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5. "Hello, [Person's name] is chasing new adventures and is no longer with [Company name]. Please forward all future requests to [New or interim person's name] at [phone number]. Thank you!"

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No35: (Drunken voice:) You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder... pa-a-a-a!
Then Chuck Norris will hand you over my script. Totally serious. Just try it. šŸ˜€ .

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A voicemail and voicemail greeting are two different things. A voicemail serves to leave a message and contact information to an individual or business. A voicemail greeting serves to welcome those who call while you are out, encouraging them to leave a message and contact information. A well-crafted voicemail greeting also serves as a tool where one can leave a good first impression.

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You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone."
To improve a a business voicemail greeting, keep these eight rules at the forefront of the creative process: Avoid turning customers off with overused and impersonal phrases like ā€œyour call is very important to us..." Avoid leaving customers unsure by not immediately telling them the business, department, and/or person theyā€™ve reached. Avoid leaving customers confused with too many details and complications; just keep it simple. Avoid messages longer than 25 seconds. Do apologize for being unavailable at the moment. Do invite the caller to leave a message. Do tell the caller when they can expect a return call and actually follow through within that timeframe. Do tell the caller about any applicable alternative options of contact and information- website, live chat, email, social media, or emergency numbers. Voicemail Greetings 101

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For many years, businesses in Fort Worth have relied on voicemail greetings to deliver a professional impression to callers. More recently, the voicemail greeting format has been adapted by businesses to communicate in-person visit information, special offers, and customer feedback.

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Seconds later say ā€œHAHA, that was a fake beep created by my mouth. I fooled you good!ā€ A is for A, B is for Beer, C is for C, D is for Drunk. Call me back in 48 hours when Iā€™m R for Recovered! A is for apple, B is for beer and that may be why Iā€™m not here. Leave a message. Alright listen, Iā€™m on one line with my girlfriend and her best friend on the other. Leave a message and if you promise to not tell either of them that Iā€™m a player, Iā€™ll call you back. Back in MY DAY we didnā€™t use answering machines. We used jumbo sized devices to take messages for us. Those we called ā€œAnswering Machinesā€ and I just realized.. I sound like an idiot! Bob is currently in the shower. Heā€™s there an hour per day. I wonder what the heck he does in that time. Oh well, probably plays with himself. Help me.. HELP ME!! My wife wants me in bed. PLEASE CALL 911!!!! HURRY!!! AHHHHH!!! Hi this is Bobā€™s answering machine and I will need a few things from you. #1 is your full name including middle name. #2 is your address including postal code. #3 is your credit card number with the 3 digit security code on the back. Thereā€™s a porn site I want to join and I donā€™t want to use my moms information. Hi you have reached Bob and Iā€™m not interested in having my grass cut, buying new windows or installing new doors. Hi youā€™ve reached Bob. If you want to leave a message press 1. If you want to leave a message about how sexy I am, press 2. If you have the wrong number, press 9. As you already can tell, the number pressing doesnā€™t do anything. I did all this just to feel.. cool.. Hi, I am Bobā€™s answering machine and heā€™s pissing me off. Everyday he changes his messages and Iā€™m sick of all the button pressing he does. If you come over, can you please take me? I need a new owner who doesnā€™t push buttons! Hi, I understand how annoying long messages can be. Why do people always waste so much time talking about crap? Well Iā€™m with you on this one. I canā€™t stand people who leave long messages talking about nothing useful. Why canā€™t they just get to the point? All they have to say is ā€œHey Iā€™m not here cause Iā€™m doing important stuff. Leave a message!ā€ Anyways I kept this message short. Leave one after the beep. Hi, Iā€™m in the process of getting married. Why canā€™t the priest operate as quick as a microwave? Less than 5 minutes or your money back! Hi, Iā€™m not interested in answering your call right now but my voicemail is. Leave one! Hi, if youā€™re a telemarketer give me your number and Iā€™ll call you back. What, you donā€™t want me to call you back? Now you know how I feel! Hi, my name is the answering machine and I record messages in your very own authentic voice. Would you like to increase the size of your penis? I sell those too! Hi, this is Bobā€™s voicemail and heā€™s on vacation. Heā€™s in the Caribbean partying with all the tourists. If you like you can rob his place and I wonā€™t say a word! Hi, youā€™ve reached the pizza delivery guy and Iā€™m trying to make a delivery but am stuck waiting for the train to go by for the 10th time. This customer gets me every time! I had the phone ringing in my hand but was too lazy to answer it. Leave a message. If you are a male, keep your voice and say you are a female. Hi, this is Bobā€™s girlfriend. I drove him in debt and took his phone. Leave a message and if you sound rich & sexy, youā€™ll hear back! If youā€™re calling for Bob, press 1. If you are calling for Greg, press 2. Hey I have some news for you, thereā€™s no Greg at this number. HAHA I lied to you! You got fooled pretty good! Iā€™m pretty drunk & unstable. I think my hands are vibrating. How am I going to hold my next drink without spilling it?? PLEASE TELL ME!! Iā€™m probably too lazy to answer. Leave a message and Iā€™ll call back. If you donā€™t hear from me, then itā€™s cause I donā€™t like you! Keep your original voice Hi, Iā€™m Katie and.. Who did I say I was? Oh man, I gotta keep off the Viagra! Make sound effects with your mouth. Yo Yo Yo.. This is Bob whoā€™s here to make the save. You want to talk to me but I will be charging a fee. Leave a message so I can make enough for a massage! Oh no.. Youā€™re calling.. Someone.. please pull my plug!!! Hello.. anyone there?? NOOOOOOā€¦ Oh wicked, I finally got an answering machine. YAY! Now how do you work this thing? Letā€™s see.. To record message, press the REC button. Alright, where the heck is the REC button? Someone else says out loud Bob you moron, itā€™s right here and you already pressed it! Then you say Ahh crap! Sorry I donā€™t answer the phone or check my messages but if you are calling to donate me money, leave a message and Iā€™ll call you back within seconds. Sorry I missed your call. Iā€™m probably running away from the wife. Sheā€™s in one of those moods.. AGAIN! This is Bob and I just picked up the best answering machine in the world. The recordings are in high quality. Leave a message now so I can listen to it in 5.1 surround sound! Yo, this is Bob coming to you from the rave, never knowing when to behave. I can rhyme within time and you should leave one before I win a ton! If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone. Funny Joker : I love funny jokes which is probably why I own this very funny jokes website :-) The jokes here are NOT work friendly, you've been warned. 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    Just wanted to let you know that I'm not here so leave a message! I'm not available right now, but please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

    Dear Caller: As I'm leaving you this message, the sun is shining for a change. Little children are cavorting in the park, and their tasty mothers and teenage sisters are sunbathing practically nude. So, did you really think I was going to stick around this dump?
    Voicemail is necessary when no one can answer the phone. However, a dedicated receptionist can reduce the need for this feature and help people reach a live person. Consider live chat as well if your customers like to reach out online.

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    Werenā€™t these messages funny and wacky for your machine. Of course, you have to be a bit careful as to what you say and record on your machine. You donā€™t want to offend anyone or say something that might upset your listeners. So be absolutely sure. And, if you have any more voicemail ideas, do let us know by leaving a comment below. Till then, Iā€™d like toā€¦ beep.

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    Hi there! Youā€™ve reached [LinkedPhone ā€“ Where Freedom Rings!] Weā€™re away at the moment but please leave your name, number, and let us know how we can help you. Weā€™ll make sure the right team gets back to you within [the next 24 hours]. We appreciate your call. Thank you.

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    I love jokes. You want to know something I hate? Wanna hear a joke? Knock, knock! Hello, and thank you for calling the Starstripe Mental Hospital.

    Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.
    A good example of a telesales consultant who has either received very poor training or perhaps no training at all. As a sales manager and trainer I do not allow new consultants onto the phones unless they are ready.A great lesson for all sales managers and trainers. What Do You Think About This Voice Message? : Telephone Sales : Selling & Marketing Tips To Increase Sales So I Was Dead | Il Commerciale ā€“ The Salesman Ā©

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    Get creative. Poke good-natured fun, or tease them with your dry or self-deprecating humor. Remember that the goal is to make them feel happy to start the day, and not the other way around!

    Of course, your phone rang because someone wanted to get in touch. They got your voicemail because you were busy or just not there. If you section off a block of your day to check voicemails, let the caller know so they can expect a time for you to return their call. People will leave more details if they know someone will check it later.
    9. Outgoing Message with Samuel L. Jackson Treatment. Stephen Colbert asked Samuel L. Jackson to record his infamous voice on his outgoing message recording.

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a good personal voicemail greeting

These were some of the best and funny voice-mail greetings. Try recording them in your voice mailbox.

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Funny voicemail messages are an excellent alternative for people that are looking for that unique touch for something that seems really mundane. donā€™t want it. If you are a friend, trying to give us money or just want to talk, then leave a message or try my cell phone number. answering service IVR leads legal legal answering service

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You can use any of the ideas for voicemail messages given in this article. Proper voicemail etiquette is extremely important while drafting a message for your phone. Voicemail messages should always be concise and to-the-point so that the caller is not confused by excess information. In the holiday season try to add holiday greetings to your voicemail. Drafting a voice mail message is very simple as long as you know exactly what you want to say and how to say it.

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Youā€™ve reached [LinkedPhone ā€“ Where Freedom Rings]. We are currently off-duty. Our business hours are [Monday through Saturday, 9am to 7pm Eastern Standard Time]. Please leave your name, number, and the reason for your call and weā€™ll get back to you on the next business day. Thank you.

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