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You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone"

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Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. Enjoy the short voice mail greetings that are sure to be funny. Use this at your own risk! This is the operator, what number were you trying to dial?
Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. .

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6. "Hi, this is [your name]. I'm either on a call or away from my desk. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message and I'll get back to you. Thank you.
Going Green. Saving Money. Getting Tech Savvy. These are some of the many reasons why businesses choose to send eGreeting cards in lieu of traditional paper cards. If you are considering sending an eGreeting card this year, follow these steps to make it the best it can be: Business and Personal Professional Voicemails October 28, 2011 Katie Devlin resources, tips, greetings

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2. The Simpsons Share a Funny Answering Greeting. If you’re looking for a short and simple message, we suggest turning to Homer Simpson as he tells callers to… leave a message.
I would be more than happy to discuss your project and your budget, together we can come up with a plan that works for everyone. Budgets and negotiation are often part of the business world.

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3. 4 out of 5 people who employ this service have country music as their song of choice while I wait to be connected. It’s as if country music fans got together and said, “if only we could get 15 seconds of our music into people’s ears, they would see how amazing it is. Does anyone have a bright idea of how we could force people to listen to 15 seconds of country music?”

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Whether it’s an out-of-stock product, a canceled event, or social media snafu, there are times when your business may see an influx of frustrated callers. While it is important to address their concerns head-on, you may not be able to answer each call as it’s received. Make sure you use best practices for dealing with angry customers, and that your voicemail greeting sets the appropriate tone. Avoid defensive language, validate their concerns, and keep them informed as to how you are handling the situation.

  • proper professional voicemail greetings

    21 Funny Answering Machine (Voicemail) Messages. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. I am not in the office today; I may not be in tomorrow. I may be in to work sooner, if you gave me your car to borrow.

    43. Hello, this is [X company]. We’re not able to take your call at the moment, but please leave a brief message so we can get back to you shortly.
    Windstream (Windstream Holdings, Inc., NASDAQ: WIN: $5.52), a premier business network and cloud services provider, has entered into a definitive agreement to purchase Broadview Networks Holdings,...

  • clever funny voicemail greetings

    Now I lay me down to sleep; leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.

    “Hello, it’s me. I was wondering if after all these years you’d leave a message at the beep. Hello, can you hear me? I’m in California dreaming about the message that you’ll leave. Hello from Ellen.”
    I know that in some cases you’re going to have a budget you have to work with for your voicemail greeting ideas. If you are looking to hire a voice talent chances are you have a budget in mind.

  • a funny voicemail message

    There are many times during a busy work day that you will have to be away from your phone. Meetings, lunches, bathroom breaks and more. 5 Not available to answer the call voicemail scripts and demos

    “Good afternoon. You have reached the office of [your name]. I will be out of the office beginning on [date] and will be returning on [date]. Please leave a brief message with your contact information, and I’ll be sure to get back to you as soon as I return on [date]. If this is an emergency or you need to speak with someone before I return, please contact [name of colleague/supervisor], [their job title], at [their phone number].”
    You have entered into a glorious pool of sound. You are traveling through time with a weightless companion known as music, and as Liquid Parallax as your tour guide, prepare to be exhilarated. Amusing / Fun-Sites / Humor Funny Answering Machine Voice Messages by Joey on Dec 9, 2007 • 3:27 pm 3 Comments

  • 7 best business voicemail greetings

    Your voicemail greeting is the first introduction to your office — what kind of impression do you want to leave?

    Now, here's where the embedded commands begin. I don't know if you've ever heard of Neurolinguistic Programming, NLP. I'm no Ninja at it, but I've learned a little bit about it through the years and if you can embed commands that aren't direct commands, not explicit, I'm commanding you to do this, but a subtle statement of a thing that embeds as a command to your subconscious mind, it can have an influencing effect on the other person.
    46. Hello, you’ve reached [name], [job title] at [company]. I’m currently away from my desk or on another call. Please leave a detailed message so I can return your call as soon as I get back.

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best voicemail messages

This page is dedicated to the best of what the net has to offer in terms of funny and witty voicemail messages! Impersonations and much more... voicemail messages that are certainly not professional, but entertaining and fun! Enjoy!

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Hello! This is 1-800-PRESLEY. Yes! 1-800-PRESLEY! They say the King died 10 years ago, but we know he's still out there somewhere. So... Leave your name and number and tell us where YOU saw Elvis!

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In this version, you pretend to realize how dumb it is to leave instructions WHILE you are leaving instructions. Hey everyone, listen to me having an epiphany, and then leave me a message.

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4. Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

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