Need some ideas for funny voicemail greetings? Our users have volunteered their best greetings that are guaranteed to bring a chuckle to your callers: 3.) Don’t expect a call back. Its not gonna happen so you might as well forget about it. OK, thanks, bye! Hi…sorry, but my therapist says I should spend more time “finding myself” than messing with a cell phone. So leave a message after my sad sobs. Hello , you have reached _____. The reason I haven’t picked up is because YOU HAVE BEEN REJECTED. Thank you. Hello, maybe I actually picked up the phone but I’m bored so I’m pretending to be the voicemail. Hey, don’t be such a critic! Would you rather I pretend to be a sofa cushion? (pause) Sorry, I can’t get to the phone right now because I’m pretending to be a sofa cushion, but leave a message and maybe I’ll get back to you when pigs fly. Hey this is _____ and if you hear this, I either think you’re crazy and I don’t want to talk to you, or I’m trapped under something heavy. Leave a message.
The above section details types of phrasing to avoid; however, it doesn’t detail what users should NOT say on their greeting. Though this is a bit loaded, as there are hundreds of combinations of things one shouldn’t say, there are some key components users should ALWAYS avoid. a. Forget About Slang: You should strive to be as professional and welcoming as possible in your greeting. While this may steer you towards using slang, in an attempt to make callers comfortable, it’ll most likely work against you. As a professional, your demeanor, tone, and speech should be clear cut and well articulated. Using slang undercuts this and works against you. b. Don’t Even Think About Profanity: This is a no-brainer. Never, under any circumstances, curse in your greeting EVER! c. Keep Your Sentences Clean, Don’t Ramble: Introduce yourself and give your caller specific direction. Avoid long diatribes detailing tangent thoughts. Keep it simple and quick. d. Always Return Your Calls: It’s important for callers to feel they are valued. Nothing dissolves this quicker than a greeting that doesn’t stress this. For example, “I’ll call you when I can,” “If I don’t return your call, please call back”—these phrases are terrible and completely destroy any good will you may have with a caller.

3.) Benvenuti alla John Doe – Per il Tedesco si prega di premere 1 – per l’Inglese si prega di premere 2.
2.) Benvenuti alla John Doe. Purtroppo ci state chiamando fuori dal nostro normale orario di lavoro. Ci potete contattare personalmente dal Lunedì al Venerdì dalle 8am alle 6pm e il Sabato dalle 9am alle 4pm. Si prega di lasciare un messaggio o di inviare una e-mail a: [email protected]. Vi contatteremo al più presto possibile – Grazie.