My voicemail prompts the caller to leave his or her name and number. My dad’s response on his most recent message:
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Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.
Like, right before you recorded this greeting you realized how dumb it would be to leave instructions. But you still wanted me to know how dumb it would be for you to leave instructions, so you wasted 20 seconds of my time telling me that you already knew I would know how to do it.
I love it! Every time I hear something like this and realize that there really are terrible sales people out there – doing stuff like this – it gives me huge encouragement. I’m sure I make mistakes, who doesn’t, but wow!!!
Hi, I am a machine. Why do you hate talking to me? I never hurt anyone. Can we talk after the beep?
Wanna hear a joke? Knock, knock! Hello, and thank you for calling the Starstripe Mental Hospital. If you need to reach a patient, please press 1 and then say their name. If you are delusional, please have either you or your monkey press 2and we will connect you to Mothership.
I made this "grouchy voicemail" for whoever is tired of the boring old voicemail your phone service provides. I will have more funny voicemail greetings on
We actually know a top insurance sales guy who did a sales motivational message every day just like this, and people used to call just to listen to his thoughts.
1. 911, what’s your emergency? Imagine you saying this when a call comes in. Just don’t let the other person say anything and barge in. It will make the other person laugh out loud.
2. Interactive Voice Response (IVR) Greeting. The greeting callers hear when they enter your IVR. Sample Scripts: “For English press 1. Para Español presione el número 2.”
30. Hello, you’ve reached [your name]. I’m currently out of the office and will return on [X date]. If your call requires urgent attention, please call [Name] at [phone number] and they’ll be happy to assist you. If not, leave a message and I’ll return your call when I get back.
Comrades! Southwestern Front Headquarters is pleased to learn that your unit has re-established communications. The entire staff is currently busy discussing forthcoming operations with other units, but if you leave your unit name and how we may reach you, Chief of Staff Sterrett will contact you as soon as possible to discuss your concerns.
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We know that the only way to live a blessed and happy life is to live out the Golden Rule. And we know that manners (from the Latin word for hand…how to handle something) give us mutually agreed upon best practices for putting the Golden Rule into practice in our everyday encounters. They also help us know what to expect from one another and set gracious boundaries.
This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.