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Keeping such hilarious greetings will not only make you feel good, but your callers will also enjoy listening to them. Would you like to write for us? Well, we're looking for good writers who want to spread the word.

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Hi, this is Stephanie's answering machine. If you're the phone company asking for money, stop bugging her, she'll send it sooner or later. If you're a TV company advertising TVs, she already has a TV with every channel known to man, and several known to monkeys. If you called for any other reasons, please hang up the phone, start screaming, and run to the nearest shoe store. When you get there, ask them for a cheeseburger. (This probably won't help you, but we'll always have something to laugh about when we're bored.)
Employees’ expectations of privacy for the mobile devices they own and use for work don’t match up with reality, according to a survey of 2,997 workers in the U.S., the United Kingdom and .

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Mick’s storyful messages are keeping customers happy even though their calls were not answered. So happy in fact, that those that hear the voicemail are sharing them with others and laughing along with the owner when he calls them back.
Have a positive attitude while recording your voicemail greeting — it will carry through in your voice. If you find it difficult to convey positivity over a phone system, try smiling while you’re recording. (We promise, you will hear a difference.)

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YouMail, a free cell phone voicemail service provider, has partnered with Salient Media to provide users with comedic voicemail greetings. Some of the greetings from Salient entertainers are free, while other greetings are sold on a subscription basis. Subscriptions range between $1.99 a month to $9.99 a month, based on the number of different greetings a user uses at one time. “This partnership is a significant milestone in YouMail’s goal of creating and distributing the best premium content to our users,” said Alex Quilici, CEO of YouMail. “Salient Media’s breadth and depth within the entertainment industry will give us the opportunity to offer YouMail users premium content from the industry’s most popular and powerful entertainers, artists, comedians and actors.”
Hi this is Sonny and Attie's machine. Medicare didn’t send us enough money this month so we are out robbing the liquor store. If this is the police we are just napping.

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13Please repeat the captcha below [utter captcha] to confirm you are not a robot before being allowed to leave a message at [your name]’s voicemail. This is a great copy of the internet’s way of cracking down on spam and robots. Callers will be left repeating the captcha unknowingly. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you leave me a voicemail, then that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will call you. This is a classic line from the movie Taken (without the violence). Your callers will always get startled at the threat initially but will surely leave them in jitters as they drop a message in your voicemail. This is a classic trick and one that is both funny and frustrating. Watching people continue to speak as if you’re there is funny. Make sure they know when to leave a message though. You may also like 10 Great Templates: How to Say Thank You for Your Order to Customers

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Voices.com connects you with over 200,000 voice talents. The artist will send you an audition and an estimated quote to complete the work. Once you listen to all auditions, you select your talent to begin the project.

  • whats a good funny voicemail

    With my cell phone in my hand and her watching her show. I asked her if she could get me a beer and she said no. Then her cell phone rang in the kitchen and she quickly got up to see what it was. My message said while you're in the kitchen can you get me a beer. I don't remember the rest

    13. Hello, you’ve reached [business name]. All of our team members are busy at the moment, but if you leave a brief message, someone will return your call as soon as possible.
    Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

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    It is true, the people we want the most, we have to live without. Saying goodbye to you is such a crazy thing! Promise me this is not the end of everything. Thank you!

    14. Hi, you’ve reached [business name]. We can’t take your call at the moment, but if you leave your name and number, the next available team member will return your call as soon as possible.
    We have added expanded forums for the new strategy games Humankind and Old World. Civilization's 30th Birthday Contest: Give Civ a Present, Get One Back! New Forums for Humankind and Old World 100 Of The Funniest Thing To Put On Your Answering Machine Theard Page 1 of 9 1 ← 2 3 4 5 6 → 9 Next > Joined: Apr 12, 2003 Messages: 45 Location: at my house Lets try to put 100 of the funniest thigs you can put on your answering machine. I can't think of any thing so somebody else start off, and links to web sites are ok. Chain n' Axe, May 22, 2003 Joined: Apr 10, 2003 Messages: 359 Location: Here " OH MY GOD PUT THE GUN DOWN! PLEASE PUT IT DOWN! BOOM!!!" *beep*

  • personal greeting messages for voicemail

    “Yo, this is Leon. If you’re calling about scoring some catnip — oops, I mean ‘you know what,’ meow twice in your message. If you’re calling about ear-cleaning services, meow once. Or maybe meow once for ‘you know what’ and twice for ear cleaning. I don’t remember. Maybe don’t leave a message and we’ll psychically connect. OK? Cool.”

    As we iterated in 5 Voicemail Message Myths, when you are leaving a message for your potential leads, there are certain rules everyone should follow. Those myths have been studied and show that dismissing them result in fewer callbacks. Nonetheless, few studies have been dedicated to voicemail greetings. Therefore, you should think outside of the box and do something different. A comedic voicemail like this famous greeting from George Costanza in Seinfeld is a great example.
    If you need to reach a patient, please press 1 and then say their name. If you are delusional, please have either you or your monkey press 2and we will connect you to Mothership.

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    Jan, professional voicemail greeting examples. hi thanks for calling company name. please leave a brief message and we will get back to you Good personal voicemail greeting examples. john smith wants to leave a friendly, short message which gives all necessary details and asks clearly for the info hell need to return the call.

    Many times, when we call our friends, family members, or any other places, all we get is the voicemail. But when that message on the other side of the line is plain, it can really put someone off. You voice message greetings are supposed to be fun, energetic, and witty so that the callers want to pick up their phones and give you a call just so they can listen to the greeting again.
    People around us can need help at any time of the day. Many a time friends, family, boss, colleagues, relatives, and acquaintances need to inform us of something important at odd hours. Some may know when to call you and some of them won’t. In cases where you are not accessible, leaving a simple voicemail on your phone can ease their worry.

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2. My ass and I are out for a walk. So as soon as I can get my ass back in the house, I’ll give you a call. Leave a message till then.

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You’ve reached [LinkedPhone – Where Freedom Rings]. We are currently off-duty. Our business hours are [Monday through Saturday, 9am to 7pm Eastern Standard Time]. Please leave your name, number, and the reason for your call and we’ll get back to you on the next business day. Thank you.

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So, if you’re looking for a fun way to spice up your personal telephone’s outgoing message, we have listed 10 celebrities that have contributed to funny voicemail greetings for your callers’ amusement.

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This call is from a woman that is calling to ask us to go investigate a strange situation with her neighbor. Apparently her neighbor has attached a tiller to the family dog and is making the dog drag it around to rake leaves?

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