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The following selection has been shared by others around the global and intended to inspire you to create your own unique humorous voicemail. A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century.

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Various messages for using with my cellphone voicemail. - I certify that I am over 13 years old. - I agree to the privacy policy and the terms of usage. Membership is free, secure and easy.
Hey It’s _____. Here are three things you probably shouldn’t do right now: 1.) Don’t leave a message. It’s boring to listen to and a waste of my time. 2.) Don’t call me back. I didn’t answer for a reason so just keep that in mind. 3.) .

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You can use any of the ideas for voicemail messages given in this article. Proper voicemail etiquette is extremely important while drafting a message for your phone. Voicemail messages should always be concise and to-the-point so that the caller is not confused by excess information. In the holiday season try to add holiday greetings to your voicemail. Drafting a voice mail message is very simple as long as you know exactly what you want to say and how to say it.
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professional voicemail greetings for business

Dear Caller: As I'm leaving you this message, the sun is shining for a change. Little children are cavorting in the park, and their tasty mothers and teenage sisters are sunbathing practically nude. So, did you really think I was going to stick around this dump?
9. Queue Callback Message. What the caller hears when they request a callback from the queue. Sample Scripts: “You have requested to have the next available agent call you back from the queue.

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Phone Solicitor Discouragement: The Long-Winded Voicemail Message. November 12, 2014. November 12, 2014 by funny. By pure, ridiculous serendipity, I found a way to almost bring a stop to phone solicitor calls, a major nuisance for dinosaurs who wish to hang onto their land lines.

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Hello, and welcome to Answering Machines of the Rich and Famous! Please leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message in a voice similar to mine, and your call will be returned as soon as humanly possible. This is Chris. This is his refrigerator. Hi, you have reached …. Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now.

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    Now, towards the end, I want to be sure and set the expectation that I'm probably not going to be in a position to pay you full market value for your property and I explained why. However, I can pay a fair price based on the condition and the situation you have at hand.

    3. "Hey, this is [your name]. If you're calling for [X reason], please [contact so-and-so] or [go to our website, send me an email]. For all other inquiries, leave your name and a brief message and I'll call you back within [one, two, three] business day[s].
    How did you get this number?! If you are a friend, trying to give us money or just want to talk, then leave a message or try my cell phone number. But you can tell me all of that in the message you leave me. So, haha funny story, my phone and I are playing hide and seek….

  • sample professional voicemail greetings

    No48: You have reached 234-1243. This is an answering machine. This is the nineties. You know what to do.

    Here are some proven techniques for how to leave a voicemail message that gives you the best chance of getting a call back:
    So, if you’re looking for a fun way to spice up your personal telephone’s outgoing message, we have listed 10 celebrities that have contributed to funny voicemail greetings for your callers’ amusement.

  • best business voicemail greetings

    Wrap up with a call to action, an explicit call to action again speaking to their subconscious mind. So here's what you have to do next. Take a moment, leave me a message with your name, phone number twice, including your area code, the address of the property you're thinking of selling, your asking price. A lot of people don't like to include that because they don't want the seller fixating on a price. I like to know what's on their mind if they even have a starting point. You noticed, I don't say what you're asking, what, what you need to get for the property, because I'm probably not going to be able to offer them their asking price, but I'd like to know what, if anything, they have in mind.

    2. 605-475-6961: Harry Potter's contact. This one is for the Harry Potter Universe fans. If you are seeking admission into the fabled Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, then dial this line.
    I’ve got you covered. I’ve compiled some of the best voicemail greetings you can use for virtually any situation you’ll come across.

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    A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future.

    4. “What the hell do you want?” Well, this statement can be mistaken if you are having a bad day, but it will sound humorous if you answer your phone call with this.
    A word of warning: These greetings will not do you any favors if you’re in the midst of a job hunt or work in a conservative industry. Always remember your target personas. If there’s a chance they won’t appreciate your sense of humor, opt for a straightforward greeting instead. “This is Bond. James Bond. Okay, it’s really [your last name]. [Your first name] [your last name]. I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m done helping M16 save the world — which will probably be tomorrow at the latest. Have a good day.” “Hmm. Gryffindor … No, Ravenclaw. Yes, you definitely belong in Ravenclaw. *Pause.* Okay, you haven’t reached the Sorting Hat — it’s the voicemail of [your name]. Please leave your name and number (and just for fun, the Harry Potter house you think you belong in) and I’ll return your call as soon as possible.” “Hello! You’ve gotten the voicemail of [your name]. Leave your name, contact info, and the answer to the eternal question ‘Which came first, the chicken or the egg?’ Anyone who gets it right will receive a call back.”

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You must have JavaScript enabled in your browser to utilize the functionality of this website. There are very few cases in which our telephone answering service would recommend having an antiquated voicemail answer your incoming calls.

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5. 605-475-6959: The bad breath notification hotline. Have you ever met someone that, on first glance, looks to be an ideal mate but as soon as they open their mouth and begin speaking, an unbelievable odour comes from their mouth?

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Please be advised that these messages are posted here because I thought they was amusing and I thought that others might enjoy them also. If you are one of the people that left one of these messages and are offended by seeing it here just let me know and I'll take it down.

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Whoopee, a call. I wonder who this could be? No…wait…don’t tell me…Oh yeah. Sorry, you bore me.

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