“This is not a voice-mail; this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.”
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Hi this is Andrew. If you are an ex-girlfriend, suck it up and move on. If not, I do have a life that is obviously being used so leave a message and if I have time, i'll try to squeeze you in.
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“Hi. This is (name). If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money. Bye!”
The moral of the story? Don’t trust old ladies! They’re armed and dangerous and should you see one please contact your local Garda Station.
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I would be more than happy to discuss your project and your budget, together we can come up with a plan that works for everyone. Budgets and negotiation are often part of the business world.
Download Ebook Funny Answering Machine Messages Funny Answering Machine & Voicemail Messages. In 1935, Willy Müller invented the world's first automatic answering machine. It was a three-foot-tall machine popular with Orthodox Jews who were forbidden to answer the phone on the Sabbath. Then in 1960, the Ansafone, created by
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Which brings me to—an interesting (and kinda hilarious) question from Tim D. I saw recently in response to one of my “Swipe & Deploy” shares. Choose whichever flavor you like…
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No30: I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.
No more fear! You’re so going to be a gracious master of voicemails. Here are the best tips to help you leave a voicemail message that’s friendly, gets the needed information across, and ends before the dreaded “time’s up” beep!
Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you. Hi, this is _____. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. Hello, this is _____. I’m not home right now, but I can take a message.
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We have added expanded forums for the new strategy games Humankind and Old World. Civilization's 30th Birthday Contest: Give Civ a Present, Get One Back! New Forums for Humankind and Old World 100 Of The Funniest Thing To Put On Your Answering Machine Theard Page 1 of 9 1 ← 2 3 4 5 6 → 9 Next > Joined: Apr 12, 2003 Messages: 45 Location: at my house Lets try to put 100 of the funniest thigs you can put on your answering machine. I can't think of any thing so somebody else start off, and links to web sites are ok. Chain n' Axe, May 22, 2003 Joined: Apr 10, 2003 Messages: 359 Location: Here " OH MY GOD PUT THE GUN DOWN! PLEASE PUT IT DOWN! BOOM!!!" *beep*
.\";Listening to these automated voice records, I might as well fall asleep.Your voice message greeting should be fun, vibrant, witty so that the caller wants to pick up their phone and call you (just so they can hear the greeting again ).Interesting voice mail ideas can do this, can't they?Whether it's for your home, office or mobile phone, set up a good voicemail that will make your callers laugh even if they message you.
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Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Cell Phone Greetings make personal voice mail greetings easier to get from the professionals. Cell Phone Greeting.net will install your professional voice mail messages from our professional voice talent. Phone greetings are the professional way to promote your business.
Voices.com connects you with over 200,000 voice talents. The artist will send you an audition and an estimated quote to complete the work. Once you listen to all auditions, you select your talent to begin the project.
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ALSO also, to answer the glaring question: Should you even have seller calls handled by voicemail rather than live answered? (my opinion and thoughts on this may surprise you).
1. Hi this is [your name], I’m either away from my desk or on the phone, please leave your name and number along with a short message and I’ll be sure to get back to you. 2. I’m sorry, but I’m momentarily tied up. Please leave your name and number, and I’ll …
A professional voicemail should be short and succinct. Simply introduce your company, ask the caller to leave their information, and let the caller know when to expect a callback. Once you record your greeting, you can easily upload it into the OpenPhone app. Simply go to your phone number’s settings, then choose to record a greeting, upload an mp3 file, or use text-to-speech.
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Our funny voice mail greetings are uploadable to any voicemail system or answering machine you can call into to change your greeting, so you can have a funny voice greeting on your cell phone or home phone! (Click Here to Learn How) All voice greetings are delivered at the time of purchase in a .zip file containing a .wav file, an .mp3 file
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2. The Simpsons Share a Funny Answering Greeting. If you’re looking for a short and simple message, we suggest turning to Homer Simpson as he tells callers to… leave a message.
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If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional. This is David.
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Chances are that you have a voicemail. A landline or a cellphone usually comes standard with the option for a personal greeting. Below are some original and humorous recordings of voice messages for your mobile or immobile phone. There are plenty of other funny ideas, but we’ve seen them or heard them before. For instance, the “Hello” and pause effect- the prank is more amusing for the listener because you don’t get to hear them throughout their confusion until after the beep. A rarer one was a philosophical answering machine that I found rather witty:
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Hello this is Sean Connerey. Monty Python. Pulp Fiction. Jim Rockford.Sign in with Facebook. Membership is free, secure and easy. You will require an account to build your own soundboard or buy sound tracks.! Just fill out the account information below. All unverified accounts are deleted within 72 hours. Cart 0.
Listen to Funny Voicemail Greetings, Answering Machine Messages & Pa Announcements by Worldwide Talent Group on Apple Music. Stream songs including "After Hours You're Hosed", "After Hours You're out of Luck" and more. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Hi. Hello! A is for academics, B is for beer. Hi. Hi! This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. Hello, you are talking to a machine.
Concatenation of events preclude our coming to the phone. Please speak freely, with magniloquence upon occasion of the tone.
Please leave your full name, contact details and reason for calling and I will call you back as soon as I’m back. Thanks for calling!”
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And also to walk you through some of the nuances and Jedi mind tricks inside…and how it solidly prescreens & elegantly sets the stage for having solid conversations with the right people.
I have a confession to make: I haven’t recorded a new voicemail greeting since 2014. In the past four years, I (hopefully) have become more articulate, poised, and self-assured. But hear my voicemail recording, and you’d think I was still new to the work world, a little unsure of myself — and probably not an authority. Obviously I need toupdate it. And if you haven’t changed your voicemail greeting in over a year, you’re likely in the same boat. After all, a professional voicemail recording boosts your credibility, makes you seem more competent, and encourages whoever’s listening to it to continue the relationship. A relatively unprofessional one — like mine, for instance — does the opposite: It encourages prospects, recruiters, and potential connections to run in the other direction. With that in mind, I’ve written 18 unique voicemail greetings for every situation. Pick your favorite, practice a few times, then record your new voicemail.
21 Funny Answering Machine (Voicemail) Messages. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. I am not in the office today; I may not be in tomorrow. I may be in to work sooner, if you gave me your car to borrow.
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"Hello, this is John. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil." (background noise - open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) "OK, what would you like me to tell me?" If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."
Roy H. Williams is the OG Marketing Strategist and Master Copywriter. He IS The Wizard of Ads™, and it is his proven methodology, principles, and framework that are used daily at the Wizard of Ads™.
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Simply speak into your phone or computer while recording a greeting with your business phone service. If you need to create your own audio file, the voice memo app on your phone should do fine.
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Not many might consider it, but your business voicemail greeting is probably more important than you think. Now, we probably all hate recording those generic voicemail greetings at home or on our cell phones. But when it comes to our business – a generic, lifeless robotic greeting probably just won’t cut it. And thanks to the software that comes with your business VoIP solution, it is easier than ever to change your greetings on the fly.
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That's a common word that I use. And it includes really anything that involves, uh, a junky house, just a house that they inherited, no matter the condition, a house problem could mean the house itself or the situation. So I let the seller know we specialize in hard to sell homes and I go through a laundry list of things that that might include and yes, we can help. I want them to begin connecting me as somebody that helps people in their mind.
Your voicemail doesn’t have to be monotonous or impersonal. What you need is something that is unique to you but works in a professional manner.
4. Provide your voicemail system's password. You will be prompted to enter the passcode to your voicemail account, if you have set one (which, hopefully, you have).
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If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. This is not a voicemail; this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you and I'll think about returning your call. Hello, this is Death.
Recent trends in voicemail have leaned towards the desire for many individuals to relate on other forms of digital message than traditional voice mails. More individuals have not set up their voice message nor return calls in a decent amount of time. However, some voice messages even steer individuals to contact by email for a quicker response. If you still enjoy the concept and position that a voicemail box serves, you may feel compelled to add a witty voicemail greeting to your caller. The following selection has been shared by others around the global and intended to inspire you to create your own unique humorous voicemail.
By using this form you agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website. * Westworld Theme Song Stranger Things Theme Song Narcos Ringtone Wonder Woman Ringtone Avengers Infinity War Ringtone Peaky Blinders Ringtone Jumanji Drums Ringtone Thor Ragnarok Ringtone Animal Ringtones (100) Christian Ringtones (97) Funny Ringtones (371) Message Tones (286) Movie Ringtones (463) Music Ringtones (3,145) Classical Music Ringtones (130) Country Music Ringtones (37) Instrumental Ringtones (1,710) Rock Ringtones (118) Theme Songs (956) National Anthem (68) Old Phone Ringtones (96) Scary Ringtones (130) SFX (279) Siren Sounds (80) Star Wars Ringtones (68) Video Game Ringtones (222) Download from Firefox on Desktop computer: right-click the link to the Download MP3 > Save Link As... to download the file before loading it. Harry Potter Ringtone Bottle Opener Ringtone Android La Casa De Papel Theme Song Omg Flute Ringtone The Good The Bad And The Ugly Ringtone Hero Ringtone iPhone Ding Sound Imperial March Ringtone
What’s more, according to WP Beginner, “more than 88% of local searches on mobile devices end up in a phone call,” so you don’t want to be caught off guard when a customer calls!
Click on the name of the website to access the page dedicated to entertaining voicemail messages.
21. "Hello, you've reached [your name, the office of X company]. The team is currently out of the office, but we'll be back on [date] stuffed with good food and eager to speak with you. Leave your name, number, and — if you're so inclined — your favorite [holiday dish, Thanksgiving tradition, etc.]"
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As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone, the telephone is next to an answering machine. You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine. You hear a beep.
“I’m not able to get to the phone in spite of the fact that I’m able to climb mountains, water ski, and play a saxophone. So, please leave me your message, and I’ll get to you soon. Thanks for calling.”
Holy crap! I just found the recording of a fraternity brother's voicemail from college! I'll post EDIT: Right now... "Our new years resolution was to stay home more and answer our phone, but I guess we're not doing that. Leave a message after the beep " Choppy Prerecorded man's voice "Hello, Please leave a message after the tone " (verizon lady voice)- "Hello - 'Erik' (my voice) - is currently not available. Please leave a message after the tone. To leave a callback number press 5. " Sep 13, 2003 3,303 32 Its not so much where you are as when you are. I did that one once. Pissed the hell out of the telemarketers. See they have an autodialer which listens for the first bit of the phone call. If its something a person says then it hands the call to a person. For a while I also started answering the phone like an answering machine and got all sorts of people just hanging up on me. "Our new years resolution was to stay home more and answer our phone, but I guess we're not doing that. Leave a message after the beep " "Hello?......Hello?....I'm sorry, can you speak up please, I can barely here you....What's that?...I'm sorry, we're not home right now, please leave a message and we'll get back to you soon...." I like the "Hello? ", caught a few people talking to the answering machine with that one. "Hi mom, hi dad.. is not here." etc., etc.
Whether you’re out for the day or are off for the week, the first rule of an out of office voicemail greeting is: let callers know when you’ll be back! You’ll save them the frustration of continuing to call and yourself the hassle of listening to redundant voicemails. It’s also a good idea to set the expectation of whether you are answering messages while you’re away, and who they can reach for assistance in your absence.
That’s why it’s critical that each customer interaction with your business is consistent, positive, and represents the values and personality of your company. This includes your storefront, website, social media presence, emails, and every interaction you have with your customers, both online and in-person.
Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.
Voicemails can give an important message or inform the caller about the receiver’s status. Thus, it is important for you to be clear while recording such messages. Here are a few examples of voicemail greetings to get an idea about appropriate messages that can be recorded the next time you leave your house or desk.
