(make a little noise in the background). Hi, you’ve reached your friend’s house. He/she isn’t home right now and I took the opportunity to rob it. I was about to steal the machine as well and you called. After the beep, leave your name and number. I will write it on a post-it and leave it on the refrigerator for him/her to see. Oh and one more thing; where did you say you lived?
2. Hello, you have reached the office of [your name]; I will be out of my office starting on [date] and will be returning on [date]. You can call me when I return or leave a brief message. If this is an emergency I can be reached on my cell, which is [your number].

For information about how to update your outgoing message, forward your desk phone to a cell phone, and check voicemails remotely, reference this Knowledge Base article from the EOU IT Department: https://kb.eou.edu/topic/phone
If you use one, your automated phone system is the first point of contact a caller makes with your business. You want to make the best first impression. Instead of a complex series of robotic instructions, choose a friendly, warm voice offering simple phone prompts to guide the caller to the person or information they’re looking for.