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First, I'd like to pay all your closing costs. When you sell your property. To me, this will save you thousands of dollars because normally when you sell your home, I'm just trying to speak to their subconscious mind, sell your property, sell your home, sell your house to me, sell your house to me. It's not overt to them, but I'm being intentional about not just saying that, but subtly emphasizing those embedded commands.

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Dear Caller: As I'm leaving you this message, the sun is shining for a change. Little children are cavorting in the park, and their tasty mothers and teenage sisters are sunbathing practically nude. So, did you really think I was going to stick around this dump?
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The following selection has been shared by others around the global and intended to inspire you to create your own unique humorous voicemail. A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century.
Another way to make up funny voicemail messages is to act like a device has come alive. For instance, you could say,"Hello, I'm Bob's hair dryer, and I've taken over because I'm way more interesting. If you'd like to leave a message for him and have your hair dried at the same time, just hold up the phone." Answering like an answering machine, a microwave, or refrigerator and using the functions of that device in the answer are easy ways to create a fun voicemail.

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Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
“Hi, you’ve reached [XYZ Company]. We can’t take your call right now but feel free to call back during business hours from [hour] to [hour], Monday through Friday. In case of an urgent query, you can contact us through our website [URL] and access our live chat.

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I know you're out there. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don’t know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end, I came here to tell you how it’s going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don’t want them to see. I'm going to show them a world, without you. A world without rules and controls. Without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there, is a choice I leave to you.

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So take a look at some funny greetings that you can use as your funny cell phone voicemail ideas (or home phone). HI, you’ve reached (name). I’m so sorry I can’t pick up the call right now because I am standing right behind you. GOTCHA. My ass and I are out for a walk. So as soon as I can get my ass back in the house, I’ll give you a call. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z About US

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    Hello, (your name) summer home. Some are home, some aren’t. Leave your message at the tone.

    No one should be calling during the holidays, and yet some people do. When you’re out for the holidays, create a voicemail greeting that communicates the cheerfulness of the season while still staying professional.
    Company-level calls are usually directed to your general business number. There are occasions when everyone in the office is tied up and unable to pick up calls. It’s important to gather information about the reason for the call so that the right person or team can call them back. These greetings ensure that customers do not feel neglected while also providing assurance that their call will be attended to as soon as possible.

  • free funny voicemail greetings download

    39 Humorous and Witty Voicemail Greetings. Oct 28, 2015. Jan 7, 2014 by Brandon Gaille. Recent trends in voicemail have leaned towards the desire for many individuals to relate on other forms of digital message than traditional voice mails. More individuals have not set up their voice message nor return calls in a decent amount of time.

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    Not sure if this is real or not (and either is snopes, see below). But, it sure is funny. Happy Monday! EDIT: Try this link. This is where I got it from, I didn't try the one below and it apparently doesn't work: Claim: Voicemail message describes a confrontation between a male motorist and four women after a minor traffic accident.

    Don't mess with Bible-totin' old ladies.. Read this little explanation and then listen to the voicemail. You just have to laugh with the guy. On a recent Spurs trip, we were asking one of our sponsors who works at Jack in the Box for some funny stories or experiences with the company. The funniest story he had was when an operations manager was late for a meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late. As he was leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to provide "play by play" of the incident. After telling us the story, he promised to send us a copy of the voice mail and here it is. This is the actual voice mail message. It was passed along and forwarded so many times within Jack in the Box; it crashed their voice mail server. Origins: In one memorable episode of the 1970s television sitcom All in the Family, Archie Bunker is involved in a minor traffic accident and, eager to cash in on the incident, rushes out and engages a Jewish lawyer to sue the other party. However, after conferring with the defendant's attorney, Archie's lawyer advises him that he has http://www.snopes.com/autos/graphics/fight.gif no case, as the other side's witnesses are too strong. There's an old legal precept, he informs Archie: "You can't beat a station wagon full of nuns." Perhaps Archie Bunker couldn't beat a station wagon full of nuns, but according to a circulating audio clip, an Impala full of Bible-toting middle-aged women could beat (literally!) the motorist who ran into them. We present the recording for your listening enjoyment through [url="http://www.snopes.com/autos/audio/jackbox.mp3"]this (http://home.swbell.net/kf5tv/voicemail.mp3) link. The file size of the clip is over 4MB, so please be patient while it downloads. As to the questions of whether the account given above is an accurate explanation of the origins of this audio clip, and whether the traffic incident described actually took place, we have to leave them as "Undetermined" for now. A inquiry posed to the corporate offices of Jack in the Box restaurants produced the following response: Thank you for your inquiry. The message that has been in circulation is an actual voice mail message. The incident occurred 5-6 years ago in Texas. I'm not sure how the recording got outside the company or if the employee still works for Jack in the Box, but the recording periodically re-surfaces on the radio and the internet. Even if this explanation is accurate (i.e., the clip originated as a message left on a Jack in the Box employee's voicemail), it doesn't preclude the possibility that the accident described never took place, and the recording was just a prank one employee pulled on a co-worker.

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    A Courteous Communications can recommend these 10 recordings for personal use only. Your business callers may not appreciate these voicemail recordings, but your friends and family will surely get a kick out of them.

    By the way, pro tip: I use Vumber, Vumeber.com for this service. And as you can see from the pricing is very reasonable. $10 a month gets you to local phone numbers in your area and you can use up to 500 minutes on those two numbers, three cents for each additional minute.
    What's better than one of these not-so-funny voicemail messages? A voicemail greeting that's well written and professionally recorded. The most important thing to remember when writing a new voicemail is don't waste the caller's time. A concise, informative voicemail may seem "square," but its better than irritating and alienating potential business opportunity. Tags: resources, tips, greetings Recent Blogs Taking Your Presentations To The Next Level With Audio and Voice April 01, 2019 Tools to Support Message on Hold Production October 12, 2018 tips (186) resources (163) message on hold (154) marketing (118) customer experience (101) Home Forums > COLOSSEUM > Humor & Jokes >

  • funny voicemail transcriptions

    -So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, leave a message, and I’ll get back to thee.

    Download and install Slydial onto your phone.Sign up for an account and log into the app.Dial 267-SLYDIAL to connect to the service.Enter the cell number you are trying to reach when prompted.Leave your message.See More....What is a good professional voicemail greeting?
    And my cousin, she's a real girly-girl and you can actually tell from her voice and all she says in her voicemail greeting is:

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    A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future.

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    "Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we'll assimilate you as soon as we can."

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    2. Straight To The Point Voicemail Greetings. (Insert name) is either away from their desk or on another call. Leave your name, number, and a brief message and (insert name) will return your call within (insert timeframe.)

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