I have a confession to make: I haven't recorded a new voicemail greeting in nearly a decade. Since then, I've (hopefully) become more articulate, poised, and self-assured. But hear my voicemail recording, and you'd think I was still new to the work world, a little unsure of myself — and probably not an authority.
The above section details types of phrasing to avoid; however, it doesn’t detail what users should NOT say on their greeting. Though this is a bit loaded, as there are hundreds of combinations of things one shouldn’t say, there are some key components users should ALWAYS avoid. a. Forget About Slang: You should strive to be as professional and welcoming as possible in your greeting. While this may steer you towards using slang, in an attempt to make callers comfortable, it’ll most likely work against you. As a professional, your demeanor, tone, and speech should be clear cut and well articulated. Using slang undercuts this and works against you. b. Don’t Even Think About Profanity: This is a no-brainer. Never, under any circumstances, curse in your greeting EVER! c. Keep Your Sentences Clean, Don’t Ramble: Introduce yourself and give your caller specific direction. Avoid long diatribes detailing tangent thoughts. Keep it simple and quick. d. Always Return Your Calls: It’s important for callers to feel they are valued. Nothing dissolves this quicker than a greeting that doesn’t stress this. For example, “I’ll call you when I can,” “If I don’t return your call, please call back”—these phrases are terrible and completely destroy any good will you may have with a caller.

And you’re done! Your CenturyLink voicemail is now set up. Whenever you have an unheard message, you'll hear a stuttered dial tone when you pick up your home phone. Take a few minutes to gather your thoughts, even jot down a few notes, and practice before you record. Before you start recording, turn off anything in the background that might cause noise. This will ensure your voice is clear and easy to understand. While clever greetings can be fun, it's worth taking a moment to think about the range of potential callers who may be leaving you voicemail. Consider the tone and image you want to project. Don't worry! If you don't like your recording, you can erase it and re-record as many times as you'd like.
Humor also leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation—which subsequently weakens sincerity and authority. A caller can be very turned off by merely misinterpreting your joke. Why take this risk? Additionally, this could even cause callers to question your character. Say, for example, the president of a company’s mobile phone voicemail greeting was funny. What’s to happen if the caller didn’t like or get the joke? What if they found it offensive? Another scenario is that a caller is reaching out to you for the first time—i.e. they have no idea regarding your personality. What next? The point is, with this type of greeting, humor is bound to be more divisive so just avoid it altogether. c. Poorly Pacing Your Message and Bad Time Management: Don’t speed through your message. Speak clearly so callers know what to include in their message and when to leave the message. At the same time, don’t drag your message out. No one wants to sit through a diatribe. Just get to the point clearly.