19. Hi, you’ve reached [employee name]’s voicemail box. [Employee first name] no longer works for [company name]. Please call our main line at [phone number] and we’ll be happy to connect you with a current team member who can help.
You have entered into a glorious pool of sound. You are traveling through time with a weightless companion known as music, and as Liquid Parallax as your tour guide, prepare to be exhilarated. Amusing / Fun-Sites / Humor Funny Answering Machine Voice Messages by Joey on Dec 9, 2007 • 3:27 pm 3 Comments

Hi. I am probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.
Not sure if this is real or not (and either is snopes, see below). But, it sure is funny. Happy Monday! EDIT: Try this link. This is where I got it from, I didn't try the one below and it apparently doesn't work: Claim: Voicemail message describes a confrontation between a male motorist and four women after a minor traffic accident.

Don't mess with Bible-totin' old ladies.. Read this little explanation and then listen to the voicemail. You just have to laugh with the guy. On a recent Spurs trip, we were asking one of our sponsors who works at Jack in the Box for some funny stories or experiences with the company. The funniest story he had was when an operations manager was late for a meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late. As he was leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to provide "play by play" of the incident. After telling us the story, he promised to send us a copy of the voice mail and here it is. This is the actual voice mail message. It was passed along and forwarded so many times within Jack in the Box; it crashed their voice mail server. Origins: In one memorable episode of the 1970s television sitcom All in the Family, Archie Bunker is involved in a minor traffic accident and, eager to cash in on the incident, rushes out and engages a Jewish lawyer to sue the other party. However, after conferring with the defendant's attorney, Archie's lawyer advises him that he has http://www.snopes.com/autos/graphics/fight.gif no case, as the other side's witnesses are too strong. There's an old legal precept, he informs Archie: "You can't beat a station wagon full of nuns." Perhaps Archie Bunker couldn't beat a station wagon full of nuns, but according to a circulating audio clip, an Impala full of Bible-toting middle-aged women could beat (literally!) the motorist who ran into them. We present the recording for your listening enjoyment through [url="http://www.snopes.com/autos/audio/jackbox.mp3"]this (http://home.swbell.net/kf5tv/voicemail.mp3) link. The file size of the clip is over 4MB, so please be patient while it downloads. As to the questions of whether the account given above is an accurate explanation of the origins of this audio clip, and whether the traffic incident described actually took place, we have to leave them as "Undetermined" for now. A inquiry posed to the corporate offices of Jack in the Box restaurants produced the following response: Thank you for your inquiry. The message that has been in circulation is an actual voice mail message. The incident occurred 5-6 years ago in Texas. I'm not sure how the recording got outside the company or if the employee still works for Jack in the Box, but the recording periodically re-surfaces on the radio and the internet. Even if this explanation is accurate (i.e., the clip originated as a message left on a Jack in the Box employee's voicemail), it doesn't preclude the possibility that the accident described never took place, and the recording was just a prank one employee pulled on a co-worker. Be Part Of Our Story! best voicemail ideas In this post, I’ll share what makes a good voicemail greeting — and the best voicemail greeting scripts you can use. funny voicemail message sample “You’ve reached Bernice’s phone. I’m getting a tooth pulled on Tuesday and don’t feel like talking. In fact, I’ll probably sleep for about four days after the procedure. Tooth resorption is not a joke, friends. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Let your human brush your damn teeth, even if it feels like you’re about to DIE by way of tiny toothbrush. Also, I’ll be accepting gifts of gravy in the days following the extraction.” ideas for business voicemail greetings The general voicemail greeting is used as the default voicemail greeting if you don't set any other greeting type. Occasionally, during events like power outages, even if you've set another greeting, your personalized programming might be wiped out. Or you might simply forget to change the greeting after returning from vacation. Contact Us We use cookies to personalize content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyze our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our social media, advertising and analytics partners. Search Get in touch Send Message Create an account. I agree to the license terms. Sign Up You already have an account? Login here. what's the best voicemail app for android Hey, who’s this? I’d actually pick up, but my phone is staring at me. OMG! I just saw it wink! If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handi- work, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone.Usually what I think is funny most of the timeis when my friends or family, after the beep, say "hello? Hey, how are you? Just wanted to let you know that I'm not here so leave a message! It gets everyone every freakin time because it makes it seem like you answered, but then they realize a few seconds later after they already started talking to you that you didn't. 1. If the reason I was calling you was to ask you what kind of music you like, this little interlude would be perfect. But let me assure you, the reason I was calling was NOT to ask you what kind of music you like. You may also email us at [email]. If you would like one of our team members to call you back, please leave your full name, contact info and number after the beep. Good to hear from you!” How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this...YOW!! “How do you leave an idiot in suspense? Leave a message, and I’ll get back to you… Bye!” ! how to end a voice message voicemail funny greetings what should my voice message say Close Project funny greetings for retirement Hi! You've reached Janet and Chris's room. We're not in right now. If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the party. Yeah, that's it. If this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not. Yeah, a party with the president. Yeah and the, the, the Pope. Yeah that's it. "Hi, this is Steve. There's nobody here, and even if there was we wouldn't answer the phone. And even if we did, we wouldn't say anything. Maybe you shouldn't have called." The moral of the story? Don’t trust old ladies! They’re armed and dangerous and should you see one please contact your local Garda Station. Español Here’s another funny one for those times you really want to lighten the business mood: Thanks to these answering machines, we can request our callers to leave their contact details with the machine, so that we can easily get back to them. How about adding a fun element to your answering machine messages and sharing a few laughs with your callers! Here is a list of some funny messages and greetings for answering machines. Hello funny voicemail greetings audio free best voicemail script for prospecting best voicemail funny Close Project funny greetings for friends “This is not a voice-mail; this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.” funny greetings for christmas cards Rates and Pricing About Us Download the Rate Price PDF Contact Us FREE Voicemail Greeting Scripts Free Voicemail Greeting Scripts Funny Voicemail Greetings Business Voicemail Greetings Mailbox Greetings On-Hold Messages Welcome Messages How do I create a custom voicemail greeting? How do I set a custom voicemail greeting on my Android phone? How do I set a custom voicemail greeting on my iPhone? What is a good business voicemail greeting? Blog Español The right voice custom voicemail narration will welcome your corporate and business customers with a professional sound, and on-hold messages are a pleasure to listen to, set to the right voice and music. Make your brand and image stand out on the phone. The right voice custom voicemail narration will welcome your corporate and business customers with a professional sound, and on-hold messages are a pleasure to listen to, set to the right voice and music. I specialize in Recording Creative voicemail greetings, Business Voicemail trees, Messages On-Hold, Greetings with music. I offer a full Voicemail Narration service. Website: https://www.americanvoicemail.com/articles/10-must-haves-of-professional-voicemail-for-real-estate/ 10 Voicemail Greeting Scripts. Now that you know the principles of our voicemail greeting philosophy, it is time to take a closer look at some standard and best-practice examples you can use for your business. Not all of these example scripts serve the same purpose. Funny Answering Machine & Voicemail Messages In 1935, Willy Müller invented the world's first automatic answering machine. It was a three-foot-tall machine popular with Orthodox Jews who were forbidden to answer the phone on the Sabbath. Hi. This is David. I’ve shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I’m going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up I’ll play my messages. Please leave one. funny voicemail phone numbers funny professional voicemail greetings short professional voicemail greetings examples Close Project how to call someone else's voicemail A funny voicemail greeting is one of those things that seems like a good idea...until you hear it time and time again. For business and professional life, funny voicemail greetings just doesn't make sense. If you're expecting an important call, or trying to impress someone you certainly won't... 5 Steps to Creating an Audio eGreeting Card December 06, 2011 Juli Durante marketing, tips, greetings A formal voicemail greeting is one with a professional tone. It could be for a business or for personal reasons. Formal voicemail greetings are designed to impart a sense of authenticity. They leave the caller with a sense of trust in your abilities, whatever they may be. Category: Phone Number, Mobile Phone, Home Phone, Computer, Mail Service Show more Please enable Strictly Necessary Cookies first so that we can save your preferences! Browse All Designs New Tees on Sale Featured Designers Newest Designers You have Javascript disabled. Javascript is required for this site to function properly. Please enable Javascript and return here. T-Shirts Tank Tops Hoodies Crewneck Sweatshirts Long Sleeve T-Shirts Baseball T-Shirts But to make them work, you need a business phone system that makes recording, tweaking, and uploading voicemail greetings simple. MightyCall provides such an answer for businesses. With simple, visually-based call flows, adapting your voicemail messages for different seasons, customers, and even different times of day demands no tech knowledge 3. Stammer-Filled Voicemail Greeting from Jimmy Stewart. Jimmy Stewart, born James Maitland Stewart, has a voice that is unmistakable and 100% unique to him. funny missed call greetings funny fifa voice message what to say for your personal voicemail greeting Close Project personal voicemail greeting template Last night, as I was getting ready to cook dinner, I received a mysterious phone call from a number I didn't recognize and I naturally let it go to voicemail. Surprisingly the mystery caller did leave a voice message and several minutes later I got this text. To eliminate all possibilities I proceeded to listen to the voicemail and ensure it was indeed someone important to me. It was both of my parents(they like to put me on speakerphone so they can talk to me simultaneously) informing me of my Dad's new cellular device. Now, towards the end, I want to be sure and set the expectation that I'm probably not going to be in a position to pay you full market value for your property and I explained why. However, I can pay a fair price based on the condition and the situation you have at hand. If you’re ready to go the professional direction, congratulations! Here are some websites you can use to hire a service to record your greeting. This page is dedicated to the best of what the net has to offer in terms of funny and witty voicemail messages! Impersonations and much more... voicemail messages that are certainly not professional, but entertaining and fun! Enjoy! My 12 y/o niece put on her cell phone message, "Leave your name and number. If I love you, I'll call you back." Although not earth-shatteringly funny, it was cute the way she said it. In college my roomate was a cop, he told me that the worst things you can say on an answering machine were 1) telling them your name, 2) telling the caller your number, 3) and that you aren't at home. Well, here's what I did... Thats probably good advice for a home phone, but at the same time, I don't think it applies to a cell phone really. I used to have a longer message aimed at keeping people from leaving messages ... but I hate getting voicemails for the most part. One summer I had my little cousin start singing take me out to the ball game, I cut him off after a few lines, but it was just my version of satire against parents who have their kids sing, and it was pretty funny. HI, you’ve reached (name). I’m so sorry I can’t pick up the call right now because I am standing right behind you. GOTCHA. free business voicemail greetings download what to say on a personal voicemail greeting how do you greet someone in a call center Close Project creative business voicemail greetings The Etiquette School of America Meet Maralee Contact and Media 200-plus Resources Become a Certified Etiquette Consultant Business Etiquette Seminars Etiquette Book for Parents Private Consultations Archives September 2021 (1) February 2020 (1) April 2018 (1) December 2017 (1) January 2017 (3) December 2016 (1) September 2016 (3) August 2016 (1) July 2016 (1) May 2016 (1) April 2016 (4) February 2016 (4) October 2015 (1) March 2015 (1) February 2015 (1) December 2013 (1) September 2013 (1) January 2013 (1) November 2012 (2) October 2012 (6) September 2012 (2) August 2012 (6) July 2012 (6) June 2012 (9) May 2012 (2) April 2012 (7) March 2012 (5) Business Plans Customer Service Digital Marketing Get Money Messages & Wishes Human Resource Marketing and sales Office Setup Recording voicemail greetings for your business or personal life requires a separate list of priorities, because they are being used for two distinct purposes and will be heard by two very different types of callers. I have a friend with two cell phones - one for work, and one for personal calls - and if you call both lines, you would never know it's the same person. No34: Tim's dead! And God only knows where Lisa is! Fortunately resurrections and divine revelations do tend to occur from time to time, so leave a message and we'll let you know when the next miracle occurs. I don't actually have an answering machine or voicemail or whatever, but I would have had this one: Hallo? personal voicemail greeting examples funny voicemail greetings mp3 how to set up a personal voicemail greeting Close Project X