The simple truth is that you need to be more aware of what you’re leaving for other people to hear. Sure, this doesn’t always register as a priority for users, but it’s never too late to reassess your greeting. a. Reading/Speaking in the Imperfect Tone: Tone is absolutely everything. Users don’t want to come off as being too nice, as it sounds insincere, or being too terse, as it can be interpreted as being rude. That being said, striking the right balance is absolutely essential. Your greeting exists as its own entity, and therefore, it should NOT rely on callers’ familiarity with you. Instead, it needs to appeal to the masses. As such, your inflection, i.e. the way you state your name and directions, needs to be both welcoming and firm. b. Injecting Humor & Insincerity: While humor/light heartedness can be welcoming, it can also convey a sense of informality, insincerity, and ultimately unprofessionalism. Why, because you’re not there to lend your humor or to contextualize. Instead, you’re assuming the caller has a working knowledge of your personality to ground the message. Though this might not sound like it’s all that terrible—it can be detrimental. As stated above, one should NEVER rely on a caller’s familiarity with you. Instead, aim to appeal to the masses. Humor is ultimately subjective, meaning not everyone has the same tastes; therefore, someone is bound to be turned off by a quirky or off-color remark. While implementing a light-hearted or even tongue and cheek tone can work, it’s just a really bad idea.
A business’ voicemail greeting is often the first point of contact with a business’ customers. Getting this greeting right can make a business sound professional and trustworthy. A badly-done greeting, on the other hand, can confuse and infuriate customers over the phone.

Calling your retrieval number — instead of your home phone number — is a faster way to listen to your messages remotely. You will be prompted immediately to enter your PIN and don't have to wait for your greeting to start.
Before you officially pick a greeting, why not practice on making your voice even and understandable? I know that my voice rises when I speak on the phone, and I tend to speak faster, so I practice in the mirror to slow down my voice and make sure that I am speaking as naturally as I can.