You have reached the , Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number and target or list of targets and we’ll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day.
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2. “DUDE! I told you to bury the arms and throw the body in the ocean” This will surely make the person on the other end go bonkers for a second. If you want to play a prank with them, then use this phrase.
Just when we think things can’t get any more brutal, Jimmy tells of how the main assailant – the Godmother if you will – begins to unleash her savage beating:
.
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There’s one old woman with a little black purse tomahawking him. She looks like a…jackhammer. We got another woman that’s hitting him like she’s got a cattle prod. She’s got an umbrella she’s sticking it in his side.
No1: Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
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9. OK, so I followed all the instructions that came with the machine. I pressed all the necessary buttons. So… now what? I… am… so… confused. Could you please… beep.
If you’re looking for funny voicemail messages to leave on your answering machine or cell phone, then here’s some of the best examples to try. We had a contest to find the most hilarious voicemail messages to make us laugh and thought you might want to try a couple out yourself.
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5. Hello. I’m home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.
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This is an answering machine. This is the nineties. You know what to do. 59. You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep. 60. This is a boring answering machine message. Leave a message anyway. [Use to keep people from calling at odd hours to hear your latest exciting message.] 61.
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Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
2. Hi, you’ve reached [your name]’s voicemail box. I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave your contact information I’ll get back to you within 24 hours.
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Johnpaul MosesIn the REI game since Y2K, JP's deal-making adventures run the gamut from rehabs to rentals to realtoring to wholesaling—from REOs to lease options to seller financing to raw land. Many 100's of deals later, his active real estate game is played remotely today (from home) in various U.S. markets, and intentionally with the smallest team possible. The aim is high margins with the least possible time & effort. Less, but better. ‹ Previous Property Scouts—Viable for Leads in ‘White Hot’ Markets? Next › Driving for Dollars App 2.0—Cool Stuff Coming :-)
So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.
Best Wishes CelebrationsBirthday Congratulations Holidays Get Well Love Sympathy Thank You
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More individuals have not set up their voice message nor return calls in a decent amount of time. However, some voice messages even steer individuals to contact by email for a quicker response. If you still enjoy the concept and position that a voicemail box serves, you may feel compelled to add a witty voicemail greeting to your caller. The following selection has been shared by others around the global and intended to inspire you to create your own unique humorous voicemail. A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century.
I know you're out there. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don’t know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end, I came here to tell you how it’s going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don’t want them to see. I'm going to show them a world, without you. A world without rules and controls. Without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there, is a choice I leave to you.
Would you like some help from us? Set up a cranky, funny voicemail, and share a moment of laughter with your dear ones, before they understand your intention behind it and run to get you! Whenever I call someone and their voicemail greeting is playing, it tells me a lot about who they are, as a person. What does your greeting have? Is it the automated one or have you personalized it to suit your personality?
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Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. ...Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. ...Hi. ...Hello! ...A is for academics, B is for beer. ...Hi. ...Hi! ...This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. ...Hello, you are talking to a machine. ...
4. Provide your voicemail system's password. You will be prompted to enter the passcode to your voicemail account, if you have set one (which, hopefully, you have).
One of Mr. I, I have only 10 seconds to explain to you how to leave a message on one of these machines.
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Who is this?! How did you get this number?! If you are a friend, trying to give us money or just want to talk, then leave a message or try my cell phone number. But you can tell me all of that in the message you leave me. So, haha funny story, my phone and I are playing hide and seek…. Hey before you leave that message, do you want to know something about me? I love jokes. You want to know something I hate? Wanna hear a joke? Knock, knock! Hello, and thank you for calling the Starstripe Mental Hospital.
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2. The Mystery. A mysterious voicemail leaves the listener wondering what the call is about and plays to our fear of loss and FOMO. What if something’s wrong w/ my account?
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Far Out Answering Machine Messages. "I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you." "I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty-dollar bills.
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OK, so I followed all the instructions that came with the machine. I pressed all the necessary buttons. So… now what? I… am… so… confused. Could you please… beep.
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At OpenPhone, we used Fiverr and definitely recommend this service. It was quick, affordable, and got the job done. For our project, it took over 36 hours of work between submitting the script and getting the final result. The cost was roughly $115 for the final project.
Hello, and welcome to Answering Machines of the Rich and Famous! (your name here) can’t come to the phone right now, because he’s spending the week in his beautiful summer home on the French Riviera…
We surround ourselves with positive people and influences, and we live life with a strength that’s forged by the conviction of our beliefs, not the strong pull of our society towards the lowest common denominator.
5. Delay Announcement. What the caller hears every two minutes that they are in the waiting queue. Sample Scripts: “Thank you for your patience. All of our agents are still busy.
The longer it gets, the more likely your potential client will hang up because they are annoyed.
!
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That is the funniest voice mail I’ve ever heard. If that is a real voice mail I would say that rep needs some serious training. I work for a direct seed company and all of our work is over the telephone. Here is a sample of a voice mail that I might leave: “This is Mike with XXXX Seed. I’m calling for a couple of reasons: First of all I wanted to say thanks for your business and support. Also, I wanted to find out how your planting season is going and provide some information that could be valuable to your farm. When you get this message, please call me back at XXXX. Thank you!
answering machine wav by dean raul diarchangeli. 21 funny answering machine voice mailbox messages. 39 humorous and witty voicemail greetings BRANDONGAILLE COM. FUNNY ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES FOR TELEMARKETERS.
There’s one old woman with a little black purse tomahawking him. She looks like a…jackhammer. We got another woman that’s hitting him like she’s got a cattle prod. She’s got an umbrella she’s sticking it in his side.
More Funny Clean Jokes for You:Hope the electrician knows the sprinklers scheduleLast Issue of Washington Post Express20 Sensations That Feel Amazing.Why Microsoft’s Windows 8 successor is called Windows 10Hardest Maze Ever Created!
6.) Don’t miss the opportunity to leave a specific message. There’s nothing more frustrating than listening to a voicemail that basically says, “Hi, it’s me. Call when you can!” Even if you’re just calling to say hi, make that your phone message. “Hi, Barbara! It’s Maralee! I haven’t heard your voice in too long, and I wanted to touch base and say hi. I’ll give you a call tonight at 8:00 your time. I hope we can chat then. Stay warm in Michigan. I heard about the storms.”
“Hello, you’ve reached the special agent Bond. James Bond. Okay okay, it’s actually [last name]. I’m currently away saving the world on a top-secret mission but I will get back to you as soon as possible. Please leave your name, contact info, number, and availability and I’ll call back as soon as I’m done helping M16. Have a great day. [last name] out!”
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These words are lovely dark and deep, But I've got promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. So leave a message at the beep.
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From farts to turds and from banter to hits below the belt — BFFs, besties, best friends and bae are on the chopping block here. You talk. I'm sorry I didn't answer your call. I want to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Zedge have thousands of ringtones for your cell phone. He could record the following: Hi! This is John Smith. Some of these quotes are designed to accommodate every feeling an individual has. Give him a reason to smile and think about you with a fun message he won't forget.
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No45: Hello, this is Jim. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges.
2. Hi, I’m not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
Manners Mentor exists to spread the word and to update continually the manners we’re using so that they make sense for our modern sensibilities. They’re never stuffy. They’re always simple, savvy, and sincere so that you can be authentically you…at your best! Join the Manners Mentor Movement by subscribing to receive posts in your inbox so that you’ll always be in the loop!
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Laugh as you watch how Mr. Neeson’s fan got him to record a custom voicemail greeting here.
No39: (Star Trek theme in the background:) (Voice 1:) Room 17, the final frontier. (Voice 2:) These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. (Voice 3:) To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.
Business voicemail greetings are likely to vary by company. Consider these specifics to create a professional voicemail greeting that works for your needs.
Hello this is Sean Connerey. Monty Python. Pulp Fiction. Jim Rockford.Sign in with Facebook. Membership is free, secure and easy. You will require an account to build your own soundboard or buy sound tracks.! Just fill out the account information below. All unverified accounts are deleted within 72 hours. Cart 0.
Hi. This is David. I’ve shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I’m going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up I’ll play my messages. Please leave one.
However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. The new number is Yes, same number.
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Thank you for posting the video. I think the script is well put together and seems somewhat pesonal.
This is Chris. This is his refrigerator. Hi, you have reached …. Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now.
Of course, you NEED a voicemail greeting for the times your salon is closed at least. Here’s a checklist of best practices.
Don't create any unnecessary complications by asking someone to call you back at the office when you're calling from your cell phone.
Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back.
You can’t call someone back if you don’t have their number. It seems basic, but it’s easy to forget. So a quick reminder can go a long way.
Now… now, the first step is, is the most important step there is. Liam Neeson has been acting for decades but it was his recent role in the hit movie Taken that caught the attention of a younger audience.
All content protected under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. Content theft, either print or electronic, is a Federal offense. SERVICES Overview Greetings Voice Prompts Message On Hold PRICING STANDARD PRICING Greetings & Prompts Message On Hold PLANS & PACKAGES Word Credits Message On Hold Plans SOLUTIONS Cloud PBX Recordings IVR Recordings Call Center Recordings EXAMPLES Voices Music By Industry Scripts RESOURCES TOOLS Quoting Calculator Word Estimation Calculator Audio Converter RESOURCES How It Works Contact Us Blog Knowledge Base FAQ PARTNERS Programs Service Providers Resellers SIGN IN GET STARTED Tweet Creating solid business voicemail greetings requires a little finesse. You want to make the best impression and set the right tone. However, sometimes you need to break from the norm and create business voicemails that will do some of the work for you. Whether you are dealing with frustrated callers, want to further promote your business, or have important info to share, here are the top 8 voicemail greetings and sample voicemail scripts your business should consider.
Hello, this is Susan. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.
Download and install Slydial onto your phone.Sign up for an account and log into the app.Dial 267-SLYDIAL to connect to the service.Enter the cell number you are trying to reach when prompted.Leave your message.See More....What is a good professional voicemail greeting?
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