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(Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra") Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached... (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can. Steve: You fool, I know it's... Wait... Matt... What are you doing with that frying pan? (BONK... THUD) Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it... Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say? (Fun to leave on a friend's machine when he's away... Sounds of raptuous sex) Hi. Mike can't come to the phone right now because he's having sex. If you leave your name and number, he'll get back with you in juuust a second. (Male groan; female voice) That's it?You're in Big Trouble Hello! I'm on a four state killing spree! WATTA YA WANT? (Voice 2) These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. At the sound of the... This is 234-3249, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzeria. It's not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a message though. Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye. Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home. Watch me pull their message out of this machine! Bullwinkle: Nuthin' up my sleeve... PRESTO! (Sound of vicious dog barking, stops abruptly.) Rocky: Here's a chance for you to REALLY leave your message. (A friend was at a mutual friend's sister's house, and when she went out for beer, he changed her answering machine message. In a loud, deep, gravelly, horror-film voice he recorded) Hi, this is Kathy. I'm not myself right now. If you leave your name and number, I'll get back to you when I'm feeling better.Farewell These words are lovely dark and deep

BestReviews spends thousands of hours researching, analyzing, and testing products to recommend the best picks for most consumers. We only make money if you purchase a product through our links, and all opinions about the products are our own. Read more BestReviews spends thousands of hours researching, analyzing, and testing products to recommend the best picks for most consumers. We buy all products with our own funds, and we never accept free products from manufacturers.Read more Best of the Best Best for Offices This entire AT&T system will meet the needs of small businesses or anyone who needs multi-phone capabilities with lots of features. However, it's more than the average answering machine user will need. An excellent choice for offices, as it includes a corded and cordless phone that's expandable and packed with features. Has clear sound quality. Features caller ID. Answering machine works well. Clear digital display. On the higher end of the price spectrum. Not everyone needs all of these additional features. Best Bang for the Buck Bargain Pick Although it isn't fancy and the phone could be better, this model is an affordable option with a reasonable amount of recording time. Basic and easy to use. Can record up to 14 minutes of messages. Compact design fits nicely on desks and countertops. Comes with cordless phone that has backlit caller ID. Some issues with the phone have been reported, including short-range and poor sound, but the answering machine works well. Feature-packed This quality answering system works as promised, sounds great and comes with two additional cordless phones. Offers a large, bright display and crisp, clear audio. Expandable, and comes with two handsets. Answering system is easy to program and use. Offers 14 minutes of message recording time. Caller ID is quirky, but this doesn't affect the answering machine. Easiest to Use A traditional answering machine by AT&T with some user-friendly features, but it also has some sound quality issues that could hinder its performance and reliability. Answer machine only in a straightforward design. Slim build. Easy to program and use. Comes at a reasonable price. Recorded greeting as well as call play backs often have poor sound quality. No indication of the message record time. Corded Option Corded phones with answering machines can be difficult to find, but this one offers welcome features for customers who still prefer landline models. Classic corded phone with a built-in answering machine that can record 30 minutes of messages. Earns praise for its ability to block as many as 1,000 numbers. Has large, user-friendly buttons. Answering machine is a bit challenging to set up, but the user manual is helpful. Sound is average. We purchase every product we review with our own funds — we never accept anything from product manufacturers. We purchase every product we review with our own funds — we never accept anything from product manufacturers. Written by Jennifer Blair Table of Contents Buying guide for best answering machines Standalone vs. built-in answering machines Answering machine features Answering machine prices Tips Other products we considered FAQ
7. Hello, this is [your name] at [your company]. I’m currently out of the office, but if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, and I’ll return your call as soon as I get back.