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Perhaps Archie Bunker couldn’t beat a station wagon full of nuns, but according to a circulating audio clip, an Impala full of Bible-toting middle-aged women could beat (literally!) the motorist who ran into them.

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Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... Don't even think about it! Don't!
Hello, this is John’s answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks.

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30. Hello, you’ve reached [your name]. I’m currently out of the office and will return on [X date]. If your call requires urgent attention, please call [Name] at [phone number] and they’ll be happy to assist you. If not, leave a message and I’ll return your call when I get back.
No35: (Drunken voice:) You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder... pa-a-a-a!

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There are many times during a busy work day that you will have to be away from your phone. Meetings, lunches, bathroom breaks and more. 5 Not available to answer the call voicemail scripts and demos

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A woman calls to report a beheaded squirrel behind a building on Christmas day. She also mentions that a couple kids have got sick due to the headless squirrel. I can just picture this scene.

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    10. “You are gonna be my new phone buddy.” Many people tend to come in the list of your best pals. This might be a great way to take your friendship to a whole new level.

    3. Voicemail Greetings For Business. You’ve reached (insert company name.) All of our team members are busy at the moment, but someone will return your call within (insert timeframe) if you’ll be so kind as to leave your name, number, and a brief message.
    My grandpa (RIP)'s outgoing voicemail message used to give their phone # instead of their name. "Hi, you've reached 555-1234, leave your message at the beep."

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    Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password. Please leave a message.
    Parodying any government or secret service agency is also a great way to create funny voicemail messages. For instance, you could say, "Thank you for calling the Slovakian Consulate. All our diplomats are out changing lightbulbs, so at the sound of the tone, please leave your details and any international secret you may have for sale." Creating funny voicemail messages that sound like they are from the mafia, the FBI, the CIA, or even the IRS can be a cool way to greet your callers when you are not available.

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    Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done.

    While deciding on a greeting remember that while it is important to be friendly, do not try to be cute or overtly sweet. It is not necessary to state the obvious details. It may be a good idea to change your voicemail message as often as possible. Also if you are recording a message for a business organization, it is important to let the caller know how to skip the message that is playing. If it is possible then giving an alternate number where the caller can reach you is always a great idea. Given later in this article are some examples.
    A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future.

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    Due to popular demand, we’ve published even more funny voicemail greetings in another blog post. Want a simple voicemail system that does a whole lot more? Try Ninja Number free – no credit card required – for 7 days! Start Your Free Trial

    *Quick Tip* If you have your very own salon app, then make sure you mention that in your voicemail as well! For more ideas on salon app marketing, click here.
    5. Hello. I’m home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.

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6. Voicemail Greetings For The Holidays. Hi, you’ve reached (insert name and title) at (insert company.) We’ve taken this time to be with our family’s and stuff our bellies.

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9. Outgoing Message with Samuel L. Jackson Treatment. Stephen Colbert asked Samuel L. Jackson to record his infamous voice on his outgoing message recording.

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19. "Hello, you've reached [your name]. I'm currently [exploring Asia, hiking through the jungle in Costa Rica, hanging out on the beach in Bermuda] — or more likely, [recovering from extreme jet lag, googling ‘Are red spiders poisonous,' or looking for SPF 150 sunscreen] and won't be back in the office until [date]. Leave your contact info and reason for calling and I'll get in touch then."

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As you look to update your script, here are a few questions to ask: Will your voicemail greeting be funny, so your callers think your business is fun? Do you want the tone to be more professional, so it gives callers the impression you only work with Fortune 500 companies? Do you want to record a brief message, or will a more detailed message be helpful? Knowing these answers will help you craft a personal voicemail greeting unique to your company.

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