Generally, people that call and leave messages are more likely to be ideal customers of your business. Your voicemail message is often not much more than a formality to the person calling.
The above section details types of phrasing to avoid; however, it doesn’t detail what users should NOT say on their greeting. Though this is a bit loaded, as there are hundreds of combinations of things one shouldn’t say, there are some key components users should ALWAYS avoid. a. Forget About Slang: You should strive to be as professional and welcoming as possible in your greeting. While this may steer you towards using slang, in an attempt to make callers comfortable, it’ll most likely work against you. As a professional, your demeanor, tone, and speech should be clear cut and well articulated. Using slang undercuts this and works against you. b. Don’t Even Think About Profanity: This is a no-brainer. Never, under any circumstances, curse in your greeting EVER! c. Keep Your Sentences Clean, Don’t Ramble: Introduce yourself and give your caller specific direction. Avoid long diatribes detailing tangent thoughts. Keep it simple and quick. d. Always Return Your Calls: It’s important for callers to feel they are valued. Nothing dissolves this quicker than a greeting that doesn’t stress this. For example, “I’ll call you when I can,” “If I don’t return your call, please call back”—these phrases are terrible and completely destroy any good will you may have with a caller.

#2 “Hey this is Bryan, leave me a message at the beep. Like you needed me to tell you that, right? I mean, how many times have you done this? You already know what to do.”
Expand your opening to with 'Thank you for calling [insert company/individual name]' or 'You've reached the voicemail of [insert company/individual name]'. This personal touch goes a long way towards building a rapport even when you're not available to answer the call directly.