It starts off pretty normal until Jimmy witnesses said car accident while speaking:
Hi, this is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.
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Hi, you have reached …. Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now.
-…and I’ll return your call as soon as possible. I would have answered, but I was already on the phone with Bill Gates—I swear.
It is true, the people we want the most, we have to live without. Saying goodbye to you is such a crazy thing! Promise me this is not the end of everything. Thank you!
So take a look at some funny greetings that you can use as your funny cell phone voicemail ideas or home phone. My ass and I are out for a walk. Leave a message till then. Oh hi, how are you? It has been so long. How have you been?
If you’re busy and can’t get to the phone, make sure your answering machine or voice mail greets the guest with a professional message before the third ring (see the later section, “Relying on answering machines or voice-mail systems” for details). from Running a Bed and Breakfast For Dummies by Mary White Wiley, 2009
While your best friends might think it's funny, anyone else will see a message like this for what it is: unnecessarily rude. Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice: Hello, this is the executioner. Do you want your voicemail returned? Saying goodbye to a friend like you is like saying goodbye to my own soul — it is just not possible. Give him a reason to smile and think about you with a fun message he won't forget. And as the old adage reminds us, first impressions are everything.
Website: https://www.americanvoicemail.com/articles/10-must-haves-of-professional-voicemail-for-real-estate/
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"Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we'll assimilate you as soon as we can."
If the problem persists, please report this issue to YouMail Support Team. Greeting Copied To Your Account. It will now appear inside your YouMail account under your [Greetings] tab. You can set this as your default greeting, or pick specific Contacts to hear it. Go To My Account Now.
Website: https://www.marketingmessages.com/media/Sample-Voice-Prompts-For-Healthcare.pdf
If you are dying… well that is not our problem and we cannot do anything about it. If you want to sell us something… this number is no longer valid. Thank you for calling Starstripe Mental Hospital, and have a nice day. You have reached the voice mail box of your name. I want to hear what you have to say. You want to know why?
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1. The Welcome Greeting. This is the first greeting callers hear when they call your company. Sample Scripts: “Thank you for calling [company name].” “Thank you for calling [company name].
6. Pre-Recorded Message Playback. The Perfect Single Businessperson Solution. One Mailbox That Can Transfer Your Callers To Any Phone Of Yours, As Well As Voicemail And Fax To Email.