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Origins: In one memorable episode of the 1970s television sitcom All in the Family, Archie Bunker is involved in a minor traffic accident and, eager to cash in on the incident, rushes out and engages a Jewish lawyer to sue the other party. However, after conferring with the defendant’s attorney, Archie’s lawyer advises him that he has no case, as the other side’s witnesses are too strong. There’s an old legal precept, he informs Archie: “You can’t beat a station wagon full of nuns.”

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Hi! I can't answer the phone right now. Bob, that's my pet parakeet, just swallowed a cherry bomb. It wasn't lit, but I've got to get him to the bathroom. Uh-oh! (Sound of a paper bag exploding.)
"Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished." .

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5. "Hello, [Person's name] is chasing new adventures and is no longer with [Company name]. Please forward all future requests to [New or interim person's name] at [phone number].
Always keep in mind the people who will be listening to your professional voicemail greetings. What type of tone and information resonates with them?

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The description reproduced above sets up the following scenario: While an operations manager employed by a restaurant (variously claimed to be Jack in the Box, McDonald’s, Burger King, or some other fast food chain) is commuting to the

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Hello, this is Rip van Winkle. I'm not awake to take your call right now. Please leave your message at the sound of the snore.

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"Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we'll assimilate you as soon as we can."

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    No39: (Star Trek theme in the background:) (Voice 1:) Room 17, the final frontier. (Voice 2:) These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. (Voice 3:) To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.

    Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of Portland, Oregon. We can't take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works in progress.
    Hi. I am probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

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    Funny Voicemail Greetings. Are you bored of listening, as well as recording standard voice-mail messages in your answering machine? If so, scroll for some really funny voice-mail greetings, which will surely bring a smile on your, as well as your caller's face.

    – Sorry, I can’t be everywhere, and sitting by the phone ready to take your call, just isn’t going to happen. The best thing to do is to leave your message and not be offended that I wasn’t able to speak with you. Thanks.
    Ha..Ha..Ha.. I like this so much because it is funny. Here use this infographic services I am sure you will like this.

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    10. Uncovering Competitor Info. When it comes to sales voicemail scripts, even the smallest details of a message significantly impact the response rates.

    Cats don’t enjoy following anyone’s rules. They want everything on their own terms — total rebels. If they had their own phones and could speak like humans (stay with me), they’d definitely screen their calls, because they want to be the ones to decide when they chat with others. And no one would tell them what to say in their voicemail greetings, either. Guidelines are for suckers.
    Because they now know you as the contractor with the funny voicemail greeting, you already have a deeper connection with the lead than your competitors. It provides a very nice leeway into the conversation.

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    Aside from the fact that we can't substantiate a bit of this, of course, the one thing that seems fishy to me is that he's able to not only pick out that she hit him with a Bible (which, depending on his vantage point, I guess he could see - or at least think he sees), but he's able to say which version of the Bible it is. That's awfully odd to me.

    7. Could you suggest some voicemail greetings, I’m all out. It would be better if you left it to me as a message after the beep.
    And I think if you just want to add like let's say you want three numbers instead of four, because that's the next pricing point is four numbers instead of two. You can add a number at any of these levels for just $4 a month. So if regardless of which level of Vumber you have and you just want an extra number over and above what your account allows for bucks gets you a free number or get you a $4 number, all right, back to the script. So that's the way Vumber works. You can press pound and it skips the rest of the message and goes right to the beep.

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January 19, Our users have volunteered their best greetings that are guaranteed to bring a chuckle to your callers: No one answers phone calls anymore; send me a text.

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If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional. This is David. Please leave one.We had a contest to find the most hilarious voicemail messages to make us laugh and thought you might want to try a couple out yourself.

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Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. ...Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. ...Hi. ...Hello! ...A is for academics, B is for beer. ...Hi. ...Hi! ...This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. ...Hello, you are talking to a machine. ...

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