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Description: Funny Answering Machine Messages. Free ringtones download to cell phone for free. High quality ringtones. Set ringtone as phone call. Free Ring Tones. Quality: MP3 128 Kbps, 16 bit / 44.100 khz Duration: 00:21 sec Audio Size: 345 Kb Licence: The sound is licensed under “private use only” theme songs | music ringtones | message tones | movie ringtones | old phone ringtones | instrumental ringtones | sfx | funny ringtones | star wars ringtones | scary ringtones Next story Salut d’amour Ringtone Previous story Prison Break Theme Song You may also like...

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If you are hearing this tape, then I'm not here now. Please leave your name, number, D.O.B, address, social security number, age, height, weight, how many children you have, what sex you are, your mother’s maiden name, and the date and time when you called me. If you are still listening, then whatever you have to say must be very important. Please leave a message after the beep. advice (8) animals (1) cars (1) chain (1) cool (14) cute (13) food (7) funny (219) game (1) gender (1) gross (9) health (6) history (3) hollywood (2) interesting (45) jokes (68) nature (4) office (2) picture (14) sappy (8) science (6) stories (2) stupid (21) travel (7) video (22) warning (7) women (2) Archive April (3) November (4) November (3) March (1) February (1) January (2) December (6) November (2) October (2) September (3) June (2) March (1) January (1) August (5) June (2) May (19) April (6) March (5) February (10) January (11) December (15) November (14) October (17) September (18) August (21) July (30) June (29) May (23) April (31) March (4)
Why your business voicemail greeting matters A good first impression goes a long way, and a voicemail greeting is the first impression to your business. An expertly crafted voicemail script lets your clients know you’re dependable, capable, and confident. An unprofessional voicemail script, on the other hand, can do the exact opposite. .

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“In a world where the person you are trying to reach can’t answer the phone… there’s only one choice. Leave a message.”
Cats don’t enjoy following anyone’s rules. They want everything on their own terms — total rebels. If they had their own phones and could speak like humans (stay with me), they’d definitely screen their calls, because they want to be the ones to decide when they chat with others. And no one would tell them what to say in their voicemail greetings, either. Guidelines are for suckers.

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5. The Urgency + Mystery Combo. Once you’ve gotten the basics of those last four scripts, you can combine examples to get even more creative.

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A phone call to your business is often the first encounter your customers and prospects have with your company. If no one is available to take the call, having the best professional voicemail greetings possible is important to leave a great first impression and to ensure that business opportunities don’t slip by.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. The roses have wilted, the violets are dead. The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head. The roses stink, sorta like sheep. But leave your name, number, and message after the beep. The roses are molding, the violets are rotten. And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten.

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There are very few cases in which our telephone answering service would recommend having an antiquated voicemail answer your incoming calls. A Courteous Communications can recommend these 10 recordings for personal use only. Your business callers may not appreciate these voicemail recordings, but your friends and family will surely get a kick out of them.

2. My ass and I are out for a walk. So as soon as I can get my ass back in the house, I’ll give you a call. Leave a message till then.
I, I have only 10 seconds to explain to you how to leave a message on one of these machines. Now… now, the first step is, is the most important step there is. Liam Neeson has been acting for decades but it was his recent role in the hit movie Taken that caught the attention of a younger audience.
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That’s the simple structure of a voicemail greeting. Overall, your greeting should be professional, but the wording can vary depending on the situation. Check out a sample below.

(Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra") Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached... (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can. Steve: You fool, I know it's... Wait... Matt... What are you doing with that frying pan? (BONK... THUD) Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it... Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say? (Fun to leave on a friend's machine when he's away... Sounds of raptuous sex) Hi. Mike can't come to the phone right now because he's having sex. If you leave your name and number, he'll get back with you in juuust a second. (Male groan; female voice) That's it?You're in Big Trouble Hello! I'm on a four state killing spree! WATTA YA WANT? (Voice 2) These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. At the sound of the... This is 234-3249, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzeria. It's not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a message though. Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye. Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home. Watch me pull their message out of this machine! Bullwinkle: Nuthin' up my sleeve... PRESTO! (Sound of vicious dog barking, stops abruptly.) Rocky: Here's a chance for you to REALLY leave your message. (A friend was at a mutual friend's sister's house, and when she went out for beer, he changed her answering machine message. In a loud, deep, gravelly, horror-film voice he recorded) Hi, this is Kathy. I'm not myself right now. If you leave your name and number, I'll get back to you when I'm feeling better.Farewell These words are lovely dark and deep
Has using headphones made you think about their working? To know how headphones work, read on.
what should i say in my personal voicemail greeting

Sometimes, you need to step away from work and live a little! This is perfectly okay, but make sure you leave a well-recorded voicemail greeting to keep your customers happy and content. Read these two examples of professional vacation greetings.

Bullwinkle Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home. Watch me pull their message out of this machine! Rocky: Again? Bullwinkle: Nuthin' up my sleeve... PRESTO! [Sound of vicious dog barking, stops abruptly.]
Custom voicemail greetings are essential. If you don’t have one, it makes your business look unprofessional and a little robotic. Be sure to include something that people will want to hear when they’re calling your business. Inspirational voicemail greetings mean a lot ot your callers, it lets them know you care. When it comes to business, voicemail is the most important form of communication.
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Hello! You’ve reached [Natasha on the Product Development Team at LinkedPhone]. I’m not available at the moment but your call is important to me. Please leave your name, number, and the reason for your call and I’ll call you back as soon as possible. Thank you and have a great day!

Ok Yes. This voicemail script is definitely what I would like to use in my upward movement in securing motivated sellers.
16Hey, could you come up with some cute voicemail greetings, I’m out. Can you just leave your suggestion, after the tone? This voicemail engages your caller, challenging them to come up with funny voicemail messages, while they wait to leave their messages after the tone.
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Editor's note: This post was originally published in February 2018 and has been updated for comprehensiveness. Try This Effective Prospecting Voicemail Script [Tips Included] Sales | 12 min read Get it now Get it now Download for Later Popular Features Free Meeting Scheduler App Social Media Tools Email Tracking Software Sales Email Automation Ads Software Email Marketing Software Lead Management Software Pipeline Management Tools Sales Email Templates Help Desk Software Free Online Form Builder Free Chatbot Builder Free Live Chat Software Marketing Analytics Free Landing Page Builder Free Tools Website Grader Make My Persona Email Signature Generator Blog Ideas Generator Invoice Template Generator Marketing Plan Generator Free Business Templates Industry Benchmark Data Software Comparisons Library Company About Us Careers Management Team Board of Directors Investor Relations Blog Contact Us Customers Customer Support Join a Local User Group Partners All Partner Programs Solutions Partner Program App Partner Program HubSpot for Startups Affiliate Program Facebook Instagram Youtube Twitter Linkedin Medium Hello Select your address Account & Lists Returns & Orders Best Sellers Prime Customer Service New Releases Today's Deals Pharmacy Books Fashion Registry Toys & Games Kindle Books Gift Cards Amazon Home Sell Computers Automotive Coupons Home Improvement Shopper Toolkit Video Games Smart Home Find a Gift Beauty & Personal Care Health & Household Amazon Basics Pet Supplies TV & Video Handmade Baby Disability Customer Support Amazon Music Unlimited Amazon Music HD Amazon Music Prime Free Streaming Music Buy Music Open Web Player Settings Funny Voicemail Greetings, Answering Machine Messages & Pa Announcements Your Amazon Music account is currently associated with a different marketplace. To enjoy Prime Music, go to Your Music Library and transfer your account to Amazon.com (US). After Hours You're Hosed 0:7 $0.99 After Hours You're out of Luck 0:11 $0.99 All Lines Busy Wait Your Turn 0:6 $0.99 Answered It's Not Your Turn 0:6 $0.99 Attention....Never Mind 0:6 $0.99 Attention....We Forgot 0:7 $0.99 Automated Answer If We Had More Money 0:8 $0.99 Baggage Search and Good Stuff Taken 0:9 $0.99 Biz Hours Whenever 0:5 $0.99 Call Back When You Know What You're Talking About 0:4 $0.99 Complaint Dept Hang Up 0:4 $0.99 Emergency Talking Faster 0:4 $0.99 Exit Stop Pushing and Shoving 0:4 $0.99 For Legal Evidence Call Will Be Recorded 0:7 $0.99 Have Your Questions Ready or Get It Together 0:5 $0.99 Have Your Questions Ready 0:4 $0.99 In Emergency Kiss Your Ass Goodbye 0:6 $0.99 Last One Please Turn out Lights 0:3 $0.99 Leave Tray Tables Down 0:7 $0.99 People Cutting in Line Thrown Out 0:4 $0.99 Pick up You Guns and Exit 0:3 $0.99 Please Keep Asking for Help 0:4 $0.99 Please Never Call Again 0:3 $0.99 Please Welcome a Real Loser 0:5 $0.99 Reached Number in Error Pay Attention.Wav 0:4 $0.99 Service Is Just a Word 0:6 $0.99 Someone May Be on the Line Shortly 0:7 $0.99 Sorry Lights on No One Home 0:4 $0.99 Speak With Someone Who Knows 0:5 $0.99 To Reach Compulsive Disorder Dept 0:4 $0.99 Un-Attended Bag....Take It 0:5 $0.99 Un-Attended Bags Taken and Put on Ebay 0:10 $0.99 Un-Attended Children Given Caffiene and Puppy 0:8 $0.99 Water Landing Seat Cushion 0:8 $0.99 We Will Get to Your Call When We Feel Like It 0:6 $0.99 You Will Never Be Connected to a Live Person 0:6 $0.99 Your Call Is Important Not 0:7 $0.99 Sold by Amazon.com Services LLC. Additional taxes may apply. By placing your order, you agree to our Terms of Use.

1. 1-603-413-4124: Calling Santa. Ever thought of reaching out to Santa months before the Christmas period? Well, this line allows you to talk to the man in charge of deciding who gets what for Christmas.
“Good morning. You’ve reached the voicemail of [your name]. Today is [date]. Please leave me a message with your name and contact information. Oh, and here’s my motivational quote of the day: [read quote].”
I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home. The actor, Jason Alexander, recently customized this answering greeting for a big fan, Kat Dennings. Watch the full segment on Youtube here.
Hello. This is Chris. John and Mike aren’t here right now, but if you leave a message, they’ll get back to you as soon as they can.
– I wish I was available to take your important call but, you see, I’m trying to do a lot of things that just can’t get done when I’m talking on the phone. Please leave your name and number and I’ll try and call you back if everything gets done. !

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We know that the only way to live a blessed and happy life is to live out the Golden Rule. And we know that manners (from the Latin word for hand…how to handle something) give us mutually agreed upon best practices for putting the Golden Rule into practice in our everyday encounters. They also help us know what to expect from one another and set gracious boundaries.

Other jokes and witty lines can be recorded for your callers that may bewilder a silence after the tone, or you might get to hear laughs that started before the beep, or you might throw someone off into the old routine of “What?…Hello?…Are you–Is this?…Am I leaving a message?” But you want fresh ideas. You can borrow mine to entertain your callers. Let me know their reactions. This one sounds like you are a corporation that has several operators who are busy with a large volume of calls. Includes elevator muzak and sound effects. Welcome. Due to a large volume of calls, all of our operators are busy. Please hold for the next available operator. (Music) Our operators are still busy. Please stay on the line while your call is being transferred to the Voice recording database. (connection) Infomercial that sells your messages in a rushed and enthusiastic manner. Borrowed the “complicated payment” from Mitch Hedburg.
Now, here's where the embedded commands begin. I don't know if you've ever heard of Neurolinguistic Programming, NLP. I'm no Ninja at it, but I've learned a little bit about it through the years and if you can embed commands that aren't direct commands, not explicit, I'm commanding you to do this, but a subtle statement of a thing that embeds as a command to your subconscious mind, it can have an influencing effect on the other person.
Claim: Voicemail message describes a confrontation between a male motorist and four women after a minor traffic accident.
To improve a a business voicemail greeting, keep these eight rules at the forefront of the creative process: Avoid turning customers off with overused and impersonal phrases like “your call is very important to us..." Avoid leaving customers unsure by not immediately telling them the business, department, and/or person they’ve reached. Avoid leaving customers confused with too many details and complications; just keep it simple. Avoid messages longer than 25 seconds. Do apologize for being unavailable at the moment. Do invite the caller to leave a message. Do tell the caller when they can expect a return call and actually follow through within that timeframe. Do tell the caller about any applicable alternative options of contact and information- website, live chat, email, social media, or emergency numbers. Voicemail Greetings 101
Made famous by George Costanza as you can see the clip here, the answering machine song may seem like a good idea. It's out of the box, unexpected, and definitely a novelty, but unless you're in the music business, it's probably not a good idea. You'll definitely irritate your mother (or anyone else important who calls you frequently) and you won't make a good first impression with your message.

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1. Hello, you’ve reached [your name]. I’m currently unavailable, but leave your name and number and I’ll return your call as soon as I can.

I find myself the most inspired when listening to soft upbeat music, and this morning the tune was one of the most recent Mac Miller tracks. This might seem irrelevant right just now, but some of the lyrics were amazingly applicable to the danger of using a salon voicemail as your receptionist.
Happy [Monday!] You’ve reached [Jessica on the Business Development Team at LinkedPhone]. I’m presently out of the office [for a meeting until late this afternoon]. Please include your name, number and the reason for your call and I’ll get back to you ASAP. Thank you and have a fantastic day!
10. Hello, you’ve reached [your company]. We’re sorry to have missed your call. Please leave a brief message including your name, number, and reason for calling and a member of our team will get back to you within one business day.
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Smith suggests the following sample messages for other typical voice mail messages a veterinarian or veterinary practice team member might need to leave. If you’re calling to see how a pet is doing after a recent medical encounter/treatment: Voice mail – “Ms. Smith, this is Dr. Vet just checking in on Fluffy. If you have any questions, please contact our office at 212.555.1234.” Email – “Ms. Smith, this is Dr. Vet just checking in on Fluffy. If you have any questions, please contact our office at 212.555.1234.” If you’re calling with a pet’s medical results or treatment decisions: Good news voice mail – “Ms. Smith, this is Dr. Vet, and you will be glad to hear all of Fluffy’s testing came back fine. She is good to go until her next appointment.” Bad news voice mail – “Ms. Smith, this is Dr. Vet, and we have the results of Fluffy’s tests. Please call our office at 212.555.1234 so that we can discuss these results.” Tips for connecting with clients

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Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. [Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.] OK, what would you like me to tell me?
When I get back, and can listen to what you say, I will call you back but on a less hectic day! Help me please!!!! Just speak into this box, when it makes that weird sound, and I will be able to get out and call you back! This is name speaking. He donates to charity through its office and do not want their picture taken. So how about an early birthday present? These were some of the best and funny voice-mail greetings. Try recording them in your voice mailbox.
Nobody wants to listen to a long-winded voicemail. Keep your greeting short, simple, and concise. A voicemail message should pique a client’s interest and leave them looking forward to your call. Stick to the basics, explaining your company name, hours of operation, and when to expect a callback.
-Hey! Sorry I missed your call. If you’re a telemarketer, then I’m definitely not sorry. If you’re not a telemarketer, then I’ll return your call as soon as possible.
The next step is very important and you need to get it right. Say your phone number two times very slowly so the person has enough time to write down your number as they are listening to your message the first time.

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That’s the simple structure of a voicemail greeting. Overall, your greeting should be professional, but the wording can vary depending on the situation. Check out a sample below.

what should i say in my personal voicemail greeting

Sometimes, you need to step away from work and live a little! This is perfectly okay, but make sure you leave a well-recorded voicemail greeting to keep your customers happy and content. Read these two examples of professional vacation greetings.

common business voicemail greetings

Hello! You’ve reached [Natasha on the Product Development Team at LinkedPhone]. I’m not available at the moment but your call is important to me. Please leave your name, number, and the reason for your call and I’ll call you back as soon as possible. Thank you and have a great day!

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Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)

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That’s the simple structure of a voicemail greeting. Overall, your greeting should be professional, but the wording can vary depending on the situation. Check out a sample below.

what should i say in my personal voicemail greeting

Sometimes, you need to step away from work and live a little! This is perfectly okay, but make sure you leave a well-recorded voicemail greeting to keep your customers happy and content. Read these two examples of professional vacation greetings.

common business voicemail greetings

Hello! You’ve reached [Natasha on the Product Development Team at LinkedPhone]. I’m not available at the moment but your call is important to me. Please leave your name, number, and the reason for your call and I’ll call you back as soon as possible. Thank you and have a great day!

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Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)

Create an account.

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Of Our
Story!