The simple truth is that you need to be more aware of what you’re leaving for other people to hear. Sure, this doesn’t always register as a priority for users, but it’s never too late to reassess your greeting. a. Reading/Speaking in the Imperfect Tone: Tone is absolutely everything. Users don’t want to come off as being too nice, as it sounds insincere, or being too terse, as it can be interpreted as being rude. That being said, striking the right balance is absolutely essential. Your greeting exists as its own entity, and therefore, it should NOT rely on callers’ familiarity with you. Instead, it needs to appeal to the masses. As such, your inflection, i.e. the way you state your name and directions, needs to be both welcoming and firm. b. Injecting Humor & Insincerity: While humor/light heartedness can be welcoming, it can also convey a sense of informality, insincerity, and ultimately unprofessionalism. Why, because you’re not there to lend your humor or to contextualize. Instead, you’re assuming the caller has a working knowledge of your personality to ground the message. Though this might not sound like it’s all that terrible—it can be detrimental. As stated above, one should NEVER rely on a caller’s familiarity with you. Instead, aim to appeal to the masses. Humor is ultimately subjective, meaning not everyone has the same tastes; therefore, someone is bound to be turned off by a quirky or off-color remark. While implementing a light-hearted or even tongue and cheek tone can work, it’s just a really bad idea.
As a professional business, in no way should you ever resort to leaving one of those generic, pre-recorded, “No one is here to take your call” messages that the phone company often provides. Record a greeting yourself, or have one professionally done for you. If you choose to record a greeting yourself for your office phone, there are a few simple keys that you should keep in mind:

Calls to your phone line can simultaneously ring up to three additional phone numbers. The incoming call will be connected to whichever phone answers first.
Snaprecordings allows you to have professional voice actors record your voicemail messages, and they have over 100 available, in multiple accents and languages. However, Snaprecordings also offers background music as well as proofreading performed by a Script Specialist, in order to make sure that you have the best script possible for your callers.