Funny Answering Machine & Voicemail Messages. Semper Fi. Leave your order after the beep. You know what I hate about voicemail messages? They go on and on and on, wasting your time. No more. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me! I promise.
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Voicemail: [You can listen to the above video to hear my actual voicemail, and you can also snag the scrip verbatim by simply leaving us a comment below, tell us how you feel about it. š ]
Businesses should have two main types of greetings to create an excellent call experience. The first one is what we call a āwelcome greetingā ā this greeting welcomes callers to your business. Typically, a welcome greeting will present a menu of call options like hours, location, or customer service. For more details on how to create a welcome greeting for your general business number, read this article.
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Expect to spend $100-$400 for a voiceover session. (For a lower price point, look at Fiverr, but if you have more room in your budget, check out a voice acting agency.) The average professional studio session from start to finish will take approximately two hours, depending on how many scripts you have to record and how prepared you are.
If you are hearing this tape, then I'm not here now. Please leave your name, number, D.O.B, address, social security number, age, height, weight, how many children you have, what sex you are, your motherās maiden name, and the date and time when you called me. If you are still listening, then whatever you have to say must be very important. Please leave a message after the beep. advice (8) animals (1) cars (1) chain (1) cool (14) cute (13) food (7) funny (219) game (1) gender (1) gross (9) health (6) history (3) hollywood (2) interesting (45) jokes (68) nature (4) office (2) picture (14) sappy (8) science (6) stories (2) stupid (21) travel (7) video (22) warning (7) women (2) Archive April (3) November (4) November (3) March (1) February (1) January (2) December (6) November (2) October (2) September (3) June (2) March (1) January (1) August (5) June (2) May (19) April (6) March (5) February (10) January (11) December (15) November (14) October (17) September (18) August (21) July (30) June (29) May (23) April (31) March (4)
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Alright, so that's it. I'm done walking through the nuances of the script. I hopefully highlighted some of them that I think were tricky to discover and are important and subtle, but help accomplish a connection and a friendly vibe and at least a baseline. I'm just an average local guy, not some big fancy business. Uh, and uh, more likable, trustable posture.
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Hello, this is (name). I am sorry I canāt come to the phone right now. Leave your name, number, and a short message after the beep. Oh and please do wait by the phone till I call you back. Bye.
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Guest posting is the marketing tactic of writing and publishing an original article, or any other relevant original content, on someone else's blog. . . .
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No1:Ā Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
I guess Iām a little like a cat in that way. Iām a call screener. If youāre my friend and youāre reading this, please understand I donāt screen your calls. Just everyone elseās.
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Avoid These 3 Voicemail Mishaps When Job SearchingAvoid these scenarios with your voicemail during your job search.
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Your clients donāt have a lot of time, and neither do you. Use the following short voicemail greetings to get to the point quickly and invite them to leave a message.
7. "Hello, this is [your name] at [company]. Thanks for calling. Please leave your name, number, and the reason you'd like to chat, and I'll get back to you ASAP.
The best text-to-speech voices don't sound robotic at all. Do a "text to speech" search in Google to explore your options. Type in your script and presto! You'll get an instant greeting with a natural sounding voice. You can select from a broad spectrum of male & female voices with any local or foreign accent you choose. LinkedPhone offers text-to-speech built right into our software. It's super popular and our users love it!
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Hey, whoās this? Iād actually pick up, but my phone is staring at me. OMG! I just saw it wink!
āHi there! Youāve reached [XYZ Company]. We are unable to take your call at the moment, but we want to hear what you have to say. Please leave your full name, contact details and reason for reaching out, and one of our staff members will get in touch with you within 24 hours. Thanks!ā
10. "Hello, you've reached [X company]. We can't take your call right now, but please leave your name, contact information, and reason for reaching out, and one of our team members will be in touch within 24 hours.
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Just kidding. Do you know of a funnier voice message? Leave it in the comments below! Author: Michael C Michael has over 30 years of executive call center and answering service experience. Post Comment Cancel reply Your email address will not be published.Need some ideas for funny voicemail greetings? Our users have volunteered their best greetings that are guaranteed to bring a chuckle to your callers:. Our previous post on funny voicemail greetings got so much attention, we thought we'd continueā¦.
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Hello, this is Johnās answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks.
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Manners Mentor exists to spread the word and to update continually the manners weāre using so that they make sense for our modern sensibilities. Theyāre never stuffy. Theyāre always simple, savvy, and sincere so that you can be authentically youā¦at your best! Join the Manners Mentor Movement by subscribing to receive posts in your inbox so that youāll always be in the loop!
Hello! Youāve reached [Natasha on the Product Development Team at LinkedPhone]. Iām not available at the moment but your call is important to me. Please leave your name, number, and the reason for your call and Iāll call you back as soon as possible. Thank you and have a great day!
Iād also say that it might be helpful for this sales agent to be using a script to leave a message. Most of the time when I listen to voice mail, I donāt have a lot of time. Messages that sound like the sales person is fumbling for words make it very frustrating for the message recipient.
#6 [automated robot] āThe number you have reached, 717-555-9406, is not available. Please leave a message at the beep.ā [/automated robot]
"Hi. You've reached my voicemail. Please leave your name, number, and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn't be done over text."
3. Using Prerecorded Messages. Leave Me A Message And Wait By Your Phone Till I Can Call You Back. Hi There! Your Name Is Not Here At The Moment. How Can Someone Keep A Dork In Suspense?
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Funny voicemail ideas could do that trick, wonāt they? Whether it is for your home, office, or cell phone, set a good voicemail that will keep your callers laughing even after theyāve left you a message. Ideas for a Voicemail. These voicemail ideas may not come so easily for some of you. And who says that finding inspiration is a bad thing.
We can't take your call right now, but please leave your name, contact information, and the reason for reaching out, and one of our team members will be in touch within 24 hours. Zedge have thousands of ringtones for your cell phone.
10. āYou are gonna be my new phone buddy.ā Many people tend to come in the list of your best pals. This might be a great way to take your friendship to a whole new level.
Thatās the simple structure of a voicemail greeting. Overall, your greeting should be professional, but the wording can vary depending on the situation. Check out a sample below.
Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you weren't ready, we gave it to Vanna White. Sorry.
Funny Voicemail Messages Thatāll Tickle Your Callersā Funny Bone. ā¢ Hi. This is John ā If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didnāt lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money.
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Two other parodies of telephone messages have been made from the telephone company by Ghtrout.
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The number you have xxx-xxxx (your number) has been changed, the new number is xxx-xxxx (again, your number). CULATA!
Bullwinkle: Must have been a wrong number. Rocky: Here's a chance for you to REALLY leave your message.
No39: (Star Trek theme in the background:) (Voice 1:) Room 17, the final frontier. (Voice 2:) These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. (Voice 3:) To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.
Jimmy pulled over while on his way to Dallas to give his friend Mark a call. Alas Mark didnāt answer so Jimmy decides to leave him a voicemail.
Hi. This is David. Iāve shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording Iām going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up Iāll play my messages. Please leave one.
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1. InstaVoice. InstaVoice is among the top visual voicemail app that seeks to give you access and manage your voicemails efficiently. The application provides its users with free voicemail, voice messages, and missed call notifications.
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. ...Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. ...Hi. ...Hello! ...A is for academics, B is for beer. ...Hi. ...Hi! ...This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. ...Hello, you are talking to a machine. ...
Please dial the number you are calling. You are calling the number you have dialed. Iām sorry, you have 40 cents. Please deposit more money.
Don't create any unnecessary complications by asking someone to call you back at the office when you're calling from your cell phone. Today I've decided to end our friendship, but I realized that you know all of my darkest secrets, so we will have to continue this relationship till the end of time.
So, haha funny story, my phone and I are playing hide and seekā¦. Hey before you leave that message, do you want to know something about me?
Donāt rush. Itās important toĀ speak slowly and clearly when leaving your next voicemail greeting. Have you ever called someone and the message sounds like one big word? Donāt be that guy. Pronounce your words and take pauses between your sentences
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āThis is Roxie. If youāre receiving this message, Iām probably in the linen closet, rolling on sheets and towels. Try my other phone. If you get my voicemail on that one, Iām probably in the linen closet, rolling on sheets and towels. Stop bothering me.ā
Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye.
āHello, youāve reached the Marketing Department at [XYZ Company]. All of our team members are currently working with other clients to [insert goal] and are unable to take your call.
āHi, youāve reached [your name] at [your company]. Iām unavailable right now ā probably helping [type of company] get [X results, e.g. ādouble their leads in 60 days,ā āhire the best and brightest engineers,ā āconvert 40% more customers.ā] Leave your name and number, and weāll discuss how your company can see similar results.ā āHello, this is [your name] at [company]. Thanks for calling. Please leave your name, number, and reason youād like to chat, and Iāll get to back to you ASAP.ā āHi, youāve reached [name] at [company]. If you need a quick response, please shoot me an email at [insert email address] and Iāll be in touch by EOD tomorrow. If itās not urgent, leave me a message with your name and number. Have a great day.ā āHey, this is [your name]. If youāre calling for [X reason], please [contact so-and-so] or [go to our website, send me an email]. For all other inquiries, leave your name and a brief message and Iāll call you back within [one, two, three] business day[s].ā āHello, youāve reached [name] at company. Iām unable to come to the phone right now. Leave your name and number, and Iāll return your call as soon as Iām free. Thank you.ā
Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.
"Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it." Lord_all_Mighty, May 22, 2003 Joined: Oct 20, 2002 Messages: 1,506 Location: Too close to Victoria You have reached the home of Tarzan. Sorry i can't answer the phone right now, please leave a message after the AAAHHHHHHAAHHHHHHAAHHHHHHHH Bose, May 23, 2003 Joined: May 16, 2003 Messages: 352 Location: Poland, Warsaw -Robert, answer the phone! Oops, I am Robert! But I'm away now. See? You have to record a message... -You have just reached Browns. We're arguing right now. Record a message: when we'll finish, the one that didn't move out to his/her mother will call you. -Hello, here's Iraq Army HQ. We are out because we want to conquer the USA. When Yankees will kick our butts again, we'll call you.
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This is funny! I canāt come to the phone right now because Iām down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty-dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone.
Thank you for calling [LinkedPhone]. Due to the current pandemic, our team members are working remotely and are available [Monday through Friday from 9am to 7pm Eastern Standard Time]. Please leave a message with your name, number, and how we can serve you. We will respond as promptly as possible. Thank you for your patience during this unprecedented time. Letās get through this together. Stay safe and well.
Already know who you are and why you've called, please hang up and after we will tell each other everything.
Website: https://www.macrynvoicegreetings.com/macryn-voicemail-greetings-sample-scripts/
The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. Noland Voyd. I do NOT want greeting messages. Update 2: cind, that is funny lol. I'll have to try it sometime.
Man I just had a wreck right in front of me. This guy ran a red light and hit four old ladies in an Impala.
