"Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies." - Quark, DS9 S2E1, "The Homecoming" CivCube, May 23, 2003 Joined: Nov 26, 2002 Messages: 9,643 Location: Kansas puglover, May 23, 2003 Joined: Oct 1, 2001 Messages: 2,272 Location: North Crackalacken "Seinfeld" - Georges answering machines message anyone? .:KNAS:., May 23, 2003 Joined: Sep 12, 2002 Messages: 2,031 Location: Monterrey, Mexico you guys are killing me, I feel like I want to buy an answering machin ASAP! Zcylen, May 23, 2003 Joined: Jan 9, 2003 Messages: 603 Gender: Male Location: northwest Montana Any of you read Doug Hofstadter's Gödel, Escher, Bach: an Eternal Golden Braid? If so, you'll understand the message I actually put on my office voice mailbox: "Your message has just been sent to Tumbolia, the land of dead hiccups and burnt-out light bulbs. Have a nice day." Siegmund, May 23, 2003 Joined: Aug 9, 2002 Messages: 9,471 Location: USA Hello, you have reached the [enter your name here] residence. Please leave your message after the beep. [About a minute passes, no beep. The person decides to leave their message. Hopefully a particularly long one.] *beep* Ohhhhhh, yes. Oh, yeah! Uh huh, ohhhhhh yeah... Ooohhh... Oh my God, is that thing recording? *beep* If you are trying to reach [your phone number here], please stop. I don't like people calling me. I don't like people at all, really. If you have any will to survive, please do not decide to call me back. Thank you. [Only if you don't live in a German-speaking place]: STOPPEN SIE, MICH, SIE ANZURUFEN DUMME LAUNE! ICH MAG SIE NICHT! GEHEN SIE ZUR HÖLLE! OH- UND VERLASSEN IHRE ANZEIGE NACH DEM SIGNALTON. *beep* WillJ, May 23, 2003 Joined: Jan 9, 2002 Messages: 149 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada K-Man, May 23, 2003 Joined: Jun 1, 2002 Messages: 1,148 Location: Québec Hello? Yes, yes, okay, okay, yes, wait a minute... bip!
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Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Jane and Bob with dark sparkling Folger's Crystals. Leave your name, number, and a brief message and they'll call you back when they're nice and percolated. See if you can tell the difference.
A funny voicemail greeting is one of those things that seems like a good ideauntil you hear it time and time again. For business and professional life, funny voicemail greetings just doesn't make sense. If you're expecting an important call, or trying to impress someone you certainly won't want them irritated by your voicemail message.Here are 5 examples of funny phone greetings, and why
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"John, this is Mark from Pinnacle. I've been working with Steve at JKY industries and It's urgent that I talk to you. You can reach me at 123 (pause 2 seconds) 456 (pause 1-2 second) 7890. That number again is 123.....456.....7890." Hangup.
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Hi, you have reached Angela, Senior Recruitment Specialist. If you are calling to inquire about the status of your application, you can access that information by logging into your account on our online portal, where you applied. Due to the high volume of applications we receive, it is not possible to respond directly to all applicants, only to those whose candidacy is being pursued. For additional information on our recruitment process and what you can expect, please review the FAQ page on our website. If you need immediate assistance, please call back and dial extension 6 for the Human Resources receptionist, or you can leave a message, and I will return your call. Thank you.
As we iterated in 5 Voicemail Message Myths, when you are leaving a message for your potential leads, there are certain rules everyone should follow. Those myths have been studied and show that dismissing them result in fewer callbacks. Nonetheless, few studies have been dedicated to voicemail greetings. Therefore, you should think outside of the box and do something different. A comedic voicemail like this famous greeting from George Costanza in Seinfeld is a great example.
Below are some of the best clean funny answering machine (voicemail) messages! Want to know the best part? You can try using them in your answering machine or voice mailbox life.
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Save Time by Building Phone Greeting and Voicemail Scripts. Most advanced cloud call center software offer a variety of phone greetings and voicemail types that can be customized according to the needs of your business.. Effective customized greetings are integral to call center success. The greetings and voicemail messages that callers hear when they connect with your call center set the tone
The point of a voicemail greeting is to encourage your callers to leave a message. More often than not, and this is becoming more evident every day, people are just hanging up and assuming the receiver will call back. On the other hand, funny voicemail greetings keep people on the phone longer. Given that you have already captured their attention and they have taken the time to listen to your greeting, they are certainly going to leave a message. This will not only remind you to return the call, but it also shows their interest in completing the home improvement project.
Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you. Hi, this is _____. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. Hello, this is _____. I’m not home right now, but I can take a message.
“Good morning. You’ve reached the voicemail of [your name]. Today is [date]. Please leave me a message with your name and contact information. Oh, and here’s my motivational quote of the day: [read quote].”
But this time, why not try something different? Instead of keeping such serious messages, let us have some interesting and funny greetings. Keeping such hilarious greetings will not only make you feel good, but your callers will also enjoy listening to them.
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Leave me a message and wait by your phone till I can call you back. Hey, it’s me. I am home, but really trying to avoid someone I don’t like. So if you’ve left me a message and I haven’t called you back, then it’s probably you. Hi there! (pause) I am (your name)’s answering machine. (Your name) is …
8. Outside Business Hours. What the caller hears when they call your company outside of business hours. Sample Scripts: “Thank you for calling [company name].
Help CFC Save the World In the top 200 of over 44,000 teams. All you need is a computer. Now folding with the help of Blazer6. taper, May 26, 2003 "Oh my God, the ringing, THE RINGING! Please, STOP THE RINGING!!! AAAAARRRRRGGHHHH!!!!" *beep* WillJ, May 26, 2003 Joined: Feb 8, 2002 Messages: 10,278 Location: Atlanta, former CSA Irish Caesar, May 28, 2003 Joined: Feb 16, 2003 Messages: 3,098 Location: -4 GMT I don't feel like answering the phone right now. If you leave a message maybe I'll get back to you...or maybe I won't. If you don't hear from me in 72 hours, I decided not to return your call. YNCS, May 28, 2003 Log in with Facebook Your name or email address: Do you already have an account? No, create an account now. Yes, my password is: Home Forums > COLOSSEUM > Humor & Jokes > Search Forums Recent Posts Account Upgrades Civ6 Civ5 Civ4 Civ3 Civ2 Civ1 Modiki Members Notable Members Current Visitors Recent Activity New Profile Posts Search titles only Posted by Member: Newer Than: Search this thread only Search this forum only Display results as threads Style Civilization VI Language English (US) Contact Us Help Home Top RSS Here are some funny answering machine messages to download and record to your answering machine. If you are not Redirected Please Click Here to Continue to the Answering Machine Messages
“Hello, it’s me. I was wondering if after all these years you’d leave a message at the beep. Hello, can you hear me? I’m in California dreaming about the message that you’ll leave. Hello from Ellen.”
Top 7 business voicemail greetings. 1. Hi, you’ve reached [ you name] of [ your business ]. I’m sorry that I’m not available to answer your call at the present time. Please leave your name, number and a quick message at the tone and I’ll forward your message to the appropriate person. 2.
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35. Hello, we’re wishing you all a happy [X holiday]. Our office is currently closed so our employees can celebrate with their loved ones. Please leave your name, number, and reason for calling and a member of our team will return your call when we reopen on [X date].
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"Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished."
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“We are thrilled to be partnering with YouMail to help entertainers such as Katt Williams connect with their fans through YouMail’s unique and innovative voicemail service,” said Gary Binkow, CEO of Salient Media. “YouMail offers not only a way to connect entertainers with their fans, but also gives fans the opportunity to express their personality and interests in a new and exciting way.”
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No36: Hello, this is Marlin's answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks. No37: I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey -- that's a nice phone you have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings... I might even play my beep for you.
– Thank you for calling (name of the company). If you know the extension number of the person you are trying to reach, you may dial it now. Press 1 for sales. Press 2 for customer service. Press 3 for the billing department. Press 8 to access our fax on-demand system. Press 9 for a company directory, or press 0 for the operator.
Hello you are talking to a machine; I am capable of receiving messages. My owner your name here does not need siding windows or a hot tub, and her carpets are clean. Hello, your name summer home. Leave your message at the tone.
13. "Hello, you've reached [company]. If you're looking for information on [X], please check out our [Facebook page, company website, etc.] If you want to know more about [Y], take a look at [Z page on our site, our YouTube channel, etc.] Still have more questions, or just want to chat with our team? Leave your name and number, and we'll return your call straight away."
Laugh as you watch how Mr. Neeson’s fan got him to record a custom voicemail greeting here.
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7. The Friendly Script. If you want to get a callback that will make your day, you need to be enthusiastic and sound exciting. The prospect might be enchanted to listen to your voicemail till the end.
5. Happy Holidays from GetVoIP! Sorry we couldn’t find one of the interns to answer your call, we’re all tied up trying to finish off this supply of Eggnog before the year ends. Feel free to check out our website, or even leave a message. We’ll be returning to the office after the New Year on January 2nd, and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can.
You have reached xxx-xxxx. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in “as-is” condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don’t return your call, it means the machine did not work.
A voicemail and voicemail greeting are two different things. A voicemail serves to leave a message and contact information to an individual or business. A voicemail greeting serves to welcome those who call while you are out, encouraging them to leave a message and contact information. A well-crafted voicemail greeting also serves as a tool where one can leave a good first impression.
Tip: If you’re not sure how to leave a good voicemail, check out the most effective voicemail script ever and how to end a voicemail that keeps the sales conversation open.
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Hi. This is Kevin and Diana's vacuum cleaner. Their appliances have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone 'cause my old job sucked. So leave a message after you hear the beep, and you can be sure it's in the bag.
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Along the way, voice mail usage also suffered significant drops. People not only stopped leaving voice mail messages, they stopped listening to voice mail messages received. In 2012 Vonage, a voice over Internet Protocol (IP) carrier, tracked an 8 percent drop in voice mails left for users. Even worse, Vonage saw a 14 percent drop in people even bothering to listen to voice mail messages others left for them. The company has not released updated stats, but I’d assume the decline continues five years later.
"Uh...had a slight weapons malfunction. But, uh, everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here...now...thank you. How are you?" cromagnon, May 26, 2003 Joined: Jul 27, 2002 Messages: 1,463 You have reached the room of Matt and Brad. I am busy throwing Brad out the window (scream, quickly diminishing), so please leave a message. We had to try about 6 times before we didn't laugh while making it. Our RA came in and asked if everything was alright from my screaming.
7. Hello, this is [your name] at [your company]. I’m currently out of the office, but if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, and I’ll return your call as soon as I get back.
A word of warning: These greetings will not do you any favors if you’re in the midst of a job hunt or work in a conservative industry. Always remember your target personas. If there’s a chance they won’t appreciate your sense of humor, opt for a straightforward greeting instead. “This is Bond. James Bond. Okay, it’s really [your last name]. [Your first name] [your last name]. I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m done helping M16 save the world — which will probably be tomorrow at the latest. Have a good day.” “Hmm. Gryffindor … No, Ravenclaw. Yes, you definitely belong in Ravenclaw. *Pause.* Okay, you haven’t reached the Sorting Hat — it’s the voicemail of [your name]. Please leave your name and number (and just for fun, the Harry Potter house you think you belong in) and I’ll return your call as soon as possible.” “Hello! You’ve gotten the voicemail of [your name]. Leave your name, contact info, and the answer to the eternal question ‘Which came first, the chicken or the egg?’ Anyone who gets it right will receive a call back.”
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If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional. This is David.
19. Hi, you’ve reached [employee name]’s voicemail box. [Employee first name] no longer works for [company name]. Please call our main line at [phone number] and we’ll be happy to connect you with a current team member who can help.
9. Queue Callback Message. What the caller hears when they request a callback from the queue. Sample Scripts: “You have requested to have the next available agent call you back from the queue.
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Can’t take your call, I'm hiding from the men in white coats. We've been playing hide'n'seek for weeks, and they still haven't found me! Tee Hee Hee! Leave a message?
We look forward to serving you so please leave your contact info, details and reason for calling after the beep. We will call you right back!
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You can’t call someone back if you don’t have their number. It seems basic, but it’s easy to forget. So a quick reminder can go a long way.
“Hey, there! This is [your name]. Please leave me a message with your name, number, and the reason you’re calling. If you also tell me [insert random fact] I’ll be sure to move you to the top of my call list. Have a great day!”
Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional. This is David. Please leave one. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If it is bad news, do not leave the bad news in a voice mail. Good news voice mail – “Ms. Smith, this is Dr. Vet, and you will be glad to hear all of Fluffy’s testing came back fine. She is good to go until her next appointment.” Bad news voice mail – “Ms. Smith, this is Dr. Vet, and we have the results of Fluffy’s tests. Please
I love jokes. You want to know something I hate? Wanna hear a joke? Knock, knock! Hello, and thank you for calling the Starstripe Mental Hospital.
Hello. This is Chris. John and Mike aren’t here right now, but if you leave a message, they’ll get back to you as soon as they can.
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Short and Creative Voicemail Greetings for Professional Businesses. 1. Hi this is [your name], I’m either away from my desk or on the phone, please leave your name and number along with a short message and I’ll be sure to get back to you. 2. I’m sorry, but I’m momentarily tied up.
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Hi, this is John's answering machine again. He's gone and left me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Eddy's. Life sucks.
Alright, so that's it. I'm done walking through the nuances of the script. I hopefully highlighted some of them that I think were tricky to discover and are important and subtle, but help accomplish a connection and a friendly vibe and at least a baseline. I'm just an average local guy, not some big fancy business. Uh, and uh, more likable, trustable posture.
Hi, this is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.
