innovative voicemail service,” said Gary Binkow, CEO of Salient Media. “YouMail offers not only a way to connect entertainers with their fans, but also gives fans the opportunity to express their personality and interests in a new and exciting way.”
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    Inspirational Quotes. Leave your caller with something meaningful to think about. Mark Twain . The classic adage "when greatness calls" can be used as a funny greeting."When greatness calls, I may not be able to pick up my phone immediately, so leave a message."

    A is for academics, B is for beer. So leave a message. After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. Finally get an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does……. This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes.
    Now, here's where the embedded commands begin. I don't know if you've ever heard of Neurolinguistic Programming, NLP. I'm no Ninja at it, but I've learned a little bit about it through the years and if you can embed commands that aren't direct commands, not explicit, I'm commanding you to do this, but a subtle statement of a thing that embeds as a command to your subconscious mind, it can have an influencing effect on the other person.

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You have entered into a glorious pool of sound. You are traveling through time with a weightless companion known as music, and as Liquid Parallax as your tour guide, prepare to be exhilarated. Amusing / Fun-Sites / Humor Funny Answering Machine Voice Messages by Joey on Dec 9, 2007 • 3:27 pm 3 Comments

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10. "Hello, you've reached [X company]. We can't take your call right now, but please leave your name, contact information, and reason for reaching out, and one of our team members will be in touch within 24 hours.

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So leave a message at the beep. Hi…You have reached name. I am unable to answer your call. Leave your name and number and I will return your call…If you are a bill collector, please send me a self-addressed stamped envelope so I can send you my latest bills.JavaScript seems to be disabled in your browser. You must have JavaScript enabled in your browser to utilize the functionality of this website. There are very few cases in which our telephone answering service would recommend having an antiquated voicemail answer your incoming calls.

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I was trying to put together the puzzle of my life and realized there's a piece missing - you. Business transition voicemail greetings communicate important information resulting from changes to your business activities driven by things like a new address or remodeling. Keep it light and simple! In the new HBO documentary Robin Williams: Come Inside My Mind, Billy Crystal, fellow comedian and decades-long friend of Robin Williams, opens up about his bond with the late comedian, including a series of voicemails that I'm leaving you this message because it's the fastest way for my heart to reach yours.

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