Mine says "Please don't leave a voicemail because I probably won't be able to understand it. Email or text me instead." It seems to mostly work, in concert with telling people that my handset can't do voice calls (which is true).
A word of warning: These greetings will not do you any favors if you're in the midst of a job hunt or work in a conservative industry. Always remember your target personas. If there's a chance they won't appreciate your sense of humor, opt for a straightforward greeting instead.

The importance of voicemail in the customer care sector has not diminished despite the arrival of newer web technologies. VoIP applications let the businesses use voicemail service with flexibility, as it is. The users need not rely on extension terminals when they use VoIP services. A strong internet connection is a prerequisite and the pre-configured phones can be used – both for calling /receiving calls and for automated custom greetings. IVR feature redirect callers to the right virtual extension where their needs can be addressed. This can be done anywhere through a web portal access and an internet connection.
When recording, choose a quiet area, speak clearly, and use your full name (first and last).