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(make a little noise in the background). Hi, you’ve reached your friend’s house. He/she isn’t home right now and I took the opportunity to rob it. I was about to steal the machine as well and you called. After the beep, leave your name and number. I will write it on a post-it and leave it on the refrigerator for him/her to see. Oh and one more thing; where did you say you lived?
Below are some of the best clean funny answering machine (voicemail) messages! Want to know the best part? You can try using them in your answering machine or voice mailbox life. .

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Friends and colleagues speak to each using first names only. So do people of authority. They do not call each other and leave voicemail messages asking for Mister, Miss, or Mrs. Therefore, when you call a person you want to do business with and you leave a voicemail message, refer to them by their first name only. Don't say mister, miss, or misses. Don't say their last name. Begin your voicemail message by saying only "hi/hello" followed by the person's first name. Or, you can even forget the "hi/hello" and just say the person's first name. That is how you show confidence and authority and separate yourself from weak salespeople.
9. This is Dan Cassidy’s answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I’ve doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.

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This is an answering machine. This is the nineties. You know what to do. 59. You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep. 60. This is a boring answering machine message. Leave a message anyway. [Use to keep people from calling at odd hours to hear your latest exciting message.] 61.
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HI, you’ve reached (name). I’m so sorry I can’t pick up the call right now because I am standing right behind you. GOTCHA.

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You’re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

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    Hi, you have reached (names) voicemail. If you want money or to sell us something, we a) gave at the office, b) already have it, or c) don’t want it. If you are a …

    “Hey, there! This is [your name]. Please leave me a message with your name, number, and the reason you’re calling. If you also tell me [insert random fact] I’ll be sure to move you to the top of my call list. Have a great day!”
    A death announcement email about a colleague is likely to have an effect on staff and... dating advices social etiquette tips thank you messages work tips career advice business email writing words to describe instagram captions words to parents words to friends birthday wishes motivational words love texts for him marriage advice sympathy what to say holiday greetings job interview tips love texts for her good luck wishes good excuses wedding tips Workplace 20 Good Excuses to Miss Work on Short Notice That Keep You out of Trouble The price comparison tools on this website require you to disable Adblock for full functionality. Please consider disabling your ad blocker on our website in order to best take advantage of our tools. Okay HomeBest VoIP Providers What is VoIP? Reviews VoIP News Frequently Asked VoIP Questions Business VoIPHosted PBX Providers PBX Phone Systems Call Center Software Enterprise VoIP Residential VoIP SIP Trunking Internet PhoneInternet Calling PC to Phone Calls WholesaleData/Internet Origination Softswitch Termination Wireless/MVNO Hosted PBX Providers Enterprise VoIP Call Center Software PBX Phone Systems UCaaS Providers Internet Calling Online Fax PC to Phone Calls Virtual Phone Numbers Cloud Video Conferencing What is Internet Phone? Internet Phone is another word for "VoIP" (Voice over Internet Protocol) or "Internet calling". Internet Phone is a great way for people to save money on their monthly phone bill. Wholesale VoIP Wholesale VoIP services provide effective service and low-cost margins to small and medium sized businesses that need a carrier solution.

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    Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to test: 5...4...3...2...1...

    “To answer your question, yes, I do see practices that accept texting, email and even chat messages through their websites from clients,” says Brenda Tassava, CVPM, CVJ, a veterinary business consultant.
    My voicemail prompts the caller to leave his or her name and number. My dad’s response on his most recent message:

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    5.) If you’re calling a home line, and know the family, it’s nice to say a group “Hello” before leaving a message specifically for the person you called. Say something like this: “Hi everyone, it’s Maralee. Hope you’re enjoying Spring Break! Janet, I wanted to see if you and I could meet for lunch one day next week. My schedule is pretty open, and we could pick a restaurant near your office. I know your lunch schedules are tight. I’ll give you a call back at 7:00 tonight. Or I’m around all afternoon, so give me a call!” (Boy, home lines are becoming rare, aren’t they? We gave ours up a couple of months ago.)

    Morgan Freeman is known for his voice so much that he was asked to play the voice and image of God in Bruce Almighty. Morgan’s voice has been immortalized in dozens upon dozens of voiceover projects. Allow him to greet your callers and prompt them to leave a message for you.
    Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

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    Now, here's where the embedded commands begin. I don't know if you've ever heard of Neurolinguistic Programming, NLP. I'm no Ninja at it, but I've learned a little bit about it through the years and if you can embed commands that aren't direct commands, not explicit, I'm commanding you to do this, but a subtle statement of a thing that embeds as a command to your subconscious mind, it can have an influencing effect on the other person.

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    Please leave one. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.A cute, thoughtful voicemail adds excitement to your boyfriend's day. Give him a reason to smile and think about you with a fun message he won't forget. From awful pickup lines to adorable puns, cheesy phrases make great messages for your guy. Take inspiration from popular memes and plays on words to create an original cheesy voicemail. Use a cute love quote to surprise your man with a sweet message or come up with your own creative idea.

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As probably know, a professional voicemail greeting can make or break leaving a great impression. However, it all starts with your voicemail script.

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Just wanted to let you know that I'm not here so leave a message! I'm not available right now, but please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

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You may think your voicemail message is professional. But when you listen back it could sound rushed or shaky. Listen to it regularly to see if changes are needed.

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Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done.

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