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No33: (Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello, this is the executioner. Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD! Leave a name and number and IF we decide to resurrect him, he'll call you back.

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I am on H1 & my H1 (& visa stamping) expires in Apr 2009. My wife has H4 stamped on her passport until Apr 2009. My wife got her H1 approved in 2008 lottery with permit to start work starting October Ist, 2008. We are planning to take cruise to Bermuda from sep 28-oct 5. I just wanted to know , a) will her H4 stamping be expired on October 5, 2008 , as her H1 will become effective? c) or if someone knows whether she needs a valid visa stamping in accordance with her latest immigration status (h1 in this case on oct 5 , 2008) when returning to US in cruise.
Hi, you have reached (names) voicemail. If you want money or to sell us something, we a) gave at the office, b) already have it, or c) don’t want it. If you are a friend, trying to give us money or just want to talk, then leave a message or try my cell phone number. .

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Website: https://theawesomedaily.com/funny-ways-to-answer-the-phone-hello-we-have-plenty/
Nobody wants to play phone tag. Skip the back and forth by explicitly telling the caller to leave their name, number, and the best day(s) and time(s) to reach them. Your clients will appreciate you not wanting to waste their time.

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3. Using Prerecorded Messages. Leave Me A Message And Wait By Your Phone Till I Can Call You Back. Hi There! Your Name Is Not Here At The Moment. How Can Someone Keep A Dork In Suspense?
Just when we think things can’t get any more brutal, Jimmy tells of how the main assailant – the Godmother if you will – begins to unleash her savage beating:

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Hi! I told you never to call me at this number. But since you did, I left the knife on your back porch…Check to see I got all the blood off. Don’t forget to leave a message, and we’ll talk about the…plan.

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1. 1-603-413-4124: Calling Santa. Ever thought of reaching out to Santa months before the Christmas period? Well, this line allows you to talk to the man in charge of deciding who gets what for Christmas.

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    It's 2013. Do we still need to talk about voicemail messages on cell phones? When was the last time you checked your inbox? When was the last time you left a message?? 7 Audio eGreeting Cards You Can Send Year-Round July 24, 2012 Juli Durante customer experience, branding, greetings

    Now, as far as i can tell, my Dad has never sent a text msg in his life. He's been retired for 10+ years and he loves to talk on the phone to friends and loved ones for hours. He has no reason to text. I also wouldn't put him into a general category when it comes to dad jokes. Meaning he might not have enjoyed this as much as I. So, after much deliberation I decided to welcome my Dad to the world of SMS the only way I felt was appropriate to the relationship we share.
    My friend found a recording of a man rifling off purposely confusing voice mail instructions. It's really fast, and he keeps saying numbers and number combinations... I wish I had it....

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    This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. If you don't wish this call to be monitored or recorded, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message.

    Perhaps Archie Bunker couldn’t beat a station wagon full of nuns, but according to a circulating audio clip, an Impala full of Bible-toting middle-aged women could beat (literally!) the motorist who ran into them.
    Hi, you have reached Angela, Senior Recruitment Specialist. If you are calling to inquire about the status of your application, you can access that information by logging into your account on our online portal, where you applied. Due to the high volume of applications we receive, it is not possible to respond directly to all applicants, only to those whose candidacy is being pursued. For additional information on our recruitment process and what you can expect, please review the FAQ page on our website. If you need immediate assistance, please call back and dial extension 6 for the Human Resources receptionist, or you can leave a message, and I will return your call. Thank you.

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    -You have reached the voice mailbox of (your name). If you’re a hot chick/guy, you may leave a message at the tone. If your one of (your name)’s friends, you may also leave a message at the tone. If you’re not hot and not one of (your name)’s friends, call back when you are.

    But then the bag flies open and among the contents that fall out is a bible. So she pick’s it up and starts to pummel the man with that too.
    I find myself the most inspired when listening to soft upbeat music, and this morning the tune was one of the most recent Mac Miller tracks. This might seem irrelevant right just now, but some of the lyrics were amazingly applicable to the danger of using a salon voicemail as your receptionist.

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    Voicemails and answering machines were particularly en vogue in the '90s hip-hop world. Pitchfork wrote this excellent guide to voicemail templates in …

    The forums in the Christian Congregations category are now open only to Christian members. Please review our current Faith Groups list for information on which faith groups are considered to be Christian faiths. Christian members please remember to read the Statement of Purpose threads for each forum within Christian Congregations before posting in the forum.
    The following greeting accomplishes this succinctly. Thank you for calling [LinkedPhone – The Work From Anywhere Business Phone System]. Our office is closed until [Monday, January 25th for the holiday weekend]. If your call is urgent, please contact [Anya at 212-555-1212 or [email protected] ].

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Pressing 3 is optional. This is David. Please leave one. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. I am not in the office today; I may not be in tomorrow.Need some ideas for funny voicemail greetings? Our users have volunteered their best greetings that are guaranteed to bring a chuckle to your callers:. Our previous post on funny voicemail greetings got so much attention, we thought we'd continue….

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Voice Spice is a free online voice recorder and message sharing site. You can record a message, morph your voice, then share your it with others via Facebook, Twitter, Gmail and more!

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6. Vacation Voicemail Greetings. Hey, this is [your name] at [X company]. I am actually on a break at the moment, on the other side of the world! Please direct all phone calls to [alternate contact name] at [phone number] and emails to [X email address].

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If you are family/friends, press 1. If you are someone looking to give me a job, press 2. If you are one of the multiple out-of-area code numbers that constantly insist upon calling me, even though you should know by now im never going to answer, press the end button. This is the voicemail box of The Goddess.

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