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Just when we think things can’t get any more brutal, Jimmy tells of how the main assailant – the Godmother if you will – begins to unleash her savage beating:

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-Hey! Sorry I missed your call. If you’re a telemarketer, then I’m definitely not sorry. If you’re not a telemarketer, then I’ll return your call as soon as possible.
Authors Topics About Contact Policy Home » Funny Voicemail Famous Quotes & Sayings Whatever mind can concieved and believe can be achieves — Napoleon Hill More Pictures » John Coffey was torn open by what he had done ... but he would live. The girls would not. They had been torn open in a more fundamental way. — Stephen King More Pictures » I like butter and the people who like butter. — Tori Amos When nature calls, I don't let it go to voicemail. — Nenia Campbell Life is a lot like skateboarding. — Lil' Wayne The Palestinians try hard to forget when they should remember. .

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Don’t rush. It’s important to speak slowly and clearly when leaving your next voicemail greeting. Have you ever called someone and the message sounds like one big word? Don’t be that guy. Pronounce your words and take pauses between your sentences
Happy [Monday!] You’ve reached [Jessica on the Business Development Team at LinkedPhone]. I’m presently out of the office [for a meeting until late this afternoon]. Please include your name, number and the reason for your call and I’ll get back to you ASAP. Thank you and have a fantastic day!

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Please dial the number you are calling. You are calling the number you have dialed. I’m sorry, you have 40 cents. Please deposit more money.
Of course, your phone rang because someone wanted to get in touch. They got your voicemail because you were busy or just not there. If you section off a block of your day to check voicemails, let the caller know so they can expect a time for you to return their call. People …

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Your clients don’t have a lot of time, and neither do you. Use the following short voicemail greetings to get to the point quickly and invite them to leave a message.

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    Cash Me Outside. Donald Trump - Donate to the Wall. Thank You For Holding. Hillary - Delete My Emails. Pokemon Go.

    Wanna hear a joke? Knock, knock! Hello, and thank you for calling the Starstripe Mental Hospital. If you need to reach a patient, please press 1 and then say their name. If you are delusional, please have either you or your monkey press 2and we will connect you to Mothership.
    4. The Millennial Greeting. We don’t call anymore, text. Seriously? You’re calling, again? Can everything you have to say be condensed in a text message? Hello, this is [insert name].

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    Hey, this is ________, and I'm can't come to the phone right now, but don't mind me--You know what to do!

    Eight days ago she said, "We're breaking up," the call ended, and it's gone straight to voicemail ever since.
    A general voicemail greeting is what callers will be greeted with if you are unable to answer the phone at work. It is the everyday greeting, used as the default, unless you have set up a temporary greeting, such as an away message while you're on vacation, or a …

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    So, I added a, you, uh, your, uh, just a pause or maybe a little chuckle in here or there just to make it sound organic. So right off the top, if we've already spoken about your house and you just need to leave a message, press pound now and leave a message after the tone. So that obviously has a practical use because if sellers call back because that's the only number that they have, maybe the second or third time, I don't want to have to make them endure the entire message before they leave us a message. And that is actually how Vumber works.

    Not sure if this is real or not (and either is snopes, see below). But, it sure is funny. Happy Monday! EDIT: Try this link. This is where I got it from, I didn't try the one below and it apparently doesn't work: Claim: Voicemail message describes a confrontation between a male motorist and four women after a minor traffic accident.

    Don't mess with Bible-totin' old ladies.. Read this little explanation and then listen to the voicemail. You just have to laugh with the guy. On a recent Spurs trip, we were asking one of our sponsors who works at Jack in the Box for some funny stories or experiences with the company. The funniest story he had was when an operations manager was late for a meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late. As he was leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to provide "play by play" of the incident. After telling us the story, he promised to send us a copy of the voice mail and here it is. This is the actual voice mail message. It was passed along and forwarded so many times within Jack in the Box; it crashed their voice mail server. Origins: In one memorable episode of the 1970s television sitcom All in the Family, Archie Bunker is involved in a minor traffic accident and, eager to cash in on the incident, rushes out and engages a Jewish lawyer to sue the other party. However, after conferring with the defendant's attorney, Archie's lawyer advises him that he has http://www.snopes.com/autos/graphics/fight.gif no case, as the other side's witnesses are too strong. There's an old legal precept, he informs Archie: "You can't beat a station wagon full of nuns." Perhaps Archie Bunker couldn't beat a station wagon full of nuns, but according to a circulating audio clip, an Impala full of Bible-toting middle-aged women could beat (literally!) the motorist who ran into them. We present the recording for your listening enjoyment through [url="http://www.snopes.com/autos/audio/jackbox.mp3"]this (http://home.swbell.net/kf5tv/voicemail.mp3) link. The file size of the clip is over 4MB, so please be patient while it downloads. As to the questions of whether the account given above is an accurate explanation of the origins of this audio clip, and whether the traffic incident described actually took place, we have to leave them as "Undetermined" for now. A inquiry posed to the corporate offices of Jack in the Box restaurants produced the following response: Thank you for your inquiry. The message that has been in circulation is an actual voice mail message. The incident occurred 5-6 years ago in Texas. I'm not sure how the recording got outside the company or if the employee still works for Jack in the Box, but the recording periodically re-surfaces on the radio and the internet. Even if this explanation is accurate (i.e., the clip originated as a message left on a Jack in the Box employee's voicemail), it doesn't preclude the possibility that the accident described never took place, and the recording was just a prank one employee pulled on a co-worker.
    High Voltage 48V 51.2V Solar System Batteries BMS Lithium ion Battery Storage Solar Power Bank Battery Pack Would you like to change your voicemail greetings?Do you need our help?Build a quirky, fun voicemail and share a moment of laughter with your dear before they understand the intent behind you and run to pick you up!Voice mail is not necessarily monotonous or very jazz or trendy.What you want is a balance between the two.Whenever I call someone and their voicemail greeting is playing, it tells me who they are.

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    January 19, Our users have volunteered their best greetings that are guaranteed to bring a chuckle to your callers: No one answers phone calls anymore; send me a text.

    Creating funny voicemail messages that are fun for your callers to listen to can be quite entertaining for you too. Instead of leaving a standard, boring voicemail greeting in place, you can use a little creativity that makes callers chuckle or laugh out loud. An easy way to come up with ideas is to do a play on popular TV shows, parody a government agency, or give voice to a machine that has come to life and is expressing its unique personality. A private voicemail box enables a person to receive telephone messages when the phone cannot be answered.
    Hi, you have reached …. Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call.

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    funny greetings on voicemail

    Hello. You have reached [Name]. I apologize for not being able to answer your call at the moment. However, if you leave your name, number, and a short message, I’ll make sure to contact you when I return.

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