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You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly. What's the funniest/coolest/cleverest/favorite Answering Machine/Voicemail/Answerphone Messages you've heard, or even done yourself? In college my roomate was a cop, he told me that the worst things you can say on an answering machine were 1) telling them your name, 2) telling the caller your number, 3) and that you aren't at home. Well, here's what I did...

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Smith suggests the following sample messages for other typical voice mail messages a veterinarian or veterinary practice team member might need to leave. If you’re calling to see how a pet is doing after a recent medical encounter/treatment: Voice mail – “Ms. Smith, this is Dr. Vet just checking in on Fluffy. If you have any questions, please contact our office at 212.555.1234.” Email – “Ms. Smith, this is Dr. Vet just checking in on Fluffy. If you have any questions, please contact our office at 212.555.1234.” If you’re calling with a pet’s medical results or treatment decisions: Good news voice mail – “Ms. Smith, this is Dr. Vet, and you will be glad to hear all of Fluffy’s testing came back fine. She is good to go until her next appointment.” Bad news voice mail – “Ms. Smith, this is Dr. Vet, and we have the results of Fluffy’s tests. Please call our office at 212.555.1234 so that we can discuss these results.” Tips for connecting with clients
Thank you! Stick a good morning note on the mirror to surprise him in the morning; leave cute notes in his bag or other random places. Do you want your voicemail returned? Don't become a sales voicemail leaving zombie.Recent trends in voicemail have leaned towards the desire for many individuals to relate on other forms of digital message than traditional voice mails. .

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By the way, pro tip: I use Vumber, Vumeber.com for this service. And as you can see from the pricing is very reasonable. $10 a month gets you to local phone numbers in your area and you can use up to 500 minutes on those two numbers, three cents for each additional minute.
Hello, and welcome to Answering Machines of the Rich and Famous! Please leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message in a voice similar to mine, and your call will be returned as soon as humanly possible. This is Chris. This is his refrigerator. Hi, you have reached …. Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call.

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Rehearse or write down your message before recording it. Remember that old saying “practice makes perfect?” It’s certainly true when it comes to creating an electronic greeting. The more you’ve rehearsed, the easier the message will be to restate. If you don’t have time to practice, writing down the greeting before recording it – and then reading it aloud from the paper – may help you stay focused on the correct wording.
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It makes sense to have an after-hours / weekend voicemail greeting for important teams at your business so that your clients feel confident that they will be taken care of. You may also suggest alternate resources like a help forum, knowledge base, or online chat to support customers while closed, if available.

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Seconds later say “HAHA, that was a fake beep created by my mouth. I fooled you good!” A is for A, B is for Beer, C is for C, D is for Drunk. Call me back in 48 hours when I’m R for Recovered! A is for apple, B is for beer and that may be why I’m not here. Leave a message. Alright listen, I’m on one line with my girlfriend and her best friend on the other. Leave a message and if you promise to not tell either of them that I’m a player, I’ll call you back. Back in MY DAY we didn’t use answering machines. We used jumbo sized devices to take messages for us. Those we called “Answering Machines” and I just realized.. I sound like an idiot! Bob is currently in the shower. He’s there an hour per day. I wonder what the heck he does in that time. Oh well, probably plays with himself. Help me.. HELP ME!! My wife wants me in bed. PLEASE CALL 911!!!! HURRY!!! AHHHHH!!! Hi this is Bob’s answering machine and I will need a few things from you. #1 is your full name including middle name. #2 is your address including postal code. #3 is your credit card number with the 3 digit security code on the back. There’s a porn site I want to join and I don’t want to use my moms information. Hi you have reached Bob and I’m not interested in having my grass cut, buying new windows or installing new doors. Hi you’ve reached Bob. If you want to leave a message press 1. If you want to leave a message about how sexy I am, press 2. If you have the wrong number, press 9. As you already can tell, the number pressing doesn’t do anything. I did all this just to feel.. cool.. Hi, I am Bob’s answering machine and he’s pissing me off. Everyday he changes his messages and I’m sick of all the button pressing he does. If you come over, can you please take me? I need a new owner who doesn’t push buttons! Hi, I understand how annoying long messages can be. Why do people always waste so much time talking about crap? Well I’m with you on this one. I can’t stand people who leave long messages talking about nothing useful. Why can’t they just get to the point? All they have to say is “Hey I’m not here cause I’m doing important stuff. Leave a message!” Anyways I kept this message short. Leave one after the beep. Hi, I’m in the process of getting married. Why can’t the priest operate as quick as a microwave? Less than 5 minutes or your money back! Hi, I’m not interested in answering your call right now but my voicemail is. Leave one! Hi, if you’re a telemarketer give me your number and I’ll call you back. What, you don’t want me to call you back? Now you know how I feel! Hi, my name is the answering machine and I record messages in your very own authentic voice. Would you like to increase the size of your penis? I sell those too! Hi, this is Bob’s voicemail and he’s on vacation. He’s in the Caribbean partying with all the tourists. If you like you can rob his place and I won’t say a word! Hi, you’ve reached the pizza delivery guy and I’m trying to make a delivery but am stuck waiting for the train to go by for the 10th time. This customer gets me every time! I had the phone ringing in my hand but was too lazy to answer it. Leave a message. If you are a male, keep your voice and say you are a female. Hi, this is Bob’s girlfriend. I drove him in debt and took his phone. Leave a message and if you sound rich & sexy, you’ll hear back! If you’re calling for Bob, press 1. If you are calling for Greg, press 2. Hey I have some news for you, there’s no Greg at this number. HAHA I lied to you! You got fooled pretty good! I’m pretty drunk & unstable. I think my hands are vibrating. How am I going to hold my next drink without spilling it?? PLEASE TELL ME!! I’m probably too lazy to answer. Leave a message and I’ll call back. If you don’t hear from me, then it’s cause I don’t like you! Keep your original voice Hi, I’m Katie and.. Who did I say I was? Oh man, I gotta keep off the Viagra! Make sound effects with your mouth. Yo Yo Yo.. This is Bob who’s here to make the save. You want to talk to me but I will be charging a fee. Leave a message so I can make enough for a massage! Oh no.. You’re calling.. Someone.. please pull my plug!!! Hello.. anyone there?? NOOOOOO… Oh wicked, I finally got an answering machine. YAY! Now how do you work this thing? Let’s see.. To record message, press the REC button. Alright, where the heck is the REC button? Someone else says out loud Bob you moron, it’s right here and you already pressed it! Then you say Ahh crap! Sorry I don’t answer the phone or check my messages but if you are calling to donate me money, leave a message and I’ll call you back within seconds. Sorry I missed your call. I’m probably running away from the wife. She’s in one of those moods.. AGAIN! This is Bob and I just picked up the best answering machine in the world. The recordings are in high quality. Leave a message now so I can listen to it in 5.1 surround sound! Yo, this is Bob coming to you from the rave, never knowing when to behave. I can rhyme within time and you should leave one before I win a ton! If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone. Funny Joker : I love funny jokes which is probably why I own this very funny jokes website :-) The jokes here are NOT work friendly, you've been warned. 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    A relatively unprofessional one — like mine, for instance — does the opposite: It encourages prospects, recruiters, and potential connections to run in the other direction.

    Your voicemail greeting is the first introduction to your office — what kind of impression do you want to leave?
    10. 1-888-447-5594: Epic speech. This last entry on the prank call numbers list is one that is slightly out of the box. These digits are an Easter Egg line for the ending of the video game God of War.

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    2. Straight To The Point Voicemail Greetings. (Insert name) is either away from their desk or on another call. Leave your name, number, and a brief message and (insert name) will return your call within (insert timeframe.)

    I call bullshit. Why does he start describing what the guy is wearing when he gets out of the car?
    3. Using Prerecorded Messages. Leave Me A Message And Wait By Your Phone Till I Can Call You Back. Hi There! Your Name Is Not Here At The Moment. How Can Someone Keep A Dork In Suspense?

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    Funny Answering Machine & Voicemail Messages In 1935, Willy Müller invented the world’s first automatic answering machine. It was a three-foot-tall machine popular with Orthodox Jews who were forbidden to answer the phone on the Sabbath. Hi, This is _____’s Cell Phone Message Audition . If you would like to enter your message in our

    It was funny the first time it got you, and then it was not funny the next 8,306 times.
    funny voicemail greetings audio is free HD wallpaper was upload by Admin. Download this image for free in HD resolution the choice "download button" below. If you do not find the exact resolution you are looking for, then go for a native or higher resolution.

  • best voicemail scripts for business

    04You have reached the offices of [your company/business]. Our representatives are all currently engaged. If you leave us a message with your name and number, we will get back to you in the earliest possible time. Thank you for calling and have a good day. Lines can often get busy for companies that have several representatives. This reassures clients that someone will get back to them once they are free.

    If you are dying… well that is not our problem and we cannot do anything about it. If you want to sell us something… this number is no longer valid. Thank you for calling Starstripe Mental Hospital, and have a nice day. You have reached the voice mail box of your name. I want to hear what you have to say.
    I really liked your script. I am looking for ideas for our ringless voicemail script and this was a great inspiration.

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Home » Lists » 21 Funny Answering Machine (Voicemail) Messages21 Funny Answering Machine (Voicemail) Messages

how to greet someone in a conference call

I call bullshit. Why does he start describing what the guy is wearing when he gets out of the car?

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Can’t take your call, I'm hiding from the men in white coats. We've been playing hide'n'seek for weeks, and they still haven't found me! Tee Hee Hee! Leave a message?

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