A word of warning: These greetings will not do you any favors if you’re in the midst of a job hunt or work in a conservative industry. Always remember your target personas. If there’s a chance they won’t appreciate your sense of humor, opt for a straightforward greeting instead. “This is Bond. James Bond. Okay, it’s really [your last name]. [Your first name] [your last name]. I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m done helping M16 save the world — which will probably be tomorrow at the latest. Have a good day.” “Hmm. Gryffindor … No, Ravenclaw. Yes, you definitely belong in Ravenclaw. *Pause.* Okay, you haven’t reached the Sorting Hat — it’s the voicemail of [your name]. Please leave your name and number (and just for fun, the Harry Potter house you think you belong in) and I’ll return your call as soon as possible.” “Hello! You’ve gotten the voicemail of [your name]. Leave your name, contact info, and the answer to the eternal question ‘Which came first, the chicken or the egg?’ Anyone who gets it right will receive a call back.”
Hello and thank you for calling, [Company Name], where [state your short company slogan]. If you know the extension of the party you are trying to reach, you may dial it at any time. To speak with a Sales representative, press 1. To reach a Customer Support agent, press 2. To reach our Billing department, press 3. If you would like to know our regular business hours and location, press 4. If you would like to speak with an Operator, press 0, or press 9 to repeat the available options. 2. Basic Customer Inquiry

Think through what you are going to say before you place the call. When men hear the beep, they often freeze up and forget what they wanted to say. If you want to be the go-to guy at work, then you have to exhibit competence on all levels. Don’t spoil your confident image by hemming and hawing and filling your messages with “uhhhhs,” and “ummmms.” If it’s a really important call, consider writing out what you want to say beforehand. If the person picks up, great, you now have some notes to remember what you wanted to talk about. If they don’t answer, you can leave a clear and concise message.
In a concise fashion, you should relate the hours your business functions, and note any potential conflicts such as holidays or business closures. Use an auto attendant if you have more than one menu option for the customer, such as a voicemail box and an emergency support line.