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It starts off pretty normal until Jimmy witnesses said car accident while speaking:

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Please leave your contact info, full name, and other details and I’ll call you back once I’m back in the [city/country/area]. Ciao for now!”
Sorry, Chris and Susan aren’t here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message before the tone. .

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I don't actually have an answering machine or voicemail or whatever, but I would have had this one: Hallo?
Hi, this is John's answering machine again. He's gone and left me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Eddy's. Life sucks.

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Just when we think things can’t get any more brutal, Jimmy tells of how the main assailant – the Godmother if you will – begins to unleash her savage beating:
Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

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Hello, this is John’s answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks.

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2. Hi, I’m not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

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    You may think your voicemail message is professional. But when you listen back it could sound rushed or shaky. Listen to it regularly to see if changes are needed.

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    After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding.

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    Maralee McKee is dedicated to helping you become the person you most want to be and to live a confident, kind, and generous life! She is a contemporary etiquette, manners, and people skill expert and the founder of the prestigious Etiquette School of America. She's in the top one percent of experts in her field, and her etiquette skills blog is the most read in the United States. Maralee presents business etiquette seminars to corporations large and small and coaches individuals one-on-one virtually and in-person. Her book on how moms can teach their children to become the best version of themselves (Harvest House Publishing) earned the prestigious Mom’s Choice Gold Award for excellence in parenting books.

    The point of a voicemail greeting is to encourage your callers to leave a message. More often than not, and this is becoming more evident every day, people are just hanging up and assuming the receiver will call back. On the other hand, funny voicemail greetings keep people on the phone longer. Given that you have already captured their attention and they have taken the time to listen to your greeting, they are certainly going to leave a message. This will not only remind you to return the call, but it also shows their interest in completing the home improvement project.
    If anything big changes- address, phone, etc.- make sure you correct your voicemail early on. Keep It Short; We know, we know. We just gave you all this information and we’re now telling you to ‘keep it short‘. But, a professional voicemail greeting (or any for that matter) shouldn’t go beyond 20-25 seconds.

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    Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. If your one of your name 's friends, you may also leave a message at the They are perfect alternatives when you want to add some uniqueness to your voicemail.

    Thinking of having some fun with your callers while you are away? Here are some funny answering machine greetings and messages. Take a look.
    Fiverr is a popular freelance service anyone can use to get creative work — in this case, a personalized voicemail greeting. On Fiverr, you first check out the freelancer’s work samples to evaluate whether they’re a good fit for your company. We recommend reading feedback and reviews on various creatives, contacting potential freelancers with any questions you have, and browsing through various package options.

  • sample business voicemail greetings scripts

    Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

    Random facts could include their favorite movie, vacation spot, candy, or television show. Regardless of what you choose, it will surprise your caller and more than likely make them leave a message if they were considering hanging up.
    -Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

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Hi this is Sonny and Attie's machine. Medicare didn’t send us enough money this month so we are out robbing the liquor store. If this is the police we are just napping.

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Funny Voicemail Greetings, Answering Machine Messages & Pa Announcements is an English album released in 2015. There are a total of 37 songs in Funny Voicemail Greetings, Answering Machine Messages & Pa Announcements. The songs were composed by Worldwide Talent Group, a talented musician. Listen to all of Funny Voicemail Greetings, Answering Machine Messages & Pa Announcements online on JioSaavn.

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hello. This is (your name). I can get to the phone right now i just dont want to.

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